The Lovers Guide to ARRSE Dating, Part I. By Aunty Beebs

#1
The sudden rise in ARRSE publicity has opened the site to a new wave of 'ladies' (and lady boys) looking for a little rough loving. With this in mind I thought I’d short cut the afore mentioned ladies to the reality of the ARRSE reading population...

And the ARRSE reading population to the reality of these 'ladies' (and ladyboys)... Think Yannie, Shagane, Trillian et al....

ARRSE Man.

1. ARRSE men are all Gods, love scuds, hung like donkeys, ready, willing and able to service the needs of any female and her friends either on an individual basis or in-groups of up to 15 on a first come first served rotation....

2. ARRSE men are low maintenance, they spend most of their day in the gym toning their solid he man physique and the rest of the time is dedicated to the fields of home economics, sensual massage, and Japanese classes on reaching into their souls and releasing their feminine side....

3. ARRSE men are kind, loving and understanding, slow to anger, and eager to please. They demand nothing in return for their undying devotion and are proud to be the bread winner, insisting their mate stays home and rests never to allow a hair on their head to be tainted by pollution or daily work place grime....

4. ARRSE men will never abandon their mate and wander into the male world of sport, preferring to sit at home on a Saturday afternoon and watch the old black and whites with you curled up on the sofa with a bottle of red, box of chocolates and a dozen Cleanex....

Lonely Hearts

1. SHE is the fit young thing in the picture she posted on the boards 15 minutes after finding the site, honest! Those are her breasts and that is her web site quality smile luring you in, honest, honest, honest!

2. SHE is willing able and eager to do all the things she dropped hints about while you flirted furiously via PM and MSN.... Yes it was a bummer her web cam wasn't working, or yours for that matter, oh well you have the power of imagination.

3. SHE does love her boyfriend who is now serving overseas, but she just misses him so much it was a great idea to meet up with single horny guys who understand her needs and respect her in the morning and who, she is assured, are the souls of discretion....

4. SHE is on the pill, hates children, has no intention of being trapped into a relationship with a serving member and being forced to leave her comfortable existence living in her parents 3 bedroom council house with her unemployed father, chain smoking mother, coke head brother, his heroin addict prostitute girlfriend, their two chav twins, Clint and Coco, her 3 younger sisters, Nan, the 2 dogs, 3 cats and assorted rabbits, ferrets and budgies... and why would she!

Well I hope this helps, anything I've missed please feel free to share...

Beebs x :roll:
 

Unknown_Quantity

War Hero
Moderator
#2
5 minutes and this thread's got straight into the sticky bin. That's more success for the thread than pretty much all the flirters and courters so far who have gotten no where near anyones sticky bin!
 
#3
I'd like to thank the academy, my great teachers at school and here on ARRSE, the support of my therapist and the b*stard GP that told me HRT wasn't available on the NHS as a cure for mood swings, C*NT!!!!!!!!!! Oh and the et al girls for their desperation prompting this thread.

Beebs :evil:
 
#4
blessed baby cakes said:
2. ARRSE men are low maintenance, they spend most of their day in the gym toning their solid he man physique and the rest of the time is dedicated to the fields of home economics, sensual massage, and Japanese classes on reaching into their souls and releasing their feminine side....

Eh? What's a gym?
 
#10
THE TRUTH Behind Lonely Hearts.

WOMEN
Athletic - flat chested
Commitment-minded - start choosing curtains
Communicative - just try to get a word in
Emotionally secure - on medication
Employed - has job stuffing envelopes at home
Exotic beauty - would frighten a Martian
Fortyish - 48
Fun - annoying
Light drinker - lush
Loves travel - you're paying!
Non-traditional - ex-husband lives in the basement
Old fashioned - lights out, missionary
Open minded - desperate
Poet - Depressive schizoid
Rubenesque - grossly fat
Stunning - up my own arse
Romantic - looks better in candle light
Spiritual - involved in a cult
Wants soulmate - one step away from stalker
Young at heart - toothless crone

MEN
Athletic - watches football
Average looking - Unusual hair growth
Distinguished looking - fat and grey
Educated - will treat you like the idiot you are
Fortyish - 52, wants 25 year old
Free spirit - shags your sister
Friendship first - As long as it involves nudity
Likes to cuddle - can't get it up
Good looking - Arrogant bastard
Honest - Pathological liar
Huggable - overweight with more body hair than Chewbacca
Light drinker - pisshead
Looks younger - in a bad light
Open minded - wants to shag your sister but she is refusing
Outgoing - loud
Poet - wrote a limerick in a shitter<so true
Professional - owns a suit
Sensitive - closet hommer
Spiritual - had to go to church to get christened
Stable - Stalker (occasionally)
 

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