The Jeremy Kyle Show.

#1
It's Friday,I've been to see my very ill uncle, (asbestosis) had something to eat (fresh fish n' chips) & now enjoying a grouse & ginger while surfing ARRSE & reading my book (Brotherhood of War book3 by WEB Griffin) with Daisy the Cat asleep on my lap.
In the background I have the TV on,not on a particular channel but on ITV2 & currently Kyle is on the TV.

Listning to the drivel & seeing the state of some of his guest's,one wonders how can we,as a once great nation,have sunk so low?

Does no one have any self respect anymore?
Fair play one lad on now want's to join the army but is on ridodlyn,but the majority,imho,need the kindest treatment we can give them.



A 9mil behind the ear!

So.esteemed Arrse'rs,Which ARRSE member would replace Kyle & your remedy for todays 'yoof'?...
 
#2
I just found your thread, Spike, when I got in just now, after taking the dog out.

I haven't seen Jeremy Kyle for years. But, if I rightly recall, although his programme is about chav lifestyles and values, he is far from their crusader. It always struck me that he told it to the scrotes "how it is", in the same way you or I might. I watched the last couple of minutes of today's programme, after seeing your thread. From what I saw, he doesn't seem to indulge them, but attempts to point them in a more useful direction.

As to Kyle's replacement, this'll do me:

sandmanfez said:
blue-sophist said:
Not the worst thing that will ever happen to me, I suspect.
Lets hope not.
Do you own or have access to a mangle or woodchipper?
 
#3
bovvy said:
I just found your thread, Spike, when I got in just now, after taking the dog out.

I haven't seen Jeremy Kyle for years. But, if I rightly recall, although his programme is about chav lifestyles and values, he is far from their crusader. It always struck me that he told it to the scrotes "how it is", in the same way you or I might. I watched the last couple of minutes of today's programme, after seeing your thread. From what I saw, he doesn't seem to indulge them, but attempts to point them in a more useful direction.
Dont watch it myself & you're right,he gave the lad a 'pc' wake up call with Greg.
 
#4
spike7451 said:
bovvy said:
I just found your thread, Spike, when I got in just now, after taking the dog out.

I haven't seen Jeremy Kyle for years. But, if I rightly recall, although his programme is about chav lifestyles and values, he is far from their crusader. It always struck me that he told it to the scrotes "how it is", in the same way you or I might. I watched the last couple of minutes of today's programme, after seeing your thread. From what I saw, he doesn't seem to indulge them, but attempts to point them in a more useful direction.


Dont watch it myself & you're right,he gave the lad a 'pc' wake up call with Greg.
My bold.
Don't watch it, but Mars seems about right.
 
#5
I watch it occasionally for the same reasons I will read a "problem page" in a rag. It makes my life look "rock-star" in comparison. Sad? Hell yes, but hey-ho.
 
#6
Monty417 said:
spike7451 said:
bovvy said:
I just found your thread, Spike, when I got in just now, after taking the dog out.

I haven't seen Jeremy Kyle for years. But, if I rightly recall, although his programme is about chav lifestyles and values, he is far from their crusader. It always struck me that he told it to the scrotes "how it is", in the same way you or I might. I watched the last couple of minutes of today's programme, after seeing your thread. From what I saw, he doesn't seem to indulge them, but attempts to point them in a more useful direction.


Dont watch it myself & you're right,he gave the lad a 'pc' wake up call with Greg.
My bold.
Don't watch it, but Mars seems about right.

I seem to recall that he sits on a step and lectures miscreant of the day about "sorting his/her/their life out. In all the years he has been doing this, has noone got up and kicked him in the heid? And if so, where's the footage!
 
#8
As sad as this is...We are the 51st state and all that that entails! The sense of Britishness has disappeared from our culture, to be replaced by a poor pseudo American copy. The lowlifes who appear on those shows degrade all of us, because they have no pride, dignity or decency. They should do us all a favour and kill themselves post haste, so we are not subjected to their eyebleedingly depraved existences!!! :x :twisted:
 
#9
TalaveraTom said:
As sad as this is...We are the 51st state and all that that entails! The sense of Britishness has disappeared from our culture, to be replaced by a poor pseudo American copy. The lowlifes who appear on those shows degrade all of us, because they have no pride, dignity or decency. They should do us all a favour and kill themselves post haste, so we are not subjected to their eyebleedingly depraved existences!!! :x :twisted:
Somebody who worked for my dad as a labourer was asked to go on the show. It would have been one of those "The kids definitely not mine" episodes. Part of the show included a DNA test.

At first the labourer refused - he used not being able to get time off work as an excuse. Then he told if he took part, he could have £500, a night in a four star hotel, travel in a limousine, and an agency labourer to cover him for the day.

