The Mons Mafia


Book Reviewer
There seem to have been a lot of people who spent there time, or lumps of it, at the former penal colony on Mons Barracks.

For me it brings back memories of inappropriate block parties that always started with ABC, The Look Of Love. Spending dull autumn mornings killing rats in the wash room. Sneaking into 41 Squadron's happy hour on a Friday & watching the RCT trials unit dragging the remains of the latest unfortunate test vehicle back from Long Valley in two or more pieces.

I must have forgotten many things, anyone care to prompt my old memory?
41 Squadron's bar was almost a second home, think i had honourary membership cos of the amount of beer tokens that crossed the bar.

Beat the pants of anything else on offer in good ole Mons Bks.
The gobdoc bar, The 'TMJ', the cookhouse at lunchtimes during the week full of 'come and get it boys' QA dental girls (in the old days prior to them becoming badged RADC).


The joy of sleeping under you bed on saturday Morning, as there was always a shortfall on weekend guard!

If you did get spammed, waking the duty cook up to make lunch, who would be so pissed he'd just give us the keys and pass on what to do!

Stabbings in the dinner queue.

Christmas dinner wars!

Degotiating the canal bridge from St Omer, ripping your gear to $hit!

The bar on a Friday afternoon, RCT Lcpls hanging their KF shirt up behind the bar and drinking all weekend (Nearly) and then placing the said shirt back on and going to work.

Having 22 year LCpls from the RCT and this was the norm.

Every RAMC released from MCTC in 1982- went to 6 Fd Fce Fd Amb.

The ID parades in the gym every few weeks for an assaulted QA at the Cambridge Club.

Being banned from above club, but going every week.

Tours of Norway and Turkey. Being away for 3 months of the year.

Bent RAPC Sgts!

Decorating the bar in black and knocking down supporting walls.

Lads being excused shaving before the Weds Rugby.

Crossbow practice across the 12 men rooms!

Pads dossing in your bed, when youre away for a weekend.

Getting a locker and bed not before 2 weeks atleast. Living out of a suitcase.

Washing 58 pat webbing in the washing machines

Nearly burning down block 33 looking for a petrol leak on a triumph tiger with a match (Not me!)

Great days for 3 years, never forgotten- it reads like a work of fiction!

Top thread!!!

1982-Falklands, losing two great mates and a great 2IC- RIP
I remember doing a tour of the accommodation with the then RSM (Mc*ale) and finding a girlie living in one of the drying rooms. She had done it out really nice, and I remember her demanding to know who the hell we were. I leave it to your imagination what the Badgeman's reply was - fair to say that he had'nt attended his EO/customer care training at that stage.

I also remember a young RMOs introduction to the soldiers Xmas lunch - it must have taken him years to get the mince pie stains out of his SD. He's a 1* now, so it did'nt do him any harm.

A mad, but good unit.


Book Reviewer
I'd forgotten the cookhouse keys/help yourself system and the dinner queue stabbing in the face incident; I'd just walked out when that happened.

The fun of making IEDs out of jars and throwing them across the waste land near the motorbike sheds.

I can recall advising a not very bright RADC orderly sgt with a famously crispy ear that doing a block check for women at the weekend could result in his corpse being found floating in the Basingstoke canal. He wouldn't back down so I offered to do the 11 oclock lock up and made sure all the women had gone before his 11.30 bed check. The poor cows froze to death on the banks of the canal until midnight then went back to bed leaving him with no opportunity to look at young girls in the buff.


The early call system, which mean the newest Pte waking up the most psycho RCT Cpl with a broom handle from the end of the bed as he would wake and batter them due to a past experience.
Is this the Mons Bks that used to be located where the tennis cts are now. Used to be made from recycled dust bins or something. 16 something or other I seem to vagley remember. if so deployed with these guys straight out of training in 82, intreasting to say the least.
Pox_Dr said:
Is this the Mons Bks that used to be located where the tennis cts are now. Used to be made from recycled dust bins or something. 16 something .
This was the home for 16 Fd Amb and just as it was forming 23 Para Pd Amb, it was also the home for the RADC - until it was knocked down. 16 Fd Amb moved to Tidworth and 23 Para Fd Amb to Browning Bks !

The dental people all moved to Duchess of Kent Barracks we all those lovely girls are :twisted:


Pox_Dr said:
Is this the Mons Bks that used to be located where the tennis cts are now. Used to be made from recycled dust bins or something. 16 something or other I seem to vagley remember. if so deployed with these guys straight out of training in 82, intreasting to say the least.
It had a rough 'refugee' quality, very few inspections, as the place was minging anyway.

The accom blocks were laws unto themselves, not sure the Ord Sgt even knew who was where!

Had the AMF(L) Med section and RAP based there.

