The Laws of Marriage

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by low_roller, Dec 3, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. The unwritten ones you dont find out about until she's got you:

    Starters for 10

    It is better to receive than give (especially orally)
    What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine
    If I cook he washes up and if he cooks he washes up
    Male strippers are a bit of fun, female strippers are dirty tramps you cant go within a mile of.
     
  2. Don't forget the most important rule:

    As the male of the pair you will always be wrong .... especially if you're right!!!! :D
     
  3. Oh and not forgetting

    Women flirt harmlessly, Men wear their dicks on their heads
     
  4. Snakes with tits all of 'em....

    When I'm tired it's because I am lazy, when she's tired it's because of all of the work she's done.
     
  5. As a female I am never wrong.

    If I am wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something a man either did or said.

    If I am wrong, the man must apologise immediately for causing my misunderstanding.

    I may change my mind at any time.

    A man will never change his mind without the consent of me.

    As a female I have every right to be angry and upset at any time. But the male must remain calm at all times, unless I want him to be angry or upset.

    I will never, under any circumstances let the male know whether or not I want him to be angry or upset.

    The male is expected to mind read at all times.

    Easy isn't it! :D :D
     
  6. But god forbid him if he tries to read my mind
     
  7. the most misleading phrase ever uttered is "do what you want then".
    the answer to the question "where do you see us in five years?" should apparently never start with the words "well, I dont know about you, but..."
     
  8. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Try these rules
     

    Attached Files:

  9. Anything a woman does wrong is inadmissable in an argument after five minutes.

    Anything a man has does wrong in his entire life is perfectly acceptable to be brought up in argument.
     
  10. Joking aside, do you really want to hand over half your pension?

    Why bother getting married - just find a woman you don't like and buy her a house.
     
  11. The phrase "You decide Honey" actually means what ever you decide will be wrong and your in a world of S**t
     
  12. The worst thing you can do in marriage is get everything right first time all the time.

    By doing so you take away her reasons to gripe, thereby providing her with a grievance that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
     
  13. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Bugger! Try again
     

    Attached Files:

  14. And "Are you watching this?" means "Give me the remote, there's a soap on.
     
  15. Never and I must stress this NEVER stab your wife in the back of her hand with a fork when she goes to nick chips off your plate!!!!!