The IBA Christmas Pantomime. Give it some for the children

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by IBA Pantomime, Sep 22, 2012.

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  1. HELLO my dear darlings and welcome to the launch of the International Bodyguards Association (IBA) Christmas Fantastaglorious Christmas Spectacular Pantomime In Aid Of Small Brown Children.

    This year we shall be doing MARY POPPINS, THE BILBO BAGGINS ANAL SEX YEARS. Or maybe Jack and the Beanstalk. We have not decided. But we shall let you know. Our Costume Director, Snail The Wonder Snail wants to do "My dead ginger dog and the fucking tragedy that is my dismal life as a cripple on drugs" but some of the producers feel it may not pan out with the half price schools matinee.

    So, we are looking for talent. We are looking for stars. We are looking at YOUUUUU.

    Ideas. Now.
     
  2. The Linky is here: Welcome to Facebook

    Don't be shy!
     
  3. How soon you forget you naughty man! You're not getting an upgrade!!!

    I do believe you had me shoed in as the back end of a cow. Can I make some suggestions for the script?

    He's behind you!!! You'd better fucking believe it bitch!

    He's behind you!! This aint your lucky day!
     
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  4. No fucking deadbeats this year. I have had it with fucking deadbeats last year. Bunch of useless deadbeat cunts. Get a fucking job and amount to something in life. Wankers. Hanging around the stage door with your "Oooh, I have a treatment for a wizards and Elves script"? Fuck the fuck off you horrible Goth cunt.

    We are currently auditioning 6' blonde birds who's husbands are neglecting them. RA types bringing big lumps back to the UK from Afghan (please include airport code and ETA on your resume) and pony's. If no pony's, ginger dogs will do.
     
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  5. I'd like to volunteer to audition 6' blonde birds* for cows front ends stunt doubles stand ins alternative aktoooors don't you know

    I get first refusal and the back end of the cow has final say. None of your five fingered freaks from outside of Larkhill here!
     
  6. Surely you mean ponies ? Got any parts for spelling Nazis?
     
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  7. I'm 6ft and could be blonde! Gizz a job
     
  8. Sorry big burd....just had to alter your CV.XXXX
     
  9. And there I was thinking that the IBA are better known for dry-bumming leprechauns, not hobbits.
     
  10. Close but no cigar, seb
     
  11. Christmas is cancelled this year, can't affford it after the feckin' lympics
     
  12. Oh yes we can.
     
  13. Expected in the audience;

    Mr and Mrs Zup, and their equally Germanic son, Hans. Also

    Mr and Mrs Th'area and their daughter Clare Th'area.
     
  14. Mr and Mrs Icklestocking and their Russian cousin Serge.
     
  15. From Mexico, Mr & Mrs Horse-Opensleigh, & their son, Juan
     
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