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The Joint Mess

#1
Just been looking at another thread about Mr Vice. I've been given the honour(!) of being Mr Vice at a dinner at an RAF seniors mess.

Being an Army chap I'm looking for some ideas to take the p*** outta the RAF during the mixed event. In a subtle kinda way.

Can anyone help?
 
#3
Jubbly said:
Just been looking at another thread about Mr Vice. I've been given the honour(!) of being Mr Vice at a dinner at an RAF seniors mess.

Being an Army chap I'm looking for some ideas to take the p*** outta the RAF during the mixed event. In a subtle kinda way.

Can anyone help?
Mention PT.

The cnuts will cardiac arrest and die in their cheese and crackers.

Alternatively, give them an A2 and ask them to strip it. That will give you at least 27 days to lash it up at the bar.

Cnuts in civvies, all of them.
 
#7
Like the tash and the PT!

Need a grace that will annoy them. Got their version of the RSM attending so need to point out that they were indeed sporned from the Army!!
 
#8
Ensure you get the phrase "utterly, utterly useless" into your speach at some point. For some unknown reason, that seems to be getting them worked up at the moment.
 
#9
Jubbly said:
Like the tash and the PT!

Need a grace that will annoy them. Got their version of the RSM attending so need to point out that they were indeed sporned from the Army!!
Their RSM equivalent will be a RAF WO who needs an O2 cylinder just to get to his office.

His man management skills, coupled with his military skills will be non existant therefore making him a civilian, ergo civvies in uniform.

I love the RAF I do!
 
#10
Seems like we all love the RAF!! Pitty JPA hasn't paid most of them yet!!

Utterly usless might cost me a bottle of port (or Pims or whatever they drink) but would be well worth it.

Have to include a tally ho or chocks away somewhere in the grace though.
 
#11
Jubbly said:
Need a grace that will annoy them. Got their version of the RSM attending so need to point out that they were indeed sporned from the Army!!
The words of the Grace are usually sacresanct, so I wouldn't advise altering the scripted version. The pace of delivery, tone of your voice and accompanying movements can, however, be adapted to suit the moment.

You could, however, procure an extra set of place cards for passing forward to the SWO (for the obligatory port fines), this extra set having been altered to have the RFC or even RE cypher in place of the RAF one.
 
#12
putteesinmyhands said:
Jubbly said:
Need a grace that will annoy them. Got their version of the RSM attending so need to point out that they were indeed sporned from the Army!!
The words of the Grace are usually sacresanct, so I wouldn't advise altering the scripted version. The pace of delivery, tone of your voice and accompanying movements can, however, be adapted to suit the moment.

You could, however, procure an extra set of place cards for passing forward to the SWO (for the obligatory port fines), this extra set having been altered to have the RFC or even RE cypher in place of the RAF one.
The SWO wouldn't have a clue about place cards as Happy Eaters aren't too forcible on that type of etiquette.
 
#13
It seems to me that preparation here is everything. A couple of Biggles and Lord Flasheart jokes laced with a bit of pre 1900 history should do the trick then.

Will gladdly take more advise but it looks like I got big moustaches to prepare and some A2's to bid for so that a competitive spirit will crystalize.
 
#14
You could make a comment regarding the Spams being the butt of jokes about their late entry into wars. Then unleash the fact that the RAF didn't join WW1 until April 1918 - 5 months AFTER the Yanks!
 
#15
The RAF weren't formed until April 1st 1918-the biggest April Fools joke ever.

Oh and remind them why they are called crabs. I'm in a joint environment and it's the one guranteed way of upsetting them.

That and ask them why they insist on wearing tracksuits in the mess....
 
#17
I know at a certain unit, only 10% of their SNCO's & WO's went to their Battle of Britain night this year and they were acutually outnumbered by the Army....
 
#18
Geordie_Blerk said:
Most junior Sgt in the mess, not the service.
Bet you aren't. Will there be any of those Flt Sgts there? The ones they promote straight after their basic training at the age of about 18.

The little scrotes (budding rear crew) joined the groundschool element of my basic rotary training and usefully provided the lowest common denominator. However, they were Flt Sgts to the obvious fury of the Cpl and Sgt Army Pilots.
 
#19
They still got Flt Sgt's but they normally come with an issued LAC (LCpl) to push them round the station on their wheel chairs.

Think it was the Balloon Corps before the RAF. Originally from the Royal Engineers.

Battle of Britain seems more of an officer thing here.

I heard there are only a thousand pilots but over 50 000 in RAF. Can this be right?
 
#20
Victorian_Major said:
Geordie_Blerk said:
Most junior Sgt in the mess, not the service.
Bet you aren't. Will there be any of those Flt Sgts there? The ones they promote straight after their basic training at the age of about 18.

The little scrotes (budding rear crew) joined the groundschool element of my basic rotary training and usefully provided the lowest common denominator. However, they were Flt Sgts to the obvious fury of the Cpl and Sgt Army Pilots.
I've not been a Sgt for years but I do despise all things RAF and their blue serge wearing ways.

A Flt Sgt is equal to a lance jack in the army*

*Based on their knowledge of weapons, tactics and discipline.
 

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