Last night I had far too much to drink and dinner consisted of peanuts and a Burger King on the train home at approximately 2300, I may also have eaten something with onions judging by the taste left in my mouth this morning. They must have all fermented and reacted in my gut because I just canât stop farting this morning, and each one is a spicy/sweet gem. The best bit is theyâre stealth farts so Iâve been able to release them without immediately being identified as Mr fragrance. Thanks to my amazingly pongy anus Iâve enjoyed my commute into work for the first time ever. I catch the tube in every morning, itâs only 4 stops but I feking hate it. Itâs like being packed into a sardine can with barely enough room to move, yet when the tube is full people still try and force their way on, even to the point of having the doors shutting on them and I always end up with 4 or 5 people squashed up against me breathing down my neck. It was the same story this morning. I got on the tube and could hardly move, I was squashed in that tight. Thatâs when my guts started to rumble, I tried my best to hold it in and managed to last 1 stop. A few people got off the train, enough for me not to have anyone pressed up against me but still crowded enough to annoy me. As the doors shut my guts dropped. It was a long, slow, silent fart. I almost thought Iâd followed through. The reaction from the crowed was brilliant. People started looking around to see what had died. A few Frenchmen pulled their t-shirts over their nose in a poor attempt to filter the smell. The best bit was that the crowed managed to workout where the smell was coming from and started moving as far from me as they possibly could. My anus had virtually cleared the carriage with everyone forcing themselves up against the wall and for the first time in ages I had plenty of breathing space on the tube.