The Laws of Marriage

#1
The unwritten ones you dont find out about until she's got you:

Starters for 10

It is better to receive than give (especially orally)
What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine
If I cook he washes up and if he cooks he washes up
Male strippers are a bit of fun, female strippers are dirty tramps you cant go within a mile of.
 
#2
Don't forget the most important rule:

As the male of the pair you will always be wrong .... especially if you're right!!!! :D
 
#3
Oh and not forgetting

Women flirt harmlessly, Men wear their dicks on their heads
 
#4
Snakes with tits all of 'em....

When I'm tired it's because I am lazy, when she's tired it's because of all of the work she's done.
 
#5
As a female I am never wrong.

If I am wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something a man either did or said.

If I am wrong, the man must apologise immediately for causing my misunderstanding.

I may change my mind at any time.

A man will never change his mind without the consent of me.

As a female I have every right to be angry and upset at any time. But the male must remain calm at all times, unless I want him to be angry or upset.

I will never, under any circumstances let the male know whether or not I want him to be angry or upset.

The male is expected to mind read at all times.

Easy isn't it! :D :D
 
#6
Wishful_Thinking said:
As a female I am never wrong.

If I am wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something a man either did or said.

If I am wrong, the man must apologise immediately for causing my misunderstanding.

I may change my mind at any time.

A man will never change his mind without the consent of me.

As a female I have every right to be angry and upset at any time. But the male must remain calm at all times, unless I want him to be angry or upset.

I will never, under any circumstances let the male know whether or not I want him to be angry or upset.

The male is expected to mind read at all times.

Easy isn't it! :D :D
But god forbid him if he tries to read my mind
 
#7
the most misleading phrase ever uttered is "do what you want then".
the answer to the question "where do you see us in five years?" should apparently never start with the words "well, I dont know about you, but..."
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#8
Try these rules
 

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#9
Anything a woman does wrong is inadmissable in an argument after five minutes.

Anything a man has does wrong in his entire life is perfectly acceptable to be brought up in argument.
 
#10
Joking aside, do you really want to hand over half your pension?

Why bother getting married - just find a woman you don't like and buy her a house.
 
#11
The phrase "You decide Honey" actually means what ever you decide will be wrong and your in a world of S**t
 
#12
The worst thing you can do in marriage is get everything right first time all the time.

By doing so you take away her reasons to gripe, thereby providing her with a grievance that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#13
Bugger! Try again
 

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#14
MSI64 said:
The phrase "You decide Honey" actually means what ever you decide will be wrong and your in a world of S**t
And "Are you watching this?" means "Give me the remote, there's a soap on.
 
#15
Never and I must stress this NEVER stab your wife in the back of her hand with a fork when she goes to nick chips off your plate!!!!!
 
#16
`What`s the matter, love?`

`Nothing!`

You just know there`s a fukcing LOT the matter.
 
#17
MSI64 said:
Never and I must stress this NEVER stab your wife in the back of her hand with a fork when she goes to nick chips off your plate!!!!!
thats true, also its not funny to stir your tea and then burn her hand with the hot spoon, even though its an age old joke and she should really watch out for it.
 
#18
arby said:
MSI64 said:
Never and I must stress this NEVER stab your wife in the back of her hand with a fork when she goes to nick chips off your plate!!!!!
thats true, also its not funny to stir your tea and then burn her hand with the hot spoon, even though its an age old joke and she should really watch out for it.
It's only funny to waft the quilt and say "smell that" if your on your own
 
#19
arby said:
MSI64 said:
Never and I must stress this NEVER stab your wife in the back of her hand with a fork when she goes to nick chips off your plate!!!!!
thats true, also its not funny to stir your tea and then burn her hand with the hot spoon, even though its an age old joke and she should really watch out for it.

"Honey Have you met Bernie Spoon?" Giggle giggle

"Who?" ARRRGH you F**king childish B*****d

Oh yes not a good move
 
#20
turms-r-us said:
arby said:
MSI64 said:
Never and I must stress this NEVER stab your wife in the back of her hand with a fork when she goes to nick chips off your plate!!!!!
thats true, also its not funny to stir your tea and then burn her hand with the hot spoon, even though its an age old joke and she should really watch out for it.
It's only funny to waft the quilt and say "smell that" if your on your own
Ahh the old Dutch oven routine....



Mmmm wonder what recipes that has?

:twisted:
 

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