The nipper's poignant homework.

#1
My nipper came home from school on Friday full of trivia, facts and info about Remembrance, Armistice and the significance of the Poppy.

We spoke some more about it and was chuffed to fuck that she was genuinely interested and full of eagerness to learn.

For her homework, she has to right her own poem or prayer, to be read out in front of the class on Monday. Immediately the mind set about words that rhyme with 'Tomorrow' 'remember' etc, then after a while I was wondering if ther was a phrase that could accompany 'that cunt from the Somme, he owed me a tenner'

Off you go people, Your poetry and prayers please. I need some help :)
 
#2
We walked among the crosses
Where our fallen soldiers lay.
And as I listened to the bugle
I wore my medals brought from eBay.

The Padre led a prayer
We stood with heads bowed low.
I thought of fallen comrades
That I had never known.

They came from every city
Across this fertile land.
That I might live in freedom.
Pretending my boots have seen sand.

I felt a little guilty
My sacrifice was small.
I changed my picture to a poppy - and joined the groups on Facebook
But these men lost their all.

Now the services are over
For this Remembrance Day.
To the names upon these crosses
I just want to say,

Thanks for what you've given
No one could ask for more.
I've boarded the mourning bandwagon
For I am a grief whore
 
#3
I'm a civvy scum who didn't join the Army
My best mate Fred has drove me Barmy

He went to the Somme whilst I tried to be a Walt
My girlfriend Sierra saw a picture and wants his salt

I sent him a naked photo of Sienna in the Buff
He bet me a tenner he would shave her hairy Muff

I told him I want the photo's to share with the blokes on ARRSE
He said for a tenner he would shag her up the arse

When he returned from the front line he shagged my sweetheart Sienna
He doesnt have any photos..'that cunt from the Somme, he owed me a tenner'


OK sorry PG im shit at poems.
 
#5
There was an Old Woman from Nantucket,
Who had to Piss in a Bucket,
His Mother said Jack if you don't put them back,
And pissed all over the ceiling!
And Some cunt owed me a tenner.

What do I win?
 
#6
I got shot, I owe you a tenner
And now i'm dead
I was the last bloke
That knew the colour of the shed

The shed was a colour
A colour of origin unknown
I am dead, shot clean in t'ead
And my final whistle has blown

Down here on the Somme
On that tenner I will not default
Cause I bet on the Potters to have a good'un
Stoke 1 QPR nil Result

So for the tenner
You can claim on my will
All left to my auntie Fanny
And her husband Bill

Yes I am that cunt
That owed you a tenner
Go back to the front
And I'll see you in heaven
 
#7
'My dad is a man called Porridge Gun,
There was dust in the room, he said,
when he saw what at School I'd done.

I know what he meant,
my heart swelled at stories of men, for my freedom
whose life were spent.

At what they'd done
I was so proud, so when I'm older a soldier
can do me up the wrong 'un.'

As an aside, I am quite chuffed your nipper's school is even covering it. I'd be less surprised to hear of them being encouraged to wear white poppies or to think about how bad soldiers are.
 
#8
On yonder hill, there stands a Walt,
He's nay there noo,
He's gone,
And still owes me a fucking tenner



Apologies to Rabbie Burns
 
#9
Oh humbled man
Once of brawn
Lament thy youth
For all is now gone

So misted pasts
Of loss and woe
Are forgotten not
And you must go

And as you pass
You will be young
And greet old friends
In golden sun
And run again
Less stick or chair
Laugh hearty
Breathing youthful air

And bathe again
In past time splendour
Cos that cunt from the somme
Still owes you that tenner....
Brilliant - I hope you don't mind me nicking it. I am pretty sure most of those who will be in my thoughts tomorrow would have a giggle at it too!
 
#10
I went into a public ‘ouse to buy a pint of beer
The publican, ‘e ups an’ says, “We serve no squaddies here”
The Daily Mail’s campaigning closed ‘im down with much affray
It’s a good thing no-one knows I’ve never served a single day.
For it’s ‘Heroes’ this an’ ‘Heroes’ that an’ freebies everywhere
‘Taint my fault I’ve got asthma, life just ain’t bloomin’ fair
If not for my astigmatism I’d have slain a horde of foe
So, in my imagination, it’s as if I’d had a go.


I went into a cinema dressed up in DPM
An’ said I’d earned free tickets ‘coz I was really one of THEM
They told me that I had to have a valid “Modd-ninety”
Is that any way to treat the third man on the balcony?
An’ it’s ‘Ghanners’ this an’ ‘choggies’ that an’ more made-up squaddie slang
Giving folks the strong impression that I’m more than wot I am.
An’ it’s bedsits this an’ Aldi’s that an’ a life that’s dull an’ gray.
Except this coming Sunday when my VC’s on display.
 
#11
"I wandered lonely as a cloud
o'er trench and smoking ruin"
A Engineer told me before he died,
In voice both clear and loud, but
The Great War was his undoin'

With saps and mines and counter-mines
With tetryl, trotyl and guncotton accruing
And tunnelling, sapping beneath the lines
His tales were chock full of derring doing
And relevant to the times

So pull up a sand bag and buy me a drink
The Engineer said, and a tale to you I'll tell
Of shell and shot and barrage from hell
And of gasses that kill by smell, oh and
A girl called madame Schnell

I listened raptly to the Sappers tale
And then he made his bid
I'll get the beers for us in sonny Jim
If you will but lend me ten quid
I nodded eagerly as I needed some ale

I counted 200 shillings into his grimy fist
Before I knew it, both us were pissed
I'll pay you back next pay day the hoary Sapper hissed,
But I never saw the cunt again, my tenner sorely missed.

