The morning after...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Lucky_Jim, Feb 12, 2007.

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  1. Most people on here will recognise this syndrome.

    It’s the one in which you wake up one morning and find something unusual has happened last night whilst drunk, but you have no recollection of how it might have come about. A bit like the student waking to find a traffic cone in his bedroom. (Yes, I know that’s not remotely funny, I just used it for illustrative purposes.)

    Anyway my point is that this Saturday I woke to find my pillow full of blood and half of one of my ears missing. I have no idea how this might have happened.

    I didn’t go out the previous night, although I did get royally drunk at home. I don’t have any pets, neither is my house infested with rodents. My wife isn’t given to eating human flesh either, so I’m somewhat perplexed as to why I’m missing half an ear.

    I’m not all that bothered about it but it did set me wondering;

    what’s your most disturbing wake-up realisation?
  2. H3

    H3 LE

    Got a photo of said lug ..... did you try and cut your hair with the kitchen scissors or was it just rough sex !!!!
  3. You have a photograph? Fantastic! Send it, send it...
  4. Wanting to gnaw off my own arm after discovering what was laying upon it. Fat bitch.

    Anyways, any pictures of said ear?
  5. Pictures could be arranged, if there's the demand.
  6. Fucking right there is!

    Post Post Post!
  7. But this isn't about me, it's about you! Tell me your stories, share them with your Arrse brethren.

    Let's revel in your tales of the morning after.
  8. More tea, Vicar?
  9. Show me the mangled ear!

    One time I had absolutely no recollection after about 10pm of the previous night. My confusion was further compounded by my mates winding me up about what had happened. The stories got worse and I was really quite worried. Never did find out what was real and what was bullshít.
  10. H3

    H3 LE

    How the feck do I have a photo of YOUR ear ........ you still pished !!!!
  11. Ive been there. Some of what I'd apparently done would have got me arrested.
  12. Sunny Hohne a while back, went out for a couple of drinks on camp - nothing too mental.

    Woke up feeling a bit cold - Jogging along one of the camp roads in the snow! I stopped, looked round and retraced my steps - fresh snow everywhere so it was easy to find out where I was. Followed the footprints back to two foot shaped pieces of tarmac - nothing around them for a good 15 foot, this is were I must have stopped what I was doing and had a bit of an upright snooze, I must have got cold and decided to warm up with a bit of a jog. (I must have been pissed as there is no way on earth I would consciously decide to go for a run.)

    It was then that I realised why I was so bloody cold - I looked down at my trousers - ripped to shreds, blood everywhere! (Looked like I'd tried to rape the perimeter fence and the bush next to it!)

    I decided to get back to the block bloody quick before I got pinged, I legged into the block, into bed and got my head down. I was just drifting off to sleep but couldn't quite doze off - bloody alarm clock was too loud. It took me a while to work out that I didn't own an alarm clock, a few minutes later I worked out I was in the wrong room, a few seconds later I realised I was in the wrong accommodation! (I was only a few days into my posting!)

    I took me a good 20mins to find the right block and room. It took me a month to pull out 48 metal splinters and thorns from around my legs and groin.

    I feel I must now apologise to the poor bastard from the Artillery who had a blood soaked bed space and not a clue how it happened.

    I would like to thank the lads from 9/12L and attached bods who after that pointed me in the direction of my room or a bar that was still serving. Cheers!

  13. No, just irony mate :thumright:
  14. In Germany came home to the FLAT one night slightly the worse for were, got into bed and at some point woke up for a p1ss, went UPSTAIRS completed my business and returned to the bedroom where i tried to turn the TV on, it was at this point the bloke that lived above me said "you don't live here mate you're in the flat below. I think at that point i must have got my naked arse downstairs becasue all i can remember is waking up in my own bed with a stinking hangover.

    Fortunatly i was posted 6 weeks later, but avoiding the couple in the flat above for those 6 weeks was hell.