The hazards of masturbation

It’s a lot more common than you’d think. I have a few paramedic mates who have stories about being called out to ‘death by wanking’.

We Shall Remember Them


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It’s a lot more common than you’d think. I have a few paramedic mates who have stories about being called out to ‘death by wanking’.

Often recorded as a simple cardiac arrest, or if a post-mortem is carried out, a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage.

I was once right at the end of night duty when the sun was already coming up. It had quietened down, I was bored and had gone slightly off my patch onto the adjoining division. It was a very well to do area consisting of large detached houses next to an exclusive golf club.

It was deadly quiet and unusually there was an ambulance parked up outside a house. Even though I was off my ground, I stopped to see if any assistance was needed. It turned out to be a sudden death. I thought that I'd hang around 'til a local unit took over. I went into an annexe flat in the grounds where I was told that two domestic staff lived; a Portuguese maid and her husband, who was the gardener.

The deceased was in the living room slumped on a sofa, surrounded by a selection of jazz mags. His wife had come down during the night to find her husband in that position. I think that she had probably tidied him up a bit before calling 999. His trousers were just about on and zippered up, but it seemed quite clear what had happened.

He'd nipped downstairs for a quick jodrell while his wife slept and had obviously gone about it with the kind of enthusiasm that had brought about his demise.

It wasn't too long before the local unit turned up and I was quite happy to let them write it up. If there was any Coroner's inquest, I didn't want to be the one trying to keep a straight face