The Morning Fart

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Escape-from-PPRuNe, Jun 5, 2005.

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  1. Few things match the sense of satisfaction that comes with - The First Fart of the Day. You know, you wake up, crack open the lids, and at some moment in the next twenty or so minutes, you will move in some fashion, and uncork a really long fart, the sort that changes key halfway through and seems to go round corners on its way out. And you are ready to face the Day...
  2. Yep. Signs of a good day ahead, always
  3. made even better if you shove your girlfriends / wifes head under the covers just as you rip.... then hold them there... :)

    aaahhhh what a beautiful day ahead. :wink:

    proper naafi topics are back ...great days.
  4. To echo another NAAFI Bar thread...."D-I-V-O-R-C-E...."

    The day the Tankie tries to give me a Dutch oven with one of his WMD-grade curry farts, I will have to assume my life is being threatened and file for a restraining order. 8O
  5. That is tantamount to a proposal of marriage..........
  6. I'm on Folic Acid and Iron due to sprogging, now THAT'S fart fodder!

    I've never actually gagged on my own stink before, but the first real 'nuclear' set in after the third days dosage, paint stripper couldn't have done more damage if I’d drank a half gallon!

    I'm so proud of my new room-clearing trick, although I do fear being banned from B & Q.

    Beebs :lol:
  7. F*ck me, you are a sweet little thing aren't you.
  8. Beebs: Heh. That's the real joy of motherhood.

    The First Fart is of course part and parcel of the First Dump, which is one of life's most underrated pleasures (and successfullly ties this to the "Celebration of the Crapper" thread).
  9. I can see what Mr BBC sees in you :lol:
  10. All of us Guinness drinkers greet the new day with a barrage of anally-exhaled horrors.
    Eat a few pickled eggs as well, and by morning you will be blistering the Artex off the ceiling :)
  11. Just some facts on cutting the cheese :lol:

    How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?
    Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever.
    Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a small enclosed area such as an elevator, a small room, or a car. These conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the walls.

    Why is there a 13 to 20 second delay between farting and the time it starts to smell?
    Actually, the fart stinks immediately upon emergence, but it takes several seconds for the odor to travel to the farter's nostrils. If farts could travel at the speed of sound, we would smell them almost instantly, at the same time we hear them.

    Do men fart more than women?
    No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.
  12. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    The posts re - Morning farts have been very positive so far. But if, after a night on the razzle, complete with pizza/kebab on top of lots of gas loaded lager/beer, you wake up and feel the first stirrings of a good one coming on - wait - is there something lurking just behind the gas cloud a tad more solid but of the liquid, rather than gas consistency?

    You are now faced with the situation of - do I let it rip in bed and chance a follow through, or do I get up and go to the bog for a sit down which may produce nothing other than a blast from the past?

    These, Gents are the decisions which separate men from boys. (or in Michael Jacksons case................. allegedy)
  13. i agree this does seperate the men from the boys.

    i always find that when in this situation i will let rip but slowly and clenching my bum cheeks together so that if i follow through then there will be minimal splattering of brown liquid on the sheets, so in turn less cleaning up involved.

    anyone else have any methods of dealing with the fart / follow through dilemma?
  14. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    We're the sickos? YOU found the website :lol: