The Longest Stumble

#1
I was thinking about this today as I drove past a Warehouse where we had an Opening-party, which went on til about 0500hrs.

The place was 13k s away from my home, and I was, to put it mildly, fuckin minging after some 10hrs drinking.

I did nt pull that night (wonder why?), so it was a case of either sharing a hedge with fresh or white dog-shit, or tab home.

I chose to tab it. After breaking out of the warehouse (I was gonking on a Euro-pallett til 0500hrs), and having to climb the zig-zag metal gate, I went for it.

My first port-of-call on-route was a transport company which had a few old Artics outside on the yard. Like you do when totally comatosed, I decided that I d nick one and drive home in that. I managed to gain access into the cab but was unable to start it, so off I went again.

I think it was about the 3k mark where I decided to lay across the middle of the road and force vehicles to stop, which they did, only they didnt give me a lift, to my amazement they gave me nothing other than abuse.

By now it was getting light, and tbh my head was clearing somewhat, so I imagined I was on a CFT, got my head down and started to walk in a sort of straight line.

After many unsuccessful attempts at thumbing-it, I got home at 1000hrs, which I was actually quite proud of given the circumstances.

However, I had over-looked one thing, I never go out on the lag with my keys, so the next part of the task was to gain access to my flat on the first-floor, which I accomplished by scaling the Trelace, which was covered in thorny roses, to the Balcony, and utilising a Barb-b-que Fish-slice, I managed to prise the double-doors open to the flat, and was in.

It was at that moment that I discovered that I had forgotten something important, I should have been at work at 0700hrs.

A quick phone-call to Doc Holiday, and that problem was also solved.

Anyone beat that?
 
#3
I was thinking about this today as I drove past a Warehouse where we had an Opening-party, which went on til about 0500hrs.

The place was 13k s away from my home, and I was, to put it mildly, fuckin minging after some 10hrs drinking.

I did nt pull that night (wonder why?), so it was a case of either sharing a hedge with fresh or white dog-shit, or tab home.

I chose to tab it. After breaking out of the warehouse (I was gonking on a Euro-pallett til 0500hrs), and having to climb the zig-zag metal gate, I went for it.

My first port-of-call on-route was a transport company which had a few old Artics outside on the yard. Like you do when totally comatosed, I decided that I d nick one and drive home in that. I managed to gain access into the cab but was unable to start it, so off I went again.

I think it was about the 3k mark where I decided to lay across the middle of the road and force vehicles to stop, which they did, only they didnt give me a lift, to my amazement they gave me nothing other than abuse.

By now it was getting light, and tbh my head was clearing somewhat, so I imagined I was on a CFT, got my head down and started to walk in a sort of straight line.

After many unsuccessful attempts at thumbing-it, I got home at 1000hrs, which I was actually quite proud of given the circumstances.

However, I had over-looked one thing, I never go out on the lag with my keys, so the next part of the task was to gain access to my flat on the first-floor, which I accomplished by scaling the Trelace, which was covered in thorny roses, to the Balcony, and utilising a Barb-b-que Fish-slice, I managed to prise the double-doors open to the flat, and was in.

It was at that moment that I discovered that I had forgotten something important, I should have been at work at 0700hrs.

A quick phone-call to Doc Holiday, and that problem was also solved.

Anyone beat that?
Fuck no. That is so awesome, its awesome awesome, awesome. It brims over with awesomeness, and I look forward to the film coming out it the not too distant future. Well done young sir, I salutes you. Why should Britain tremble.
 
#5
I walked the 15 miles home from work once. Just because I could. Took me 3 and a half hours and I was totally sober.

Never again.

Sent from my HTC Vision using Tapatalk 2
 
#6
Fuck no. That is so awesome, its awesome awesome, awesome. It brims over with awesomeness, and I look forward to the film coming out it the not too distant future. Well done young sir, I salutes you. Why should Britain tremble.
Cor! I ve only been on here a week and I ve already got a mate!

You are funny Dude, you rock!
 
#7
Cor! I ve only been on here a week and I ve already got a mate!

You are funny Dude, you rock!
Dude? Are you an American person,Texan perhaps?

One sitting in a bar in Cavite City, a mate of mine asked a big Texan , one of a number of Yanks that were queuing up to buy us drinks, why so many Texans had brown eyes. Do you perchance have brown eyes?
 
P

PrinceAlbert

Guest
#10
I got leathered in Beverly with a lad from the Sigs. Somewhere around 2330hrs we came to the conclusion that Harrogate is a good night out and off we went.

We started walking, and walking, and walking. At some point in the night someone stopped and gave us a lift to York, which we weren't too far from at the time. 7 miles rings a bell.

We dossed on the station platform at York for an hour or so, then carried on our walk to Harrogate. We made it into Harrogate at around midday. It took nearly 10 hours of solid walking.

We had fuck all money but managed to chat some young bints up from the AFC. I got the bird to buy us drinks all night, and square a B&B away for us. I nailed the bird whilst Danny slept on the floor.

In the morning the landlady was furious when she found that there were more than 2 of us in the room and tried to get us to pay extra so we bugged out and legged it. The poor girl then did the decent thing and bought us both a rail ticket back to Beverly. I've no idea who she was, or what her name was. She was a very good fuck, and generous to boot. If you're on here, thanks.

