The moisturiser hard sell

Trans-sane

LE
Book Reviewer
#1
I was walking through the local shopping centre today (thats the mall for all you septics) when was was accosted by a reasonable attractive eastern european blonde piece trying to sell me moisturiser and exfoliating products. Normally I'd have fcuked her off but I had just had a job interview that had gone quite well and had no where I needed to be.

She started off quite amusing trying to sell me an aftershave moisturiser because I "have dry skin." Fair enough. She then asks me what sort of shaving products I use (King of shaves oil under source mint gell). She then goes mental saying why do I use oil, I have oily skin blah blah blah. At this point I was still pretty amused but could tell a bad mood was inbound was on the way. She then tries to sell me yet another type of moisturiser becasue I have sensetive skin now. At this point I piped up that I already have a number of useful pre and after shave products that don't cost the GDP of a small African country. Sense of humour failure well and truly arrived. Whool suit, hot day and glass roof on the centre weren't doing my temper any favours, but having a blonde midget trying to critical about my skin condition in badly accented english realy did take the "good interview shine" off my afternoon.

Has anyone else had any aggressive sales persons trying to get you to buy overpriced sh1te by using a collection of badly seleted insults? Did any of you give in and buy any of said sh1te even if it was just to get them to feck right off?
 
#3
The ones who p1ss me off are trying to scam money off you in the middle of the street "give u X pounds and you can enter into this competion! its all for the children!" (bo11ocks thinks I)

I always get the call center nazi's ring my house, when it rings asking for Mrs ?, i reply "sure i'll just get her" and leave the phone on the side just to p1ss them off while i watch TV or go out to the pub. Thats only if i'm in a good mood, the alternative being a simple "fcuk off".
 

Trans-sane

LE
Book Reviewer
#4
In response to the call centre thing, got e-mailed an audio link a few weeks ago. Basically the bloke recieving the call pretended to be the detective investigating the fatal shooting of the owner of the address. Went the whole works demanding the callers name, address and currently location. Even leaned away from the phone shouting to an underling to get in touch with the police in a neighbouring country to arrest the caller for questioning.

Great plan. Bet he didn't get called much after that.
 
#5
I generally find that if I dress scruffily, don't brush my hair and smell of urine they leave me alone.
 
#7
Phones for FCUKing you. I walk in there to look at latest syleish mobely products and get harrased by a sales man who tries to sell me a contract with a phone which was out of date last year. I hate that place.
 
#8
MarkChater said:
Phones for FCUKing you. I walk in there to look at latest syleish mobely products and get harrased by a sales man who tries to sell me a contract with a phone which was out of date last year. I hate that place.
Firstly, you're a dick.

Secondly, you walked into a shop of your own free will and youre annoyed that the bloke in the shop who is employed to sell things tries to sell you things?

Thirdly, you're a dick.
 
#9
ITs aggresive sale pitch. Walk into one and you will understand. It's like going into a shop and have a sales assistant ask you every 2 minutes are you ok.? but worse.
 
#10
MarkChater said:
ITs aggresive sale pitch. Walk into one and you will understand. It's like going into a shop and have a sales assistant ask you every 2 minutes are you ok.? but worse.
But what you fail to understand is YOU walked into his shop. He is employed to try and flog you stuff. Thats how it works. If you dont want him to flog you stuff, tell him to go away. If he doesn't; walk out of the fcuking shop you jellyhead.

I've never ever had a salesperson ask me more than once if hes said 'can I help you?' and I've said 'no'.

Maybe he thinks youre a chav shoplifter and is keeping his eye on you?
 
#11
Suited_And_Booted said:
The ones who p1ss me off are trying to scam money off you in the middle of the street "give u X pounds and you can enter into this competion! its all for the children!" (bo11ocks thinks I)

I always get the call center nazi's ring my house, when it rings asking for Mrs ?, i reply "sure i'll just get her" and leave the phone on the side just to p1ss them off while i watch TV or go out to the pub. Thats only if i'm in a good mood, the alternative being a simple "fcuk off".
Just to let you all know, its the SOP's, for want of a better word, that employees of the companies can't hang the phone up unless you start being threatening or racist....

Therefore, swear away like fuck, they can't hang up unless they want to risk a mild bollocking, and all they can do is ask you to stop. Hours of fun. Seriously, try it :D
 
A

armadillo

Guest
#12
I was at my mates house he went to the loo, and the doorbell rang. It was jehovahs witnesses. Smiling I invited them in and excused myself after a couple of minutes then I snuck off home. He left the toilet came down and found himself stuck with two Jehovahs witnesses on the sofa. He could not get rid off them.

There was a angry phone call later, I am still waiting for the revenge prank!

Armadillo
 
#13
Trans-sane said:
She then asks me what sort of shaving products I use (King of shaves oil under source mint gell).
It's all your own fault for being gayer than gay. What's wrong with cheapo shaving foam, a single blade bic razor and a mess tin full of cold water? I bet you've got one of those Beckham mincer razors with the batteries in (So you can use the vibrating action up yer hoop).
 
#14
more importantly the bird was apparently shagable, therefore why weren't you trying to get in her knickers and give her one up the hoop seeing as you had "nothing else to do" 8O ...slack drills - she obviously had the oils and creams ready to lube herself up.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#15
Trans-sane said:
(King of shaves oil under source mint gell).
If you wish to be really bold, throw three or four capers into your quiche mix, then watch the look of surprise and delight upon your guests faces.
 
#16
Trans-sane said:
In response to the call centre thing, got e-mailed an audio link a few weeks ago. Basically the bloke recieving the call pretended to be the detective investigating the fatal shooting of the owner of the address. Went the whole works demanding the callers name, address and currently location. Even leaned away from the phone shouting to an underling to get in touch with the police in a neighbouring country to arrest the caller for questioning.

Great plan. Bet he didn't get called much after that.

Heres that very call:

clickety
 
#17
Instead of getting worked up, you should be asking yourself why she chose you to try to sell moisturiser to. Was it because you looked like the Singing Detective? As they weren't medicinal products, I doubt it. It must have been because you looked like the kind of image-obsessed, Beckham wannabe poo-nudger who'd buy exorbitantly-priced moisturiser if you thought it'd bring out your inner glow.

Ever thought of becoming a PTI?
 
#18
This place is full of Charity Muggers, all down the high street. Every 5 meters you get some git on a blue pak-a-mac leap at you from a shop doorway and scream
"Do you want to help some poor starving children?"

The joy of summer is wearing sunglasses so they can't make eye contact and have the mp3 player on load enough to drown the feckers out.
 
#19
This place is full of Charity Muggers, all down the high street. Every 5 meters you get some git on a blue pak-a-mac leap at you from a shop doorway and scream
"Do you want to help some poor starving children?"
Give them your best thousand yard stare if they are persistant/brave growl the word busy when they start the sales pitch. job done. As for telesales if its for home improvements windows/garage doors etc. Keep them talking for as long as possible make out your interested when it comes to close the deal ask if the council allows new windows as you live in one of thier properties :twisted:
 
#20
I had the "Can I help you sir?" experience this morning. I simply but politely declined the ropy old bint's offer and carried on browsing. I then stopped an picked something up to read the box. Zoom-whoosh. There she is again asking if I wanted her to fetch an iPod so I could listen to the docking station I had just picked up.

I replied "No, I just liked the colours on the box." Gave her my best Joey's smile. Leered at her sagging breasts and walked out. I hope she can't sleep tonight.
 

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