The years went by and I became old and grey
But I never forgot the Sapper of that day
I was sure we'd meet
And my tenner I'd greet
But the twat he stayed away

And then one wet Novembers day
With solemnity and sad procession
I attended on the eleventh hour
The Cenotaph and remembered my obsession
And the Sappers name

And there it was, carved in granite, for all the world to see
Sapper Jenner died 1918' now is just War debris
I raised a glass to him that day, with comrades older than me
(Not many)
Age shall not weary him nor the years condemn Spr Jenner
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
I will remember him, the bugger owes me a tenner!
 
#12
I met him in France, in 1916,
He was a Kingsman, scowly and lean.
I was fresh off the boats and ripe for the slaughter,
I joined to escape, after marrying Taff's daughter.

I got to the staging area, wet through and damp,
And made for the only hut graced with a lamp.
Inside were Kingsmen, Fusiliers and more,
the next words to hit me were 'shut the damn door!'

We drank some French wine and dreaded the front,
cursed the Germans and referred them as cunts.
I chatted to this Kingsman, his name was Jack,
He was from Manchester and built like a rack.

I lent him a tenner, for his money ran dry,
He swore he'd meet me, either here or the sky.
The next day the Kingos moved to the front,
And I thought for sure my money was safe with the runt.

At least if he died, I'd grab it from his corpse,
I'd never rob the dead but with him no remorse.
As it happens, he survived, dodging the reaper,
shame the bloke's a cunt, and prob'ly a peeper.

Next it was at Verdun, snowy and cold,
The twat had some balls, he was far too bold.
It wasn't just the Frenchies being bled white,
There was my fucking pay packet, which was fairly shite.

Now the trenches are gone and the dead all are still,
The war is over but my debt lingers still.
This bastard he owes me, and will do forever,
So punch the cunt from the Somme, for he owes me a tenner.
 
#13
IF I should die, think only this of me;* **
That there's some whiff of a foreign clunge*
That is for ever with me. There shall be* **
In that rich musk a bitter taste concealed;*
A taste of English beer, shaved, made square,
*Bet that tenner to love, her wails and moans,*
A body to love no Englishman would dare,* **
But I was that cunt, and the tenner's mine, agreed by some.

Fuck me - that wasn't easy.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#14
As an aside, I am quite chuffed your nipper's school is even covering it. I'd be less surprised to hear of them being encouraged to wear white poppies or to think about how bad soldiers are.
4 year old came back on Friday from Nursery with one of those reward stickers, asked why, because she had been quiet for the 2 minutes! So there definitely some schools very much doing it.

Any way.

There was a young squaddie from Ballintyne,
Whose mum was a terrible whore,
She said who's next?
You're that cunt from the Somme,
You still own a tenner from last time.
 
#15
That time of year again
Mist, dew, forgotten men.
Rank upon weary file,
Adrift in blood and bile.

What should we think, who live?
Could we such valour give?
Be they brave or dour,
This was their finest hour.

There's one I do recall.
I could not let him fall.
Used to be a lender,
Cunt owed me a tenner.
 
#16
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We shall remember that cunt that owed us a tenner.
 
#17
Stop all the NAAFI watches
Cut up the phonecards
Prevent stumpy from barking with a juicy bone
Don't run round the piano
And with muffled drum
Let the mourners come

Let the airyplanes fitted but not with circle moaning over head
Scribbling on the sky the message
ARRSE is dead

Put crap hat bows round the white necks of pubic doves
Let the modplod wear spastic gloves

ARRSE was my north my south my east my west
And said drinking stella was always best
My noon at zulu my rage at mongs
I thought that ARRSE would last forever
I was wrong

The stars are not wanted now, put out every one
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood
For nothing now can ever come to any good

Cos that cunt from the somme owes me a ten spot...
Fuck! Poignant! Tears not far away. Must be the 3 quid a bottle gin I am drinking that tastes surprisingly similar to how Harpic smells.
 
#19
Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom

Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom

Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom

Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom

Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom

Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom

Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom
That cunt from the Somme, he owed me a tenner

1469 Private B. Aldrick
2nd Battalion, 1st Arrseshire Light Infantry
 
#20
My nipper came home from school on Friday full of trivia, facts and info about Remembrance, Armistice and the significance of the Poppy.

We spoke some more about it and was chuffed to fuck that she was genuinely interested and full of eagerness to learn.

For her homework, she has to right her own poem or prayer, to be read out in front of the class on Monday. Immediately the mind set about words that rhyme with 'Tomorrow' 'remember' etc, then after a while I was wondering if ther was a phrase that could accompany 'that cunt from the Somme, he owed me a tenner'

Off you go people, Your poetry and prayers please. I need some help :)
that cunt from the Somme he owed me a tenner
he'd never have copped it if he'd moved like Ayrton Senna
 
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