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The Joys of Speaking a Foreign language

There are many in this hallowed place who are well versed nay fluent in a foreign language be it Russian, French, German, rare bavarian swiss German dialects, scottish (sorry couldnt resist) Spanish etc I am not one and consequently my attempts to partake in conversations in anothers native tongue result in confusion and or mirth when i mangle pronunciation or missunderstand colloquilaisms.
Just occasionally though my attempts to speak Frogenise result in Social hand grenades and it seems Christmas (possibly aided by fatigue, alcohol and the emperor himself) provideth the most fertile of grounds.

These range from the simply embarrasing - such as last nights anouncing i had someone* in my throat to the amusement of many ( and its going to be a while before I live that one down) and a glare from the MIL to the absolute table stopping announcement during x mas dinner to the effect that id had a really good time shagging my (11 yr old) niece. The situation was pretty much salvaged by the SiL (her mother) re running the conversation and pointig out that there are 2 similar verbs (which sound Identical to me) but have VERY different meaning. Again though a glare from MIL who doesnt consider the dinner table the corrcect forum to explain the differrence between - to play - to have great fun and in context a really good shag).


Surely i cant be alone in my tone deaf word mangling inability to master a foreign tongue - there must be others out there.




*I shall be writing a book quelque chose (something) quelqu'un (someone) and why it matters
 
The language is Scots.

 
As a linguist I felt it was my duty to help the British soldier speak German. I've probably told this before.

It was widely known that I'd conned been lucky enough to spend fourteen weeks across 1980 at Mühlheim AD Ruhr, and it was quite normal to be approached and asked stuff like, "How do I ask that girl over there if I can buy her a drink" or absolutely anything.

I worked very hard teaching them all the same line.

Ich möchte Ihre Tochter bitte in die Scheune mitnehmen.
 
As a linguist I felt it was my duty to help the British soldier speak German. I've probably told this before.

It was widely known that I'd conned been lucky enough to spend fourteen weeks across 1980 at Mühlheim AD Ruhr, and it was quite normal to be approached and asked stuff like, "How do I ask that girl over there if I can buy her a drink" or absolutely anything.

I worked very hard teaching them all the same line.

Ich möchte Ihre Tochter bitte in die Scheune mitnehmen.
I dont know exactly what that means

I do know its going to result in a slapped face

Mind you when i was at airbus** we brits worked for Airbus Germany in toulouse ( leave it alone dont pull that thread)
We had a new intake and they need tooling and obviously as an old had i was asked what the tool was called in German masser bursten holun fillun or something like that (basically whatever german is for the attachment to the machine for to clean the surface of holes)
3 time he asked - 3 times i answered - he then dissapeared and returned with said tool.

He later admitted he asked someone else because he was convinced i was being a dick and getting him to say something inappropriate - It just sounded made up or az bullshit phrase.




**otherwise known as an uncle albert moment
 
There are many in this hallowed place who are well versed nay fluent in a foreign language be it Russian, French, German, rare bavarian swiss German dialects, scottish (sorry couldnt resist) Spanish etc I am not one and consequently my attempts to partake in conversations in anothers native tongue result in confusion and or mirth when i mangle pronunciation or missunderstand colloquilaisms.
Just occasionally though my attempts to speak Frogenise result in Social hand grenades and it seems Christmas (possibly aided by fatigue, alcohol and the emperor himself) provideth the most fertile of grounds.

These range from the simply embarrasing - such as last nights anouncing i had someone* in my throat to the amusement of many ( and its going to be a while before I live that one down) and a glare from the MIL to the absolute table stopping announcement during x mas dinner to the effect that id had a really good time shagging my (11 yr old) niece. The situation was pretty much salvaged by the SiL (her mother) re running the conversation and pointig out that there are 2 similar verbs (which sound Identical to me) but have VERY different meaning. Again though a glare from MIL who doesnt consider the dinner table the corrcect forum to explain the differrence between - to play - to have great fun and in context a really good shag).


Surely i cant be alone in my tone deaf word mangling inability to master a foreign tongue - there must be others out there.




