the most useless piece of medical kit....................

Discussion in 'Professionally Qualified, RAMC and QARANC' started by SpeckledJim, Apr 13, 2007.

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  1. the newspapers these days seem to be full of stories about cr*p military hardware from radio's that don't work to the VSTOL Joint Force Harrier too heavy for vertical take-off. Obviously these are big strategic projects where lots can, and do, go wrong. But even down here down near the bottom of the pond we seem to surrounded by useless equipment. In the world of EH we had the apollo microwave monitor, ferkin useless!!! God knows how many microwave ovens were tested, but I've never heard of one failing. The total cost in terms of time and effort testing these things must be outrageous. In fact the only redeeming feature of the monitor was that it gave you an excuse to travel around the District - those microwave ovens in the ACIOs on the coast were done to death during the summer months!!! There must be other bits of medical equipment that serve no useful purpose, what are they...............?

    PS Was using the apollo to blagg a noise survey just a rumour?
  2. 2cm circular "waterproof" plasters.
  3. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

  4. If there are any older ex-RAMC out there they must remember the Samways Anchor. Usless and totally dangerous to use on a live, breathing no duff cas.

    I'm showing my age :oops:

  5. I have several of these in my stores. Purely for demonstration purposes mind! I think most of them are stuck back together with black nasty anyway so would be no real use on an actual casualty. Thank goodness for rifle slings. ;)
  6. CMT in 1992...6 weeks running the med centre at Warcop...received a box with 200 disposable speculums.

  7. I remember teaching some folk how to apply one of these to a tree trunk as background activity on a range day. Having given a great talk on the appropriate use it I proceeded to tighten it and the perrished rubber snapped which meant that I punched myself right in the kisser leaving me with a great fat lip :oops:
  8. Yep I remember the Samways Anchor and a better one than that >>>

    Gets all sexy now = Do you remember the 'Singers Screw' ??

  9. "the most useless piece of medical kit...................."?

    An ECG machine on the orthopaedic ward.


    The house officer on the end of the stethoscope? 8O
  10. While I was in Cyprus (6 years ago) we discovered this in one of the med kits.

  11. I'm now getting all misty eyed Phredd, must be an age thing :oops:

  12. I have heard the Edwards Penile Clamp is not all it's cracked up to be.
  13. No, the microwave monitor was our key, in the West, to Total Victory over the USSR. Once the Ruskies sussed that it was, in fact, completely useless they knew the game was up and tore their Empire apart in a paroxysm of self-doubt and mutual recrimination.

    The Chinese nearly went the same way (Mao's Little Red Book was in fact a set of calibration instructions for an Apollo Microwave Monitor) and the Great Leap Foward, where they binned the Apollo Light Meter and opted for.. something else.... US Intelligence believe they chose a B&K Noise meter... Unfortunately for the North Koreans, who based their entire system of Government and Social Order on the Apollo Microwave Monitor operating instructions, smuggled out of Bridlington ACIO by a disgruntled REME ex-MDSS Recruiter Sgt in the 1950's, it's been a disaster. For example, their entire submarine fleet is modelled on the design of the Microwave Monitor. That's why they are so easy to spot.

    So, on balance, the Apollo Microwave Monitor was a pretty good bit of counter-industrial espionage kit. It's only now that we can reveal this.

    And, Yes, to answer your other question, it was used to blagg Noise Surveys. See just how convincing this simple device was at deceiving the unwary? :highfive:
  14. diabetic soap,the famous long stand,short weight and camoflage paint all totally useless but great fun.
  15. ViroBono

    ViroBono LE Moderator

    This utterly, utterly useless piece of medical kit was in use until the 80s:

    Ambulance, Clinic, RAF, aka the 'Noddy' ambulance: