The Itchiest Itch

#1
I have just spend 15 minutes scratching my bleg, It started as a curious Itch then progressed to blissful scratching the descended into painful necessity and then finally into a frantic digging out of my gink, which now resembles a smashed up passion fruit. Following a liberal coating of doublebase anti ronson itch cream, it got me thinking, what’s the worst Itch you've had and where were you when you had it?
Mine?
I was on parade, and had an itchy foot, could I fuck scratch the bastard, ended up kicking myself in the foot to scratch it.
 
#3
I once had the most unbareable itch in the crimper area and no amount of rubbing of the tea towel holder would cure it, at the point where it was starting to impinge upon my mental health I decided that there was nothing else for it, time to have a probe with the digits that god provided.

Much to my suprise I found a 2" piece of vegetable stalk, possibly from brocolly, that was bleached white by stomach acid yet perfectly intact.
 
#5
I used to get "itchy sock" when I kicked my boots off at night - leg hair compressed into sock wool finally springing back where it should be after 8 hours. On several occasions I drew blood and scratched the fuckers balder than a toddlers fanny.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#6
I once had the most unbareable itch in the crimper area and no amount of rubbing of the tea towel holder would cure it, at the point where it was starting to impinge upon my mental health I decided that there was nothing else for it, time to have a probe with the digits that god provided.

Much to my suprise I found a 2" piece of vegetable stalk, possibly from brocolly, that was bleached white by stomach acid yet perfectly intact.
That's fucking class that is. :)
 
#7
First time I had hemer heem, heama, oh bollocks, piles. Itched like a bastard and then some.
 
#8
When I got out to Afghanistan in 2008 I went for a run one summer afternoon. By the time I had finished I'd done a couple of miles and was sweating my fucking tits off. Stood outside my accomodation cooling down (with a tab on the go), I was engulfed in a wee 'dust-devil' type thing - almost instantly I felt as though I was being bitten by ants, all over my body, so I had a good scratch and then went in for a shower. I came out still itching (all over), but thought sod it, I'll go to work.

By the time I'd walked 5 minutes to the office, the itching was back - in force. I was struggling not to flay the fucking skin off my back & chest. The end result was, I had to stand in a cold shower for literally fifty minutes (no shit!) in order to let my skin calm down.

Fuck knows what it was, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
 
#9
Crabs are a bastard, and when I was a sprog I once had that really itchy arse thing that kids get (not, not the sort you get from a priest or 'special' uncle) which I think is caused by thread-worm. II would have happily have doused my arse in petrol and set fire to it just to get rid off the itch.

BTW, a quick Google shows that itchy arse in medical terms is Pruritus ani. Everyday's a school day!
 
#10
The worst itch I had was after a school visit to a diatomite mine in Kenya. We all piled into this fine white dust which consists of ancient microscopic silica algae. It got everywhere, itching everywhere, but the arse was worst.

Diatomite
 
#11
My ankles are like steak and ale pies for mozzies. Bastards gnaw on them and drive me crazy with the itching. I scratch my ankles and feet until they bleed in summer.
 
L

lumpy2

Guest
#12
Scabies is the itchiest thingI've ever had. And no, I didn't get it from sleeping with tramps. Almost certainly caught it when in hospital - according to my doctor certain years are "scabies years".

Bloody torture, my legs and torso covered in bruises where I'd tried to scratch through my clothing.
 
#15
Sounds like you lot are on crystal meth...

I had a very disreputable mate at University who pulled (god knows how) one of the incredibly up herself princesses on his course. Not only did he get well & truly up herself he gave her scabies. Which was nice.
 
#16
Had a full cast on my right leg for 6 weeks after getting smashed up by a Mini Metro as a yoof. Itched like a bastard after a fortnight. Lost a knitting needle/backscratcher/flower cane down the cast as I remember.
 
#17
I once ate three prickly pear fruits straight off the cactus. Two were cleaned properly. The result was a mouthfull of microsopic hairs that irritated the shit out of me for almost a week. Absofuckenlutely nothing could shift the buggers.
 
#18
During fitting the fibreglass and makrolon armour to our vehicles prior to Op Motorman we were itching like it was an olympic sport It was made all the worse by us having to sleep in our nylon gonk bags.
 
#19
I once had the most unbareable itch in the crimper area and no amount of rubbing of the tea towel holder would cure it, at the point where it was starting to impinge upon my mental health I decided that there was nothing else for it, time to have a probe with the digits that god provided.

Much to my suprise I found a 2" piece of vegetable stalk, possibly from brocolly, that was bleached white by stomach acid yet perfectly intact.
Did you eat it again?
 
#20
Walk across my lawn of a summer evening and get bitten to buggery by wee somethings,itch like feck and leave little red marks all around the ankles - nasty
Better yet is the sap from fig trees,that's proper bad stuff.
 

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