The Monkey's Paw

I'm most ARRSErs know the story of the Monkey's Paw wherein the holder is granted three wishes, but each wish had an often terrible price. If you don't know the story you can read it here: Monkey's Paw | Classic Story

I'm not at all sure that it's only a story, as I'm certain that many of today's celebrities got where they are today by using the mummified simian paw.

Take Stephen Hawking for example, I'm sure when he wished to be the most intelligent person on the planet he wasn't expecting to be turned into Davros leader of the Daleks. And I'm equally sure that when Lady Ga-Ga wished to be a highly successful singer she was rather surprised to discover that she'd suddenly grown an eight inch dong.

I'm sure that there are many other examples, so which celebrities do you know of who have experienced the curse of the Monkey's Paw?

David Blunkett dreamed that he had turned into Stevie Wonder, and that his dog had turned into Ozzie Osburne.
Yet more proof of the existence of the Monkey's Paw!

I've no idea what Ciggie wished for, but the curse has obviously relieved him of his marbles.


Have read this Greek tragedy often in the past. Be careful what you wish for. By no means a celebrity, yours truly smelled his fate shortly after taking a new partner, one year ago. Chose to ignore the obvious sense of doom , rubbed the monkey's paw three times and used up all the wishes. Fcuk :)


Tremaine - You smelled your fate? Fates have always smelled of beef burgers, cut grass and beer tents to me.

TT you have hit the nail on the head with the monkey's paw theory. It must be being offered for weekly rental in 'Variety' magazine I think. In fact most trade magazines are most likely running ads for it I think.
Maybe I'm two tense Mr Deputy

"Tense: large portable canvas sheds with flaps, cold sometimes"
It's also quite interesting to compare what people have wished for and the price that they had to pay. Take for example Jeremy Beadle, he wished to be a mediocre TV celebrity, and received a shrunken hand as a penance, whereas Oliver Reed wished to be a film star and got a shrunken liver.

The Monkey's Paw works in mysterious ways....
Vanessa Felz discovered that she was Miriam Stoppard, and that those weight-loss pills were really steroids.


Mike Golden
1. Wished to be a Parachute Regiment Soldier
2. Wished to be adored and respected by serving and ex serving members of HM Forces
3. Wished to be literate.

Looks like he well and truly polished the Monkey's Paw.


Kit Reviewer
Tony Blair wanted to be rich and famous. They turned him orange and, with any luck, he'll be a war criminal soon.

Gordon Brown wanted the world's biggest train set. They took his eye, his sense, and his dignity.

Tom Cruise made his wish for fame at the age of 11. He hasn't grown since. David Beckham did the same, but it was his brain that stopped developing.

Sent from my X10i using Tapatalk
West Ham wished for a star player, they're getting Demba Ba, the star of the one man Hoffenheim mutiny. I wonder what they'll wish for next?
There are of course also examples of historical figures using the Monkey's Paw.

Take Adolf Hitler for example, his career was going swimmingly until he wished for a bigger living room.
I did hear of a naval Officer who wished for: his own command, the bestest shiniest submarine in the fleet and the best seat in the house for a week long rock show. Not very astute of him I think you'll agree.

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