The most Jack thing thats happened to you?

Discussion in 'Infantry' started by xinflurker, Sep 2, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. One of the things I love about the Infantry is the comeradery that comes about through extreme discomfort, gruelling activity and the reliance on the people around you to literally watch your back.

    However, what's the most jacked on you've been by an oppo? Equally, what's the most helped out you've been?

    For me, most jacked on was the guy who always 'disappeared' after excerise on a friday as soon as he had cleaned his own weapon. I remember seeing him drive out of camp just as the section were getting started on the GMPG!

    The LEAST jack was on the same course, another student didn't wake me up but stagged on for me because he knew I was knacked after coming off of a command appointment. He didn't even mention it until I asked the next day.
  2. Spanish_Dave

    Spanish_Dave LE Good Egg (charities)

    He pobably fell asleep on stag and used that aged old excuse :lol:
  3. How many times have i heard someone say i did your stag for you cause i wasn't tired or i knew you needed the sleep? More like, i fell asleep on stag and didn't wake up until 3 hours later! :)
  4. Fair point. And I bought the guy a beer too! But I have seen it happen for the right reasons.
  5. I did this once in South Armagh on a covert OP, I woke the next bloke to say I'd do his stag because I wasn't tired and so he wouldn't accuse me of sleeping on stag - he spent the next month calling me Jack for waking him up!
  6. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    My brother tried to skip off for some R&R during training by saying his missus was ill in hospital - she wasn't, they checked, he got put in the glass-house for trying (and failing FFS) to go AWOL. Muggins got sent to dixieland for being his facking brother, even though I was doing nicely thank you very much.

    He got dishonourable discharge (deserved), I got badged, even more deserved.

    Can't think of anyone who's done me any big favours, but that's mostly 'cos I'm a cnut, and nobody in their right mind would help me!
  7. Not sure if this qualifies as jack but the guy was a total nobber of the highest order.

    fcked the ligaments in my ankle on exercise to the point of nearly jacking (the sgt maj on the exercise said i was jack if i went home as there was only 2 days left and i didnt want to be know as 'that jack cnut') so, despite the medic advising me if i wanted to carry on i would have no comeback as he wasn't sure how bad my injury was, i shut the fack up and got on with it. After a day's worth of platoon attacks we stopped for an admin break and the sec commander took me to one side to ask how i was and if i needed anything don't hesitate to ask. On return to the rest of my section I heard this guy saying that he was fed up of carrying me through the exercise and could someone else do it.......... He was the other end of marching order and the Pillock wasn't even in my fire team. I explained nicely to him that he hadn't helped out at all (in fact he was the sections biggest liabilty) and if he came anywhere near me for the rest of the ex then I'd put him in a fcking wheelcair to which the sec commander seconded.

    Anyway, later that night I found myself having to do a double stag. When I asked why my 2ic had told me that Mr Big Nuts (who had been carrying me through the whole exercise) reckons he had gone down with hypothermia and didnt want to tell the DS as they might RTU him so the 2ic gave him a full nights kip. Que me walking straight up to his scratcher, kicking it and telling him to get the **** up and take the last hour of stag.

    You should have heard him when we was collecting brass at the end of the ex bigging how well he had done over the ex. That was, until, the whole platoon (including the platoon sgt) told him to shut up as he was possibly the worst guy there and that no one there would fight a war with him if he was the last fcknut on earth.

    Long story but he was a jack cnut.
  8. 2 jack ***** on my inf mod course. Mod 1 (2 weeks) is in tent lines, Mod 2 (2 weeks) is out field. In Mod 1 to get us used to gun picket we had to do a fire picket every night. It was ******* cold as we were in south Aus, which get similar temps to England, top this with crap cold weather gear and you have a nut freezer. We were allowed to patrol around the tent lines on picket and make ourselves a brew in the mess hall and base ourselves there and just keep patrolling every 15 mins or so.

    One night it got to -4 and the Seco's said we could all sleep in the mess hall if we wished, **** that we all thought its going to be cold out field and we need to get used to it. 2 people out of the section did though and because of this no one was allowed in the mess to brew up on picket, together with this one of the jack ***** was the one doing the picket list and he put him and his shit lips mate on first stag, so they had a nice sleep in the warm all night. Jack *****
  9. I had to lift the corner of a SWB Rover while the wheel was changed. That was the most jack thing that happened to me.
  10. 2 Points:

    a) A W02 failed to pay for a 1000cc Honda Goldwing combo.

    b) I was refused permission to seek med treatment after a nasty fall.

    The guy in point a) has since died of cancer. The MOD accepted liability for point b) when assessing my claim for WP (5 years after the event they acknowledged I had in fact broken my leg!!)
  11. Didn't happen to me but.

    Found a 5.56mm round under the seat in the TV room of the guard room.

    Picked it up,put it in me pocket and threw it over the fence on my next prowler.

    Luckily i was gone before they did the handover/takeover.

    Jack yep thats me.
  12. [​IMG]


    Jack little mong in my section on ex in BATUS thought cleaning an LMG quickly involved opening the top cover and squirting in some oil then closing the top cover. Naturally it jammed when we needed him most!

    These pics are of the side of our Warrior when he also opened up on them and not the big dirt bank with the wooden targets in it...easy to get them confused I suppose!?

    Before you point it out, the round I am holding in the one pic for scale is not the 5.56 from the LMG that caused the hole, its a 7.62 from the warrior I found in said dirt bunker.
  13. I could hardly sleep last night i felt so jack.

    whilst shopping at asda recently i spotted some cheap alarm clocks, 97p each, haha i thought, ill have some fun with these!

    last night whilst the boys were busy on there xbox's laptops phones etc me and a mucker went in and as he gave me nessecary cover i planted the clocks around the room (4 man) in a laundry bag, top locker and on top of a locker.

    previously id set the alarms for 1am 3 am and 5 am then wrapped each one in brown tape to add to the frustration!

    picture the scene at 1am, as the lads start giving "soldier A" feck all for the alarm from his pit, he is in denial! its not my alarm!!! in the end he gets up with one of the boys and finds it. being the lad that he his he wangs it right out of the window ( and i thought he'd unwrap it to turn it off)

    3am another alarm! the lads again blame soldier A, this time he knows its not from his pit and a bed argument kicks off until someone gets up to find it.

    unfortunatly the lads then realise they have been stitched right up and not knowing how many clocks there are the are forced to turn the electrics off and listen in the dark in silence for the ticking (feckers found the 5am clock)

    meanwhile i had a nice nights sleep.

    yep i felt really bad at one point, but the buz and everyone else's pishin themselves this mornin as the 4 lads were whinging in the cookhouse out weighed it.

    so there you go, get yourself to tesco or asda and get a few for those you love!
  14. Yeah had this happen at Warcop live firing with crow, some of the pads went home for the night and one of them (an LI fullscrew) had one of those annoying soldier ones that blows reveille, he set it for 0300 and locked it in his metal locker - oh how fcuking funny!