The Navy - why are they SO fat?

Discussion in 'Royal Navy' started by Queensman, Oct 26, 2012.

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  1. I had the dubious honour of spending the whole of yesterday in the company of just over a hundred members of our Senior Service.

    My lasting impression of the day was that most of them were morbidly obese. It was an appalling sight: officers and senior rates, male and female, all stuffed into Her Majesty's uniforms. Genuinely shocked, I asked one of the few normal sized ones sitting nearby, what the score was? She was suitably embarrassed and said that 'Yes, it is a problem; no one seems to give a damn about it in the Navy: we have our fitness tests and are supposed to do an hour of 'fizz' a week but no-one does it.'

    I've just mentioned it to another Naval colleague here at work - he was furious; declared himself 'old school' and said it was a disgrace. It would appear that if one does do a bit of 'fizz', one runs the risk of being accused of being a shirker! He went on to say that one of the annual tests they have to do is to squeeze through a small hatch to simulate escaping from things at sea - well, most of the lot I saw yesterday had trouble getting in and out of the double doors to the lecture room.

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  2. I just watched that 'Officers and Gentlemen' on Sky Military......Nelson would be turning in his lard barrel!
  3. Beer and lying on their pit all day-------when not on watch.
  4. Brotherton Lad

    Brotherton Lad LE Reviewer

    It's what happens when you stop issuing grog.
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  5. Just another day looking around HMS Nelson. There certainly are some fine 'specimens' to be seen wobbling down the main drag.
    Never see a chubby or unfit Royal though, they all make butchers dogs look like slackers.
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  6. I was on a Type 45 and they had a whole area not otherwise being used that they had put fitness machines in. So no excuse really. 1 Hour of Fizz a week. No wonder they keep getting their ass handed to them at Twickenham.
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  7. I understand that it must be quite difficult trying to do a 5 miler inside a small metal canoe so I do sympathise with the submariner element of the RN.

    However for those working on a huge cruise liner type affair there is really no excuse, especially as sperm is so fattening.
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  8. seaweed

    seaweed LE Book Reviewer


    Gadzooks, Jemmy, do ye see thet demmed fatarse coming up the gengway?
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  9. Four reasons

    1) Lack of self discipline

    2) Lack of personal pride

    3) Bone idleness

    4) Because they are being allowed to get away with it

    It is a disgrace.
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  10. The loss of bodily self-respect is clearly some kind of phycosexual response to their repeated emasculation at the hands of various defence reviews. Since they can't do war anymore they take solace in family size ice cream buckets and reflect that at least their pits now come with iPod chargers even if their barges no longer come with weapons.
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  11. I visit Army HQ quite regularly in Andover and we (the Army) definitely can't take the high ground in this argument! There are some grotesquely obese individuals waddling around Marlborough Lines as well. Bring back Bromide in brews and red PT vests, that'll sort them out!
  12. Not a fizz God myself-------but on the way "down south" was taken for pt session on Gallahads flight deck by ex SBS (then Imprest holder) Lt----this was what the SB guys do on subs--------feck me!!!---I nearly died!

    Surprising what fitness can be achieved/retained in a small area.
  13. Rum gone, baccy gone, that just leaves Bum! thats why those ships all smell of squandered manfat and well packed fudge!

    On the plus side, it saves on ballast!
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  14. Brotherton Lad

    Brotherton Lad LE Reviewer

    You're saying that successive hollowing out of the defence barrel results in ever-increasing waist-lines? So, as defence structures implode, the personnel explode in some sort of energy transfer. Neat.
  15. I'm sure 1SL will write to you out of gratitude for coming up with such a plausible excuse. Have a 'Cravat of Jolly Well Done*'.

    *Ties of Merit no longer being available due to the general collapse in millinery capability.