The most abnormally "equipped" bloke in your unit.

#1
Ok fuckin' dokey, I am going to tread very carefully with this subject, but it has to be raised.

I know that none of us make a habit out of checking out other bloke's tackle in the showers, but have any of you served with somebody who was a complete and utter f*cking mutant?

Many years ago, I served with a chap who shall be called "Paul", mainly because he was actually called Paul.

This guy was a staunchly hetero all round good egg, played for the ship's rugby team, was going officer etc, etc.

Shortly after I had joined the ship, I was in the bathrooms one morning having a shave, when the fella next to me elbowed me in the ribs, and hissed:

"Look at fookin' Paul, he's fookin' deformed, man.."

"P*ss off, I don't want to look at some bloke's c*ck"

"No, no, just take a fookin' look, it's just not right. He must pass out every time he gets wood"

Against my better judgement, I took a peek. The man was hung like a f*cking Silverback gorilla: he could of quite easily lost a stone in weight just by getting somebody to lift up the end of his toggle as he was standing on the scales.

In it's flaccid state, this thing was hanging half way down his thigh. In any kind of sea-state, the showers were haunted by the plangent slapping noise it made as it swung from side to side.

As I have said, I don't go out of my way to check out other geezer's todgers in the shower, but this thing was not to be ignored. Has any body else had to serve with somebody who was the white man's last great hope?

Sadly, there is an unhappy postscript to this story.
With the gifts that the Lord had bestowed upon him, Paul could of walked onto the set of any Porn film in the World and demanded 50 quid an hour as a Stunt-C*Ck.
Unfortunately, he chose to turn his back on the golden opportunities offered by God's munificence, and chose a darker path, by becoming an SD Sub Lieutenant....
 
#4
smoojalooge said:
i can almost touch the bottom of a pint glass with my knob on the flop
From Party Tricks Thread

This is true. When i served with smoojalooge he was selected to represent the corps purely because the captain wanted to take him and show him off to the rest of the lads. Quite often in bars all over the world sombody will see smoojalooge and shout "Smooje show us your c ock." Then proceed to describe this feat to every individual in the bar until smooje actually perfoms.

The women of the bar are then heard to utter "why is it always the ugly ones with the big c ocks"
 
#5
Thebull140 said:
The women of the bar are then heard to utter "why is it always the ugly ones with the big c ocks"
you are in for such a kicking anyway the woman who said that's husband was addicted to whores and moved to oz without telling her.

She was a great judge
 
#6
Come on then smooj, what we really need to know is if you're a grower or a shower?!

Length of a pint glass is probably about average for a bloke on the wood, does your captain get any bigger or just swell with blood?! 8O
 
#7
luke said:
Come on then smooj, what we really need to know is if you're a grower or a shower?!

Length of a pint glass is probably average for a bloke on the wood, does your captain get any bigger or just swell with blood?! 8O
why do you fancy me
 
#8
Thebull140 said:
smoojalooge said:
i can almost touch the bottom of a pint glass with my knob on the flop
From Party Tricks Thread

This is true. When i served with smoojalooge he was selected to represent the corps purely because the captain wanted to take him and show him off to the rest of the lads. Quite often in bars all over the world sombody will see smoojalooge and shout "Smooje show us your c ock." Then proceed to describe this feat to every individual in the bar until smooje actually perfoms.
Fine, but you don't say if its a jug or a straight glass.
 
#9
smoojalooge said:
luke said:
Come on then smooj, what we really need to know is if you're a grower or a shower?!

Length of a pint glass is probably average for a bloke on the wood, does your captain get any bigger or just swell with blood?! 8O
why do you fancy me
Nah but my bird is curious :lol:
 
#10
Standard pint glass.
 
#11
I said it before and I'll say it again...

For scientific purposes we need PICS!


I have been told that fellas that have massive c*cks when on the flop don't have any significant noticeable size change when stiff?.