I've no idea how far we walked exactly, but it must have been close to 50 miles?
 
#11
However, I had over-looked one thing, I never go out on the lag with my keys, so the next part of the task was to gain access to my flat on the first-floor, which I accomplished by scaling the Trelace, which was covered in thorny roses, to the Balcony, and utilising a Barb-b-que Fish-slice, I managed to prise the double-doors open to the flat, and was in.
Not in possession of "balcony skills" eh? even after a night on the lash?!
Somebody will be along shortly to call you a "Hat shitcunt" and Alec Lomas already has his sights on using your bollocks as tinder to start a fire.
 
#12
Well that's nowt. I got leathered in Chicksands, tabbed to Leconfield for a curry, fell over a sheep in Leek on the way back to camp at Bulford...all in one night!!!! Oh and got a bj from Gypsy fortune teller with one leg and a sequined eye patch.
 
#13
Well that's nowt. I got leathered in Chicksands, tabbed to Leconfield for a curry, fell over a sheep in Leek on the way back to camp at Bulford...all in one night!!!! Oh and got a bj from Gypsy fortune teller with one leg and a sequined eye patch.
Sadly, so far, this is the most believable version of a nights events.
 
#14
I once had to walk 8 miles for a fitness test, it turns out they put transport on for you at the back of the squad. I took that instead and looked smug at my fellow friends as i sat and read porn that i had used to make the cft weight in my army ruck sack thingy.
 
#15
Yeah, I walked....



Once.

Fucking beat that!
 
#16
I was thinking about this today as I drove past a Warehouse where we had an Opening-party, which went on til about 0500hrs.

The place was 13k s away from my home, and I was, to put it mildly, fuckin minging after some 10hrs drinking.

I did nt pull that night (wonder why?), so it was a case of either sharing a hedge with fresh or white dog-shit, or tab home.

I chose to tab it. After breaking out of the warehouse (I was gonking on a Euro-pallett til 0500hrs), and having to climb the zig-zag metal gate, I went for it.

My first port-of-call on-route was a transport company which had a few old Artics outside on the yard. Like you do when totally comatosed, I decided that I d nick one and drive home in that. I managed to gain access into the cab but was unable to start it, so off I went again.

I think it was about the 3k mark where I decided to lay across the middle of the road and force vehicles to stop, which they did, only they didnt give me a lift, to my amazement they gave me nothing other than abuse.

By now it was getting light, and tbh my head was clearing somewhat, so I imagined I was on a CFT, got my head down and started to walk in a sort of straight line.

After many unsuccessful attempts at thumbing-it, I got home at 1000hrs, which I was actually quite proud of given the circumstances.

However, I had over-looked one thing, I never go out on the lag with my keys, so the next part of the task was to gain access to my flat on the first-floor, which I accomplished by scaling the Trelace, which was covered in thorny roses, to the Balcony, and utilising a Barb-b-que Fish-slice, I managed to prise the double-doors open to the flat, and was in.

It was at that moment that I discovered that I had forgotten something important, I should have been at work at 0700hrs.

A quick phone-call to Doc Holiday, and that problem was also solved.

Anyone beat that?
Tart! That's nothing. I got pissed in the NAAFI at Akrotiri one night with a load of crabs and we all decided to go to a local restaurant just off the sovereign base area for a meal.

Me being young and more interested in the free wine than the grub went for a leak and then decided to get some fresh air. I woke up at 5am walking along the road on my own. I probably had walked around the fucking Island 6 times during the night.

Anyway, I banged on some blokes door and he gave me a lift back to the perimeter where a snowdrop chucked me in the back seat of the motor of the first lot of greek cypriots who were turning up for work that morning.

And I was at work at 8am.
 
#18
Champions league final last year i awoke at Gatwick airport. On the floor outside the easyjet desk where i had apparently spent the night by an air hostess checking my pulse. lol

Me and my mate who's a Bowman tech went out on the lash for the footy and from what we could piece together, we met a group of Spaniards who were going back that night. One of which's old man owned a bar in Barcelona. As you do in a minging state you get the fantastical idea of I'm going to Barcelona so this geezer can buy me a beer.

So we all traveled to my house, 9 of us (lost my mate at this point) and miraculously didnt wake the old dear haha. This part i have no recollection, somehow got to Gatwick, and i woke up with a rucksak full of beer and boxer's, 86Euros, a tooth brush, passport, phone charger, socket adapter (which was actually for the US) and a one way ticket to Barcelona with a big red printed 'REFUNDED AND DECLINED' stamp across it haha

from what the check in staff had said they allowed me to purchase a ticket, however security didnt let me through for being to pissed. stamped my ticket, and i qued up to get a new one where i was declined and just sat down and fell asleep. Under the circumstances of the football that night they just left me too it as i wasnt abusive... fair play i suppose!

A few things i got from that experience: 1, I'm a very effeciant drunk 2, I can travel great distances and not actually remember it 3, idea driven when pissed and 4,when your pal askes you what airport your at, dont say Heathrow for a laugh, and then get distracted and forget to tell him it was whind up.
 
#20
Yeah, I walked....



Once.

Fucking beat that!
Bet you'd win hands down at a seated scateboard comp though ;)



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