The masturbation thread.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ravers, Dec 8, 2011.

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  1. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    After spinning a few tugging dits in other threads it became apparent that we need our own dedicated wanking thread.

    Where have you had your most memorable thrap? Personally I still have fond memories of boxing the Jesuit while at the helm of a destroyer in the pitch darkness of night. Despite my best efforts to spaff on the female officer of the watch's leg, I always failed, lack of range you see. I did manage to wipe my hand on her beret though.

    The worst tug I've ever had was in the fetid toilets of a Puerto Rican strip club after receiving a particularly good lap dance. There was poo on the walls and it put me off my stroke. This surprised me to be honest, as a 42 rating, I was used to throwing myself around the stinking aft heads while other men's piss overflowed from the bogs in rough seas and lapped at my arse. It was probably the heroine needles on the floor that made it a struggle.
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  2. What sick perv put this idea of a thread in your head?
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  3. Fuck me Florance Nightingale was a smack heed?
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  4. Ravers. We should make you the coach for the GB sex team at the Olympics.

    You would be sure to come second.
  5. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Who said anything about sex? I'm still a virgin.
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  6. Go tell that to the Marines, as they say.
  7. You have the same problem as Richard Branson and virgin Trains. You pull out to soon.
  8. Danger wank stood at the top of Walker divisions block in Raleigh, started just before the Duty WPO started her evening rounds.

    Worst memory was walking down 3D mess to shake one of the wrens on the Southampton and seeing the fat, gopping WLch with her vibe on full force not realising I was there *shudders*

    I am here:,-4.184290
  9. As you are/were a sailor I assume you mean with a woman? Your anal virginity was lost long ago to a roving bear?
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  10. She was also a lesbo and a hypocondriact who spent the last 3 years of her life in bed.
    (It is not recorded who with.)

    She finally died of syphalis.
  11. I once had a wank in class. German, with a particularly amusing teacher who'd set us some tedious exercise or other. He gave me a couple of odd looks but as I was at the back of the class and sitting at a double table on my own I got away with it. Bloke sitting not two feet away to my left.
  12. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    The horror!

    I used to take broom down 3D on the Exeter to shake the wrens. I'd just poke them through the curtains with it and run away.

    One of the lads was accused of touching one of the fat heffers inappropriately while shaking her, so the broom was entirely necessary.

    I once caught my DO, a charge chief WE, having a good thrap underneath the seadart control room over a phot of his missus in full webbing. He just looked at me and said, "hmmm, well this is awkward."
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  13. So you did the decent thing and offered to hold the photo for him?
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  14. Bouillabaisse

    Bouillabaisse LE Book Reviewer

    Why, was his missus ugly?
  15. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I think it was more the fact that he had smeared himself in faeces and was hanging from a noose at the time.
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