The Mall Ninja.

Awol

LE
Holy Mother of God, this is funny.

Shrine of the Mall Ninja » LonelyMachines

(Taken from a link in the Wiki)

A taster..... with original spelling....

"try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God".

And later.....

"But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training".
 
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Awol

LE
Somebody please tell me it's satire.

"An excellent seminar, by the way which I enjoyed immensely, demonstating to the instructor the proper procedure for breaching steel doorframes was a necessity, the man was a SEAL, and a demolitions expert, but I couldn’t just let him blow himself up".
 
Somebody please tell me it's satire.

"An excellent seminar, by the way which I enjoyed immensely, demonstating to the instructor the proper procedure for breaching steel doorframes was a necessity, the man was a SEAL, and a demolitions expert, but I couldn’t just let him blow himself up".
I think it's been dealt with in the 'walts' section of Arrsepedia, but a for comedy value it takes some beating. A bloke who abhors homosexuality apart from "a one-time experimentation in the military".
 

Awol

LE
I think it's been dealt with in the 'walts' section of Arrsepedia, but a for comedy value it takes some beating. A bloke who abhors homosexuality apart from "a one-time experimentation in the military".
It was linked from the urban legends page. I'm going to be crushed if I discover the bloke wasn't serious.
 

Awol

LE
It just keeps on giving.

" I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls".
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
It just keeps on giving.

" I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls".

I'm with you on this. It has to be a spoof. But if it's raised a smile who cares?

BTW I saw something in the paper this morning about a site dedicated to "corporate boasting on LinkedIn". Worth a snigger methinks...
 
What a AAA Grade Utter Fucking Zoomer.
 
It was linked from the urban legends page. I'm going to be crushed if I discover the bloke wasn't serious.
IIRC the guy responsible was eventually outed and found to be deliberately trolling people on U.S. gun forums. It was claimed he was a manager at a fairly large gun store in Tennessee. That was probably ten years ago or more. So basically he was a wind up merchant. :smile:
 
IIRC the guy responsible was eventually outed and found to be deliberately trolling people on U.S. gun forums. It was claimed he was a manager at a fairly large gun store in Tennessee. That was probably ten years ago or more. So basically he was a wind up merchant. :smile:
Now I am disappointed. I always hoped he was real.
 
Holy Mother of God, this is funny.

Shrine of the Mall Ninja » LonelyMachines

(Taken from a link in the Wiki)

A taster..... with original spelling....

"try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God".

And later.....

"But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training".
He's already been immortalized in Arrsepedia

https://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/The_Mall_Ninja

The Mall Ninja: Saving peoples backdoor virginity one day at a time
 
Holy Mother of God, this is funny.

Shrine of the Mall Ninja » LonelyMachines

(Taken from a link in the Wiki)

A taster..... with original spelling....

"try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God".

And later.....

"But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training".
He's Gen

1562814318604.png


Btw, I wonder if the Specop in the article was a certain Specop on arrse?
 
They should have got Blood Ninja to reply to his posts, for some epic trolling
 
As a civvy who has never served in any capacity whatsoever I nevertheless had to stop reading at this point:
One poster responded, ‘If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really need to come up with a Plan B.”
Colleagues thought I was having some sort of fit.
 
As a civvy who has never served in any capacity whatsoever I nevertheless had to stop reading at this point:
One poster responded, ‘If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really need to come up with a Plan B.”
Colleagues thought I was having some sort of fit.
Keep reading, it gets far, far better
 
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Dwarf

LE
Loved the bit with the shootout when he drops AK47 wielders with double taps.
Maybe on Fortnite.

The man is now my official hero.:worship:

Things to do today:
Stick extra body armour plates in gym bag, just in case.
Go to nearest big Commercial Centre to see if they have a security job.
Sign up for ninja classes.
 

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