The bloke seriously considered the idea and was going to accept at the prospect of £500 for a days work.

It was at this point that my dad explained to him that the show would probably cost him significantly more than £500 in the longterm...
 
#10
amazing__lobster said:
TalaveraTom said:
As sad as this is...We are the 51st state and all that that entails! The sense of Britishness has disappeared from our culture, to be replaced by a poor pseudo American copy. The lowlifes who appear on those shows degrade all of us, because they have no pride, dignity or decency. They should do us all a favour and kill themselves post haste, so we are not subjected to their eyebleedingly depraved existences!!! :x :twisted:
Somebody who worked for my dad as a labourer was asked to go on the show.
How did they know to ask him i wonder?...Sounds more like this bod volunteered to go on, in the hope of getting wedge to match his averice! Your dad being a right thinking person, advised him of the pitfalls and saved him from the ignominy of his own stupidity. The reason we have these shameful programmes, is because some verminous people are prepared to wash their dirty linen in the public forum for 500 quid, and sell their souls for even less! Meanwhile the throbber Kyle is raking in the money at their expense, and encouraging others to do the same! No wonder many people feel the country has gone to the dogs...It has if this is the sort of citizenry we have to tolerate!!!!
 
#12
TalaveraTom said:
As sad as this is...We are the 51st state and all that that entails! The sense of Britishness has disappeared from our culture, to be replaced by a poor pseudo American copy. The lowlifes who appear on those shows degrade all of us, because they have no pride, dignity or decency. They should do us all a favour and kill themselves post haste, so we are not subjected to their eyebleedingly depraved existences!!! :x :twisted:
how right you are, only hope they take Kyle with them when they do. Their children should be sterilised now to stop them breeding.
 
#16
JONCAL said:
Doof said:
Kyle is a cnut and is a total sh*t stiring TW*T
Agreed :x
ANYONE associated with this kind of programme is a CNUT, and deserves nothing more than contempt for degrading the nations intelligence :twisted:
 
#17
I have just seen this show on utube.
Please O Lord let this be a work of fiction
 
#18
jemadarjo said:
I have just seen this show on utube.
Please O Lord let this be a work of fiction
It's not. But that doesn't mean that it can't be fun.

Until a few years ago there was a similar show hosted by a fat lass called Vanessa Feltz. Her best ever episode involved a distraught gal whose husband had left her for another woman - or so she thought.

When the other 'woman' appeared on the show, 'she' was in fact the ropeyest tranny you ever did see. Hairy legs, knobbly knees, balding and three day's growth - all squeezed into a little black dress with no room for the beer belly. Oh the horror, as the gal realised that her husband had left her for another man. How Vanessa 'sympathised'.

Turned out it was a complete load of bolleaux - rather like the contents of the little black dress. The whole story had been invented by three students who shared a house. The little black dress had, in fact, been borrowed by the 'tranny' from his girlfriend.

It was all too tempting for Vanessa and she had the threesome on her show without checking the story properly. She was promptly sacked and was last seen on TV hosting a documentary about anal bleaching on ITV9.

I reckon the combined imagination of Arrse could come up with something even jucier that we could use to entrap Jeremy. My pitch would be as follows:-

Married bloke is sh@gging some female acquaintance who, unknown to the bloke, was once a man.

The tranny keeps her meat and two veg preserved in a jar of formaldehyde and, unknown to the bloke who is sh@gging her, wants to be a man again and is saving up for reconstructive surgery. She's willing to produce the severed dangly bits live on air - for the right money.

The bloke's an ex-squaddie. Unbeknown to the tranny, he contracted camelpox in Iraq or Northern Ireland. Hint that it's a STD and that he got it molesting camels.

The bloke only started playing away from home 'cos his wife's having an affair with a hideously disabled Lib Dem councillor elect who likes hanging around school playgrounds.

Cast of characters:-

Tranny : MDN if he's out of jail.
Poxy squaddie : Take your pick
Hideous Lib Dem : Whet
Scorned Wife : Angelina Jolie

Run with this, pad it out to me and let me have a revised draft by the time I get up at about 1500 tomorrow.
 
#19
TalaveraTom said:
As sad as this is...We are the 51st state and all that that entails! The sense of Australianness has disappeared from our culture, to be replaced by a poor pseudo American copy. The lowlifes who appear on those shows degrade all of us, because they have no pride, dignity or decency. They should do us all a favour and kill themselves post haste, so we are not subjected to their eyebleedingly depraved existences!!! :x :twisted:
Fixed that for you.
 
#20
My wife should go on JK, the title of the programme would be..

"Why I was a complete bitch, slept around and blamed it on my husband for earning a wage and keeping a roof over our family's head!"

Then the following week....

"Why I cut my wife's head off with a chainsaw that had run out of petrol!"

You get the gist!

BW
 

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