The next James Bond film

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by weekend_worrier, Oct 23, 2012.

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  1. Following 'Skyfall', it looks like there's another Bond film in the making, although the PC brigade have got their hands on the script to make it less sexist, xenophobic and violent. The summary is as follows:

    '"Licence to Resolve Disputes in a Peaceful, Consensual Manner".

    007, DFID’s special agent, is summoned by M (a Greenham Common veteran and part-time writer for 'The New Internationalist') for a crucial mission to Tanzania. A tribal dispute over land rights is threatening to escalate, and Bond’s mission is to help the locals find a peaceful resolution. Q Branch issues him with his gadgets, including an electronic dictionary to translate terms from English into non-gender specific Swahili.

    Bond flies to Dar es-Salaam, and when he reaches his hotel room he prays to Gaia for forgiveness, expressing the belief that the importance of his mission justified the carbon emissions he’s responsible for. He meets the local DFID agent, Dr Penelope Notatoken, and after a few cups of camomile tea (stirred, not shaken) they engage in a detailed discussion of how men objectify women.

    007 and Dr Notatoken travel out to the disputed territory to mediate between the two clan groups. During the course of the negotiations Bond realises that the dispute is all down to the poorly defined territorial boundaries that are a legacy of the deliberate policies of ‘divide and rule’ carried out by the British colonialists. 007 therefore offers himself up to a tribal exorcism to purge himself of the crimes of imperialism, and after being flogged by a witch-doctor he is declared free of his sins. His mission accomplished, a bloodied Bond is carried by Dr Notatoken to a nearby hut, where the two engage in an extended debate on the evils of Patriarchy, and how they can be eradicated'.
  2. I suppose Bond and the Arrsemaidens of Doom is on the back burner for now?
  3. Needs more Fairtrade, and how come Bond is a 'he'?
  4. He has to be, in order to suffer retribution for his possession of a penis.
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