The Machine is Breaking Down ....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Juan_Ramirez_III, Nov 14, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I've put this in the bar because, to be fair it's perfect for some quality slagging.

    My issue is simply that I seem to be picking up a lot of injuries lately and its starting to get annoying.

    Went for a run a couple of days ago, usual script, 4-5 mile, slight terrain and done at a half decent pace. Fast forward 2 hours and I'm sat in A and E and left with a chit for some Tramadol and a clutch of torn ligaments. The good side is I've patched in so I can work from the house office and the subsequent boredom has allowed me to delve a bit deeper with some website fuelled onanism.

    It isn't the only thing that is worrying, my lower vertebrae emits a dull ache for at least 6 hours a day and the pain spreads down my left hip joining up with a knee joint that audibly creaks and groans when i warm up, the result is it feels like my lower back and the near full extent of left leg can be unbelievably painful if i stand up after sitting down for too long.

    To top it off I pissed blood twice last week, a steady trickle of scarlet interloper with my piss, and even in my fiery jizz !

    So what's the score ? I'm in my very early thirties, run 20 - 30 mile a week on average and train after work, never struggled when serving, as Royal nor perce, didn't do a significant amount of parachuting or broke any bones, cracked any bits and at worst carried a dose throughout an entire Lion Sun.

    Probably a good thread for homemade remedies, a place to swap prescriptions for various painkillers and for ripping my tired old bones.

    Medics welcome.
    Probably a good thread for homemade remedies, solutions and
  2. You've got Cancer.
  3. That's almost a dead cert judging by 'that' thread.. :)
  4. Lower back, hip and leg pain? Like me, you may have one leg slightly shorter than the other. Genners. Buggers did'nt find this out until after nearly 30 years service. I strongly suggest an Orthopaedic consultation: if not, it could be a life of Diclofenac for you. Fortunately, Diclofenac make you fart at the most inopportune moments.

    Which is nice.

    Blood in your piss? Dunno. Guess it must be cancer.
  5. This might seem obvious.........but have you considered going to see a Doctor?? As for local remedies..........Er no!!!!!

    PM me if you need further advice
  6. Dealing the the most serious symptom first: blood in urine. The cure is remarkably simple and easy: stop letting your boyfriend pummel your kidneys when he reams your shitter. Job done.

    As for the rest: you are a soft hat cunt, and all soft hat cunts suffer after doing any physical activity. This is genetic and nothing can be done.

    Start eating cake and lots of chocolate bars, and just for the amusement of people around you, start wearing orthopedic shoes with really thick soles.
  7. I am gorgeous though, even cripples with bellies full of nutty get laid x :)

  8. Sounds like your pelvis is out of line and sitting at the wrong angle. Try not to spread your legs as wide next time

  9. As we used we used to say among our black humo(u)red recce teammates before a parachute insertion, "If you die can I have your gear?"
  10. That was always lurking waiting for you to fck up, i have a couple of spare bandanas you can have at cost price, and a local dealer is doing hot deals on 4mph buggies at the moment.

    seriously though a lot of symptoms there mate, trip down the doc's sharpish, please keep us updated though,as we love to gossip.
  11. I've a whispa lite cooker some yeti gators and a few hundred grands worth of property if that will do ? I'd insist on you standing by my open casket and repeating the words 'we've never turned up to war in time' over and over again. I'll also arrange for my quite fit younger sister to swallow your rod if you further admit that homosexual sodomites would be a benefit to your beloved Corps ...
  12. You have a younger sister?

    Photos please!
  13. She is lovely, to be fair both are, but my relationship with the eldest was soured a bit when Mum discovered my sisters missing cunt papoose under my teenage pit : ) lush
  14. What the hell is a cunt papoose?

    Was she so slack it was hanging out and needed to be carried around in a bag?
  15. You drive a hard bargain but I can accede to all but the last condition. That will never be said by this Marine.