*I shall be writing a book quelque chose (something) quelqu'un (someone) and why it matters
You don't need a foreign language: romp
 
There are many in this hallowed place who are well versed nay fluent in a foreign language be it Russian, French, German, rare bavarian swiss German dialects, scottish (sorry couldnt resist) Spanish etc I am not one and consequently my attempts to partake in conversations in anothers native tongue result in confusion and or mirth when i mangle pronunciation or missunderstand colloquilaisms.
Just occasionally though my attempts to speak Frogenise result in Social hand grenades and it seems Christmas (possibly aided by fatigue, alcohol and the emperor himself) provideth the most fertile of grounds.

These range from the simply embarrasing - such as last nights anouncing i had someone* in my throat to the amusement of many ( and its going to be a while before I live that one down) and a glare from the MIL to the absolute table stopping announcement during x mas dinner to the effect that id had a really good time shagging my (11 yr old) niece. The situation was pretty much salvaged by the SiL (her mother) re running the conversation and pointig out that there are 2 similar verbs (which sound Identical to me) but have VERY different meaning. Again though a glare from MIL who doesnt consider the dinner table the corrcect forum to explain the differrence between - to play - to have great fun and in context a really good shag).


Surely i cant be alone in my tone deaf word mangling inability to master a foreign tongue - there must be others out there.




*I shall be writing a book quelque chose (something) quelqu'un (someone) and why it matters
I once spoke passable German, although it is a bit rusty now, and my idioms are 25 years out of date. I can even understand Swiss German. However, despite working for a French company for the last 15 years and spending a week a month in France for the last 5 years (obvs not 2020), I remain utterly tone-deaf to the nuances in French pronunciation. I have attended classes, had one-to-one tuition, but it all remains just noise to me.
My experience with German leads me to believe that I am capable of learning another language, so I conclude that the problem is with the French language and not with me.
 
I think my German teacher was bent as ****, after sitting in his lessons for 2 years reading German from a piece of paper whilst he was nowhere to be seen he gave me a GCSE ‘B’ in German, the school had quite a good record for language.

No German has ever understood me speaking in their dialect.
 
As a linguist I felt it was my duty to help the British soldier speak German. I've probably told this before.

It was widely known that I'd conned been lucky enough to spend fourteen weeks across 1980 at Mühlheim AD Ruhr, and it was quite normal to be approached and asked stuff like, "How do I ask that girl over there if I can buy her a drink" or absolutely anything.

I worked very hard teaching them all the same line.

Ich möchte Ihre Tochter bitte in die Scheune mitnehmen.

"Wir haben in fünfundvierzig aufgehört, so etwas zu tun"
 
I’ve probably told this before but when I bought my bike from UK to Croatia I found myself in a very puzzling altercation at the Slovenian/Croatian border.

When I got back to our apartment in Zagreb I told the lovely Sonja (who I have mentioned in posts passim) about this.

As she had originally been my Croatian teacher she asked me to repeat word for word what I had said.

Apparently due to my messing up the pronunciation of the word ‘Carina’* I had - in perfect Serbian no less (and in the midst of the war) - called the customs bloke a massive cock. Much to the amusement of the police on duty.

She told me never to speak Croatian in public again... :)


* I was reminded that ‘C’ in the Yugo languages was pronounced ‘Ts’. Thus ‘customs’ is ‘Tsarina’.

‘Karina’ apparently means ‘the biggest possible penis’ in Serbian.

What a silly bunt...
 
I have a Portuguese gf and, despite having listened to her speaking with her family for nearly 2 years, I can't understand a bloody word. Sounds like a bunch of drunk Russians shouting at each other.
 
We watch Spiral. It is French with subtitles. I have le schoolboy French but honestly there is about one word in 100 that I catch when they rattle it off in what seems normal speech. I might give Spanish a go though. Trying to work out where is best to learn it.

But, I do remember chatting to a Swedish girl in a bar in Mainz and asking in English what she was doing in Germany, and she really did say "I am working my passage around Europe". Honest!
 
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