The Morning After

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by paratus, Sep 24, 2008.

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  1. Jack woke up with a killer hangover after attending his firm's
    Christmas Party.

    He didn't even remember how he got home. It's 8.30. What day is it?
    Thursday. His wife must have gone to work.

    As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding
    headache, his stomach plummeted as he wondered what the hell he did
    last night.

    He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a
    couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
    And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly picked from the garden.

    He sat up. The bedroom was clean and tidy, - there was no trail of
    drunkenly abandoned clothes, fresh air was coming in through the
    window and all was serene. He stumbled to the bathroom, also pristine, and,
    squinting gingerly into the mirror, saw that he had a black eye.
    This was not a good sign, but no memories were returning.

    As he concentrated hard on getting the world into focus, he saw a
    post-it note stuck on the corner of the mirror. It was written in
    red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife.

    'I'll ring your office and tell them you won't be in today.
    Breakfast is in the oven. Try to eat something and go back to bed
    for the morning.
    There's snooker on TV this afternoon. Take it easy today, hope your
    eye doesn't hurt too much. See you tonight. I love you, darling!
    Jillian. x '

    He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast,
    steaming hot coffee and the newspaper. His teenaged son was sitting
    at the table, eating.

    Jack, bracing himself, asked his son what happened the previous

    ' Well, you came home after 3 A.M. , drunk and out of your mind.
    You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the
    hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he
    asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order,
    aspirins by the bed, a nice note from Mum and breakfast waiting for

    His son replied, 'Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and
    when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me
    alone you slapper, I'm married!!'

    Broken Coffee Table £250
    Hot Breakfast £3.50
    Two Aspirins 20p
    Saying the right thing, at the right time......PRICELESS
  2. If I show this to 'er indoors will she for give me for throwing up port down the kitchen curtains?

    will she fek (it was fekkin 1998-burns Night to be exact) I ain't getting absolution for that.....ever