The Longest Stumble

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Nugger, Apr 11, 2012.

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  1. I was thinking about this today as I drove past a Warehouse where we had an Opening-party, which went on til about 0500hrs.

    The place was 13k s away from my home, and I was, to put it mildly, fuckin minging after some 10hrs drinking.

    I did nt pull that night (wonder why?), so it was a case of either sharing a hedge with fresh or white dog-shit, or tab home.

    I chose to tab it. After breaking out of the warehouse (I was gonking on a Euro-pallett til 0500hrs), and having to climb the zig-zag metal gate, I went for it.

    My first port-of-call on-route was a transport company which had a few old Artics outside on the yard. Like you do when totally comatosed, I decided that I d nick one and drive home in that. I managed to gain access into the cab but was unable to start it, so off I went again.

    I think it was about the 3k mark where I decided to lay across the middle of the road and force vehicles to stop, which they did, only they didnt give me a lift, to my amazement they gave me nothing other than abuse.

    By now it was getting light, and tbh my head was clearing somewhat, so I imagined I was on a CFT, got my head down and started to walk in a sort of straight line.

    After many unsuccessful attempts at thumbing-it, I got home at 1000hrs, which I was actually quite proud of given the circumstances.

    However, I had over-looked one thing, I never go out on the lag with my keys, so the next part of the task was to gain access to my flat on the first-floor, which I accomplished by scaling the Trelace, which was covered in thorny roses, to the Balcony, and utilising a Barb-b-que Fish-slice, I managed to prise the double-doors open to the flat, and was in.

    It was at that moment that I discovered that I had forgotten something important, I should have been at work at 0700hrs.

    A quick phone-call to Doc Holiday, and that problem was also solved.

    Anyone beat that?
  2. Want a P45?
  3. Fuck no. That is so awesome, its awesome awesome, awesome. It brims over with awesomeness, and I look forward to the film coming out it the not too distant future. Well done young sir, I salutes you. Why should Britain tremble.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Is a nugger like a throbber?
  5. I walked the 15 miles home from work once. Just because I could. Took me 3 and a half hours and I was totally sober.

    Never again.

    Sent from my HTC Vision using Tapatalk 2
  6. Cor! I ve only been on here a week and I ve already got a mate!

    You are funny Dude, you rock!
  7. Dude? Are you an American person,Texan perhaps?

    One sitting in a bar in Cavite City, a mate of mine asked a big Texan , one of a number of Yanks that were queuing up to buy us drinks, why so many Texans had brown eyes. Do you perchance have brown eyes?
  8. Are you a septic or just 14 years old?
  9. Pinnnnnged
  10. I got leathered in Beverly with a lad from the Sigs. Somewhere around 2330hrs we came to the conclusion that Harrogate is a good night out and off we went.

    We started walking, and walking, and walking. At some point in the night someone stopped and gave us a lift to York, which we weren't too far from at the time. 7 miles rings a bell.

    We dossed on the station platform at York for an hour or so, then carried on our walk to Harrogate. We made it into Harrogate at around midday. It took nearly 10 hours of solid walking.

    We had fuck all money but managed to chat some young bints up from the AFC. I got the bird to buy us drinks all night, and square a B&B away for us. I nailed the bird whilst Danny slept on the floor.

    In the morning the landlady was furious when she found that there were more than 2 of us in the room and tried to get us to pay extra so we bugged out and legged it. The poor girl then did the decent thing and bought us both a rail ticket back to Beverly. I've no idea who she was, or what her name was. She was a very good fuck, and generous to boot. If you're on here, thanks.

    I've no idea how far we walked exactly, but it must have been close to 50 miles?
  11. Not in possession of "balcony skills" eh? even after a night on the lash?!
    Somebody will be along shortly to call you a "Hat shitcunt" and Alec Lomas already has his sights on using your bollocks as tinder to start a fire.
  12. Well that's nowt. I got leathered in Chicksands, tabbed to Leconfield for a curry, fell over a sheep in Leek on the way back to camp at Bulford...all in one night!!!! Oh and got a bj from Gypsy fortune teller with one leg and a sequined eye patch.
  13. Sadly, so far, this is the most believable version of a nights events.
    • Like Like x 3
  14. I once had to walk 8 miles for a fitness test, it turns out they put transport on for you at the back of the squad. I took that instead and looked smug at my fellow friends as i sat and read porn that i had used to make the cft weight in my army ruck sack thingy.
    • Like Like x 8
  15. Yeah, I walked....


    Fucking beat that!
    • Like Like x 8