The Non depression thread

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by panzerknacker, Mar 24, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Please feel free to post your experiences in here if you've made poor decisions in the past but you've been man enough to take accountability for your actions and made best of a bad time.

    Here's mine, I went camping down the woods with a mate of mine in the early 80's, we discovered that some of the older lads had made a swing that crossed the river, at the highest point it must have been a 20 foot drop into the water, I'd had a couple of goes of the swing while my mate got the bollocks to try it out. Eventually he took the rope in his hand and started to swing, I however had removed the stick on which you sat on so while he was fumbling for the stick to sit on, he lost his grip on the rope and instead of going head first into the river, he went head first down the river bank and onto the rocks in which he cracked his head open and required 15 stitches in his forehead and he looked like John Merrick. I often think back to that day and still to this day, laugh my tits off about it.

    There was no brokeback mountain experiences in our tent before you start asking.

    C'mon, show us your experiences of bad decisions that you quite rightly manned up to and don't give a flying toss about.
    • Like Like x 5
  2. Too many to count...
  3. sirbhp

    sirbhp LE Book Reviewer

    god knows why , but i once kicked a 165 hesh miss fire. it took me six months for the penny to drop on what could have happend. I was young and indestructible, i thought then the next big mistake was to marry a ginger bird who told me that she was pregnant ... i should have run a mile .
  4. I once shagged Blackfoot Sue from the Senne Eck.
  5. You'll be glad to know that as a misfire you could kick it to the moon and back and only bruise your toes while it laughs at you.

    If it had been a blind you might have something to worry about.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. I failed pre para once, I cried into my pies and beer for a long time afterwards, Then, I had an epiphany and realised that if I trained hard, ditched the pies and grew a pair I could pass!

    A stand up fail is a killer. Still, at at least I still have my testes and bear no resemblance to Jocky Wilson in a wig.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Cyprus (Ayia Nappa) 1990.
    Blew out 2 busty Irish chicks who were gagging for it for some Swedish birds, who were clearly not.
    • Like Like x 4
  8. No regrets no life lived.

    Either that or you are bullshitting yourself.
    • Like Like x 3
  9. Happiness is watching Jeremy Kyle and realising that socially, that shit is just a million miles away...
    • Like Like x 3
  10. You clearly have repressed memories. Some ARRSE therapy will help you come to terms.

    It wasn't your mate who took you into the woods, was it? Think carefully now. It was this man, wasn't it?


    Did the swing look like this.


    I bet he did, the dirty old sod.

    You are a textbook example of repressed memories of abuse. You should immediately contact a reputable psychiatrist and a disreputable journalist. Remember, you can't libel the dead and Savile's estate is worth a fortune.
    • Like Like x 18
  11. I once clicked on this thread
    • Like Like x 2
  12. That is the most inventive insult anyone has ever dished out to me on this site. Thank you.

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
    • Like Like x 7
  13. I bonked a Pad's wife in Chelsea and when Mr Irate Husband and C/Sgt fronted me up, I blamed a mate. He then got a good beating. She was worth it though, the little slut!
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Brushed a bird that later offered my brother a threesome with a girlfriend. All they wanted was a bottle of Sambucca. Sometimes I wonder if Legs and his wife like Sambucca.
    • Like Like x 3
  15. Among an untold myriad of brushes with the Emperor, one of the more recent was having a go on myself with a cattle prod type shock thing to show a mate it wasn't that bad. Strangely enough there was no flopping about type histrionics, although it did leave a fairly painful burn for a couple of days.
    • Like Like x 1