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The Noble Art Of Rubber Dicking.

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#1
As a young NCO I was always being rubber dicked by the RSM or one of the other senior NCOs.

About five minutes ago, whilst giving birth to an otter and contemplating life, it dawned on me that no rubber dicking has taken place for about 15 years. In recent years I have been fcuked over, stitched up and arrse raped but I miss the old days of rubber dicking.

Does anyone still get rubber dicked or is that out of fashion now?
 
#2
maninblack said:
As a young NCO I was always being rubber dicked by the RSM or one of the other senior NCOs.

About five minutes ago, whilst giving birth to an otter and contemplating life, it dawned on me that no rubber dicking has taken place for about 15 years. In recent years I have been fcuked over, stitched up and arrse raped but I miss the old days of rubber dicking.

Does anyone still get rubber dicked or is that out of fashion now?
at the risk of being waah'd

What is Rubber Dicking?

Rincewind
 
#3
...its a generational thing..... think Jiffed, perhaps?
 
#5
Heh, heh, heh...... yup, it really must be a generational thing. All the same lovely thing - being handed the turd on the silver salver (either as a consequence of naively volunteering, of asking an innocent question or just for being within eye line of the source.) Its all the above but, and perhaps this is where the tint of nostalgia is applied, most of the RDs were looked back on wirh wry amusement rather than resentment.
 
#6
Rubber dicking morphed into plain old dicking some time in the late nineties and has since dropped out of use. This is a shame really as I think it's a peach of a term that perfectly illustrates the action of getting "rubber dicked"
 

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
Perhaps it is time to reintroduce such time expired phrases.

I propose the rehabilitation of "rubber dicking" and "being Bruced"

For those not in the know being Bruced was parlance around Aldershot in the 80s for being the victim of very sneaky queue jumping by someone who should know better.

For example, you are waiting patiently at the hotplate in the cookhouse, you are one from the front, there are two fried eggs left then the guard commander rushes to the front of the queue, pushes in and nicks the fried egg. up goes the shout "I've just been Bruced!"
 
#8
ah, i see...

i remember being dicked...and recieving a "dick job" both meaning being present when a crap job came in and not running out the office fast enough...

or being the idiot whom answered the phone in the block on saturday afternoon during a bar b q.

but yeah -- better than the "PC" terms floating about now.

Rincewind
 
#9
Imagine the scene, a clean up of Copehill down after a Tes Ex with all the joy that that entails.

A group of blokes waits for the rubber dicking to commence and up walks the CSM, "Right before we start are any of you blokes drivers?". Arms shoot out faster than the overzealous SS javelin Club at the Nurnberg rally.

"Right then Jones and Tommo drive yourself over to Fox covert as and pick up the empty ammo boxes"

"Yes Sir, where's the Rover?"

"Who said anything about a Rover, get fecking tabbing you cnuts!"

A beautifully executed Dicking by a master of the art in his prime, it was a wonder to watch.
 
#10
I have some small recollection of a "Trained Soldier" being RD'ed to provide a recruit intake at the PoW Div Depot with demonstrations of field craft. Said lad was told to cam up and then move, using all (All?!) his hard-won fieldcraft skills towards the recruits. If seen, he would be told to move back to the start point and try again. Little did the naive youth realise that the Pl St who checked his cam had attached a lovely, high-visibility, tag to the scrim on his helmet....... the Crows were crowing out every 50 metres or so (it did improve their target indication skills though). Ah, the joys of seeing the poor lad being sent back, and sent back, and sent back........
The double dicking, perchance?
 
#11
After having been RD'd do you still get presented with a Chocolate Frog for your pains?

Or has that been downsized/outsourced as well now?
 
#12
LostBoss said:
Imagine the scene, a clean up of Copehill down after a Tes Ex with all the joy that that entails.

A group of blokes waits for the rubber dicking to commence and up walks the CSM, "Right before we start are any of you blokes drivers?". Arms shoot out faster than the overzealous SS javelin Club at the Nurnberg rally.

"Right then Jones and Tommo drive yourself over to Fox covert as and pick up the empty ammo boxes"

"Yes Sir, where's the Rover?"

"Who said anything about a Rover, get fecking tabbing you cnuts!"

A beautifully executed Dicking by a master of the art in his prime, it was a wonder to watch.
Pure classic!

Plenty of variations on that "Dicking theme" Everything from Who still needs to attend a driving cadres to who knows where XYZ is, All ending up with some unwise bod on a dull QM's fatigue.
 
#13
Rubber dick (rubba dik) n. past tense –ed
'The art of coaxing a person, normally of inferior rank, into a trap.'

example:

Whistlers boss (many moons ago) – ‘congratulations on passing your driving course whistler, bet you can’t wait to get some miles under your belt?’

Whistler – ‘Thank you Staff, it’s a shame we don’t have many LandRovers to practise on’ (armoured unit)

Whistlers boss – ‘ah, I can help you there – git your arrse down to the COMMCEN they’ve got one – tell them you’re the volunteer SDS driver for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Eve’

D’oh!!
 
#14
I remember when to 'avoid rubber-dicking' was a near jedi-like skill...practised extensively by the combat-med-techs at 22Field Ambulance to avoid kitchen duties.......(1990-1994)

I myself, became a Master of this Dark Art, though I must admit to having been trained by the the uber-elite 'work shirkers' - the MT and QM Departments....

Only when you've witnessed the Grand Masters at work, do you realise what deadly skill's we were entrusted with!
 
#15
Ballymena Depot, late 80s, Tiger Bay Colour man stalks out of stores office like a troll from under a bridge. "Any of youse nat been in a helly capta?

Forest of arms.

"Youwe, youwe and youwe.........

Variations included "who likes ice-cream?" and "whose supports the Glens?"

Still use RD socially. Damn the blank looks, when you've seen it done by a master.... :)
 

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#16
Ah, yes, the famous rubber dick armour at the time was a white coat and a clip board.

The unwritten rule was that a man in a white coat and clipboard could not be rubber dicked by anyone unless it was to deliver a rubber dicking to a third party on the way through a unit "with the RSM's compliemnts."
 
#19
moving-target-survivor said:
I remember when to 'avoid rubber-dicking' was a near jedi-like skill...practised extensively by the combat-med-techs at 22Field Ambulance to avoid kitchen duties.......(1990-1994)

I myself, became a Master of this Dark Art, though I must admit to having been trained by the the uber-elite 'work shirkers' - the MT and QM Departments....

Only when you've witnessed the Grand Masters at work, do you realise what deadly skill's we were entrusted with!
Ah yes the bomb burst of men as the dicking warning order comes through....

It's interesting to see the avoidance tactics.

The frozen rabbit. Stand still, very still breathe slowly and shallowly, don't look up, be at one with surroundings.

The I'm your turn-to man. Engage in the "oh yes we need to get on top of this" conversation and hope your participation elevates you out of the dicking zone.

The Side Step. Quote your current dicking task and hope.

Out of the frying pan. Unload your dicking task with a yet greater dicking.

The counter dicking. Offer up your absent mucker to take the dicking, gain extra power through offering to deliver the dick tasking personally. (A great favourite of mine)

Dick Changing. Offer to improve the dick task in some way to make it less onerous ("we can do it faster if we use the wagon", I'll take Jones with me, he can speak German", "can you smile and lube that up a bit first please?" etc)
 
#20
moving-target-survivor said:
Billy Ruffian said:
"Any of youse nat been in a helly capta?"quote]

shiite....no matter how many times I volunteered, there never really was a helicopter was there?
..... only if it needed washing.........
 

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