The morning after...

#1
Most people on here will recognise this syndrome.

It’s the one in which you wake up one morning and find something unusual has happened last night whilst drunk, but you have no recollection of how it might have come about. A bit like the student waking to find a traffic cone in his bedroom. (Yes, I know that’s not remotely funny, I just used it for illustrative purposes.)

Anyway my point is that this Saturday I woke to find my pillow full of blood and half of one of my ears missing. I have no idea how this might have happened.

I didn’t go out the previous night, although I did get royally drunk at home. I don’t have any pets, neither is my house infested with rodents. My wife isn’t given to eating human flesh either, so I’m somewhat perplexed as to why I’m missing half an ear.

I’m not all that bothered about it but it did set me wondering;

what’s your most disturbing wake-up realisation?
 
#2
Got a photo of said lug ..... did you try and cut your hair with the kitchen scissors or was it just rough sex !!!!
 
#3
You have a photograph? Fantastic! Send it, send it...
 
#4
Lucky_Jim said:
Most people on here will recognise this syndrome.

It’s the one in which you wake up one morning and find something unusual has happened last night whilst drunk, but you have no recollection of how it might have come about. A bit like the student waking to find a traffic cone in his bedroom. (Yes, I know that’s not remotely funny, I just used it for illustrative purposes.)

Anyway my point is that this Saturday I woke to find my pillow full of blood and half of one of my ears missing. I have no idea how this might have happened.

I didn’t go out the previous night, although I did get royally drunk at home. I don’t have any pets, neither is my house infested with rodents. My wife isn’t given to eating human flesh either, so I’m somewhat perplexed as to why I’m missing half an ear.

I’m not all that bothered about it but it did set me wondering;

what’s your most disturbing wake-up realisation?
Wanting to gnaw off my own arm after discovering what was laying upon it. Fat bitch.

Anyways, any pictures of said ear?
 
#5
Pictures could be arranged, if there's the demand.
 
#7
But this isn't about me, it's about you! Tell me your stories, share them with your Arrse brethren.

Let's revel in your tales of the morning after.
 
#8
More tea, Vicar?
 
#10
Show me the mangled ear!

One time I had absolutely no recollection after about 10pm of the previous night. My confusion was further compounded by my mates winding me up about what had happened. The stories got worse and I was really quite worried. Never did find out what was real and what was bullshít.
 
#12
Forks said:
he stories got worse and I was really quite worried. Never did find out what was real and what was bullshít.
Ive been there. Some of what I'd apparently done would have got me arrested.
 
#13
Sunny Hohne a while back, went out for a couple of drinks on camp - nothing too mental.

Woke up feeling a bit cold - Jogging along one of the camp roads in the snow! I stopped, looked round and retraced my steps - fresh snow everywhere so it was easy to find out where I was. Followed the footprints back to two foot shaped pieces of tarmac - nothing around them for a good 15 foot, this is were I must have stopped what I was doing and had a bit of an upright snooze, I must have got cold and decided to warm up with a bit of a jog. (I must have been pissed as there is no way on earth I would consciously decide to go for a run.)

It was then that I realised why I was so bloody cold - I looked down at my trousers - ripped to shreds, blood everywhere! (Looked like I'd tried to rape the perimeter fence and the bush next to it!)

I decided to get back to the block bloody quick before I got pinged, I legged into the block, into bed and got my head down. I was just drifting off to sleep but couldn't quite doze off - bloody alarm clock was too loud. It took me a while to work out that I didn't own an alarm clock, a few minutes later I worked out I was in the wrong room, a few seconds later I realised I was in the wrong accommodation! (I was only a few days into my posting!)

I took me a good 20mins to find the right block and room. It took me a month to pull out 48 metal splinters and thorns from around my legs and groin.

I feel I must now apologise to the poor bastard from the Artillery who had a blood soaked bed space and not a clue how it happened.

I would like to thank the lads from 9/12L and attached bods who after that pointed me in the direction of my room or a bar that was still serving. Cheers!

CC_TA
 
#15
In Germany came home to the FLAT one night slightly the worse for were, got into bed and at some point woke up for a p1ss, went UPSTAIRS completed my business and returned to the bedroom where i tried to turn the TV on, it was at this point the bloke that lived above me said "you don't live here mate you're in the flat below. I think at that point i must have got my naked arse downstairs becasue all i can remember is waking up in my own bed with a stinking hangover.

Fortunatly i was posted 6 weeks later, but avoiding the couple in the flat above for those 6 weeks was hell.
 
#16
Crawled out of bed only to find my clothes on the floor pished through , mmm feck me I thought I best make a sharp exit here so of I go thinking I've swamped in her bedroom and how the hell am I going to explain that one away as I can't remember a thing.

Hang on, I woke up in a daze only to see her sat on a draw she had pulled out of the chester draws , yep my clothes were under that lot when she swamped her OWN drawer and my clothes, dirty bint as I had to go 20 miles in a cab pished through !!!

Did her again some time later and I woke to see her sticking her arrse in the wash basket having another bladder relieving pish !!

Never went back .
 
#18
I woke up on a Sunday with a bit of a sore face. When I went to the cookhouse everyone laughed and did the old "what about you?!!". It wasn't until later and it became apparent. I had been in the NAAFI bar the previous night and when the canteen cowboy and dog handler came round I had decided to cuddle the guard dog in a "you're my bezzer, I love you" stylee. Cue large alsation hanging from my face and large bite marks over my fizzer for a wee while after. You live and learn..........

The other was waking after proposing to the missus hammered in a Llanelli nightclub. Classy. Nearly 13 years (3 kids, 2 houses, umpteen pets) later and it's reasonably funny. Nostalgia huh?!
 
#19
PoisonDwarf said:
The other was waking after proposing to the missus hammered in a Llanelli nightclub. Classy. Nearly 13 years (3 kids, 2 houses, umpteen pets) later and it's reasonably funny. Nostalgia huh?!
What Tom Peppers or bar looney as it's called.
 

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