The Nimby Commandments

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Setanta, Jul 24, 2007.

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  1. Thou shalt not help thy injured neighbours family!

    Thou shalt not associate with the common folk who defend thee!

    Thou shall oppose all suggestions of improvements to your sacred land!
  2. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Thou shalt not kneel at the alter of the dispossessed, nor offer sacrifice!

    Thou shalt not break bread or drink wine amongst the poorly, lest thou shalt be tainted by disease!

    Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, for she will lower your caste and honour!

    Thou shalt not sign at thy host, lest it be that it is thought they art in thy favour!
  3. Thou shall write blue nose chain letters to those in authority

    Thou shalt not make accommodation for those who'd be better living in a shed preferably in a land fill site!
  4. Thou shalt expect a reduction in tax if thy neighbours art unworthy

    (no, really, one of them DID say they expected a reduction in Council Tax if SSAFA move in!!!!!)
  5. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Thou shalt installeth a great number of the eye of O'Lectron, saying unto thy neighbour 'I have ye on tape biotch, bring not thy suffering unto me!'

    Thou shalt spake unto thy force of 'Rozzers' to defend ye holy claim upon the land of 'Chavee'. The wrath of 'Rozzer' shalt smite the interlopers in thine hallowed lands.

    Thy shalt forsake all others as thy parents and their parents have forsaken one another and thee.

    Thou must often snorteth of the coca leafeth, so as not to know thyself, but to rise on high, in thine own eye as god himself shall thee conceive!

    Thou must looketh upon all about thee with utter contempt and disdain, for they are not of your tribe, neither inbred, nor of Sloan.
  6. There is only one God and his name is money.
  7. The Gospel According to St. Twigg

    1. And lo, it came to pass that in the Land that is known as Surrey, a tribe of Squaddie-ites made camp by the Court that is Headley. These Squaddie-ites were sore afflicted, having suffered much smiting at the hands of the Aryana-ites and the Babylonians and wished for a place to rest until their wounds were mended. And when they made camp, their wives and their children and their oxen and their asses and all that was unto them came to be at their side to tend their brows.

    2. But in the land that was known as Surrey there already lived a tribe that was known as the Ashtead-ites. And the Ashtead-ites looked upon the tribes of the Squaddie-ites and were sore afraid. “Woe unto the House of Ashtead!” they cried, “for it will be reduced in value! F*ck off, pikey, we don’t need your sort round here! I play golf with the Chief Constable.”

    3. And the tribes of the Squaddie-ites were sore confused, as they had suffered their smiting in the service of the likes of the Ashtead-ites, and had been promised that they would be treated in the manner which was known as ‘fair’. The Arc of the Military Covenant promised them land in the Court that was Headley, on which they could rest their weary limbs.

    4. And the Squaddie-ites sayeth unto the Ashtead-ites, “’Mon tae f*ck, big man. I jist want tae see ma weans while ma leg’s bein’ sewed back on. On whit you tight b*stards pay me they cannae afford a f*ckin’ 5-star hotel!”

    5. And the Ashtead-ites waxed wroth and reply-eth, “Am I bovvered?! Does it look like I’m bovvered?!” and wrote unto their MP and even unto the Mail that is Daily.

    6. And the Tribes of the Squaddie-ites rose up in their anger and made great promise of vengeance upon any of the House of Westminster who did not defend their Covenant.

  8. If a great flood shall come upon thee thou shalt not abide the succour of the squaddie or the crab for having spurned them amongst thy dwellings that would be rank hypocrisy and embarrassing.
  9. And lo, it came to pass that on the four days before the Sabbath that select members of the tribe of Squaddie-ites did venture into that land of Ashtead to make representations to the local populace, in a hearts and minds kind of way, with assistance from the RoyBriLegs. These brave warriors, both past and present, did parley with members of the tribe of Ashtead-ites to gain their trust and to see if they could find it in their hearts to welcome the Squaddie-ites wounded in the service of the realm. Their on-going saga continues unto time immemorial.
    (P.S. more tomorrow as the saga unfolds, sorry title changed slightly)
  10. 7. And the Children of Dannatt went forth unto the Aryanan-ites and the Babylonians and saith unto them, "Do your worst, it can't be as bad as what we get back home" even as they smote them most mightily. And the Babylonians and the Aryanan-ites did shaketh their heads in wonder.

    8. And lo! the Lord in His wisdom did sent a great flood to punish the land for its breach of the Covenant. But the Ashtead-ites and their ilk did call upon the Children of Dannatt to bail them out yet again, saying, "POTL, what the f*ck is that?! We pay your wages, get your lazy arrses in there and shift that furniture. Watch out, that table cost more than you earn in a month!"

    9. And the Children of Dannatt did labour most mightily, for that was what they always did. And they carried in their thoughts the sacred rite that was known as 'PVR'.

    10. And it came to pass that the Ashtead-ites found they had pushed their luck once too often and were left to wallow in their own filth. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
  11. They gave their yesterday - so that you wouldn't give a damn about them tomorrow !!!
  12. At last finally after all these years, the dream has come true, the vision is complete, the “want it all, want it now” selfish b*stards have inherited the earth (or the home counties at least)……………..


    Grabs helmet and heads for bunker :D :D
  13. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Thou shalt not show harshness upon the tribe of Squaddy-ite upon their smiting of thy goodly possessions in time of floods, for they carry a heavy burden (your fcuking furniture) and nowest not why it doth drop so heavily to the ground, oft and again, till it be smashed to fcuk.

    Whilst exiled from thy kingdom through God's justice, from the heavens, thy must oft return by ark to check thy chattels and land, for it may happenstance burn to the very ground in thine banishment, though in thy quest for the source of hell's destroying flames and brimstone, thy may only meet deafness and smirking silence.
  14. There came a Devilish scribe from a land beyond the sea, known unto herself as Claire of the Styleforum-ites, who did spake that which the Ashtead-ites in their hearts had spoken.

    And so did Jahovah, with furious anger move amongst the land of the Arrse-ites, behold they did arise to smite the callous beast who had so foolishly tried in vein to lead astray the Styleforum-ites unto the path of the Ashtead-ites.

  15. Grabs helmet and heads for bunker :D :D[/quote]

    Thats Bollocks Maggie Looked after us lads in the 80s..........Bliers dream has been made reality by these cnuts