I recall a great day when the parade square was graffittied with huge letters and the parade fell in on it, only to get 'Get on parade!!!' We duley marched 13 paces, right 1-2. It passed the days.

We never saw our Section Sgts and were, quite rightly, directed by ancient Cpls.


Book Reviewer
I remember having a 5 minute chat from our troop commander straight after the pass out parade where he advised us that never again would we be accomodated in such poor surroundings as the recruit block at keogh "unless you are going to Keogh barracks"

I was okay 'cos i had a posting order for Connaught Barracks from MRO Glasgow.

So a week later I arrived at Aldershot, got in a taxi and asked to go to Connaught Barracks, the driver laughed, asked me what my unit was and then took me past the ghostly remains of Connaught hospital and all the wastelands around it before depositing me at Keogh guard room.......oh how I laughed when I remembered my troop commander's words.

It was even better when I was delivered to block 29 and told to make my was still flatpacked in a box with a screwdriver taped on top. We used to go outside in the morning to warm up in the sunshine like little lizards.

I'm sounding like Les Dawson now but sadly it was true.


Great stories.

I recall on returning from Norway after along 3 months with the AMF(L), one of our number found a orange smk gren (before the days of stringent airport security) in his bergan and decided the best way to get rid of it was just pop and chuck it. This he did just as the ice cream van (sweeties and pop etc) owned by the PCT SSGt turned up in front of the blocks. The grenade rolled slowly under the van and engulfed it in orange staining smoke. How the large Airborne Geordie with orange hair and furry cheekbones laughed!

Quality thread.


Book Reviewer
Three of us, namely MiB (the virgin) a certain trainee dental hygenist with an interesting history and a well known ex-legionaire had climbed over the locked bridge into the lair of the cookiemonsters for a beer with the girls who smelled of chipfat.

During the evening one of the group got into an altercation with a rather uppity WRAC clerk who said that he was disgusting and uncouth, to which he gave the usual response.

"I suppose a blow job is out of the question then?"

She ran off screaming for the guard commander (her boyfriend) claiming rape.

Two minutes later myself and the legionaire had succesfully scaled the locked bridge by swinging out over the canal whilst holding on to the barbed wire loops with the guard in hot pursuit.

Sadly the third musketeer insisted on finishing his pint before leaving and was caught hanging half way over the canal by the duty officer who had taken an SMG from one of the guard.

After falling into the canal through putting his hands up the hapless adventurer was persuaded to return to the dark side by the officer cocking the weapon.

He ended up standing on the canal bank, soaking wet through whilst a 20 year old subaltern repeatedly prodded him in the guts with the SMG until he took the weapon off him and belted him with it.

He lost his stripe for it but I think it didn't go further as the ivory towers didn't want to deal with why an officer was prodding people in the gut with a weapon.

Two of us saw the funny side of this, anyway.
Anyone remember the woman in the unit Admin Office? Mature, but fit...............I remember having a bit of crush on her, unfortunately the ole' "mature woman takes young virginal soldier in hand, and show's him the way of the World" never got past just being a day dream.

I also remember the Burger van............... run by the grumpiest man in NATO!
I remember a certain Maninblack playing the stranglers really loud to quell the sound of all the fuc8ing going on late at night - lots of moans and groans - beds a banging - can remember the smell of those heaters after a good night romping.

Oh AND a certain technician stealing my bird :twisted: how many was on the job that night :evil:


Using the sinks on a Sunday morning, with two birds washing their clouts without a care in the world.

Being woke at 0200hrs, by a bad man, who offered an old bird from the Ash Vale pub (Being the gentleman I declined). I wondered why he boffed her in another lads bed. In the morning we found out. The Butchers drip tray was down and he had just had coitus behind the DS au naturel.


Book Reviewer
Ventress, I take it that the lady was either Ash vale Rose or her daughter.

GP3, as if I would ever play Stranglers music, the very thought is, .......well,........errrrr........okay, guilty.

As for nicking your bird, well I don't think it was me, if it was then please remind me who she was as I seem to have forgotten.......I don't recall either of us having a bird worth nicking around that time, well, certainly one that would be prepared to enter a party in block 25.

Do you remember the Welsh one who smelled of fish? You could tell when she was getting a portion through two sets of firedoors and that was without the multi lingual Welsh and Geordie moaning and grunting.
maninblack said:
Do you remember the Welsh one who smelled of fish?
Christ, that narrows it down to the nearest ten thousand!!!

Ventress said:
maninblack said:
Ventress, I take it that the lady was either Ash vale Rose or her daughter.
I've never heard of Rose or her daughters. Where is Ash vale?
How about the Frimley Grimley?............not built for speed, but could certainly take the mileage!