Could you confirm this Smooj?

P.S Don't forget to e-mail the pics! LOL
 
#12
Knew a Rec Mech (Mick W) who had a 12 incher (I never actually measured it, honest :) ). Didn't do him much good since the only bird that he ever tempted back to his room stormed out with the words "You ain't sticking that up me". Laugh, did we fcuk since we were queuing outside for "two's up" - abnormally big dicks spoil it for everyone!

He had a rubber doll he bought in Hamburg (Cold Ethel) but she was no use after her tit got ripped off at a blokes 21 party celebrations. He buried her in a shoebox outside our block in Haig Bks, Hohne.
 
#13
Picture the scene: a CSE show a few years ago, and the female singer on stage wants someone to do a duet with. One bloke, a gruff brummie, muscles his way to the front and jumps up on stage. Smiling, she gives him the microphone.

"I can't sing but I've got a huge c0ck" says the bloke, exposing what can only be described as a Grand National winner's appendage to huge cheers from the crowd.
 
#14
Thebull140 said:
smoojalooge said:
i can almost touch the bottom of a pint glass with my knob on the flop
From Party Tricks Thread

This is true. When i served with smoojalooge he was selected to represent the corps purely because the captain wanted to take him and show him off to the rest of the lads. Quite often in bars all over the world sombody will see smoojalooge and shout "Smooje show us your c ock." Then proceed to describe this feat to every individual in the bar until smooje actually perfoms.

The women of the bar are then heard to utter "why is it always the ugly ones with the big c ocks"
So far we've established that it's large but................




What does it taste like, chicken or c0ck?
 

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
One of Fatherinblacks soldiers back in the days of National Service was excused PT on the ground of his gross appendage.

His chat up line in the pubs of Manchester was "Put your hand on my knee and give me a w@nk" which produced shocked giggles until one of the girls did touch his knee, then it turned to pure hungry shock.
 
#16
slightly off topic, but we had a gnr in our bty in hohne who used to put his length on a table in the bar and let people stand on it
 
#17
Geordie_Blerk said:
Thebull140 said:
smoojalooge said:
i can almost touch the bottom of a pint glass with my knob on the flop
From Party Tricks Thread

This is true. When i served with smoojalooge he was selected to represent the corps purely because the captain wanted to take him and show him off to the rest of the lads. Quite often in bars all over the world sombody will see smoojalooge and shout "Smooje show us your c ock." Then proceed to describe this feat to every individual in the bar until smooje actually perfoms.

The women of the bar are then heard to utter "why is it always the ugly ones with the big c ocks"
So far we've established that it's large but................




What does it taste like, chicken or c0ck?
I'm not quite sure, I'll pass it on for him to pop round and see you then you can find out and let everyone know. We all know you airborne fellas are a little bit "friendlier" than most. :lol:
 
#18
I once had a Pte Called 'Shergar' about whom my rather niave OC once asked "Is he called Shegar because he's a fast runner"???? 8O 8O 8O
On a conected theme apparently, and i'm no expert here, those gentlemen with a large flaccid ..... genrally only firm up rather than grow whilst those with a small flaccid tend to grow rather than just firm up. Hence the term 'Growers and Showers'
 
#19
There used to be a bloke who frequented the pubs in Aldershot. He would stand at the corner of the bar in the Hogs Head, wearing tight trousers, with something resembling a 4 pound maggot stuffed down his strides.

I used to think it must be fake, like he'd put a dildo down his trousers, until he stood next to me at the urinal one evening. He was having to stand quite a way back from the pisser, and couldnt get his hand round it. I've never seen the like, and hope i never will again.

Boney
 
#20
Used to have a bloke in a my unit, Y***** H******, who would ask girls if they wanted his phone number. When they said yes he would stick the inner of a biro down his japs eye and write the number with his c0ck. Never got a blow job though and rarely a shag. It used to scare the shit out of em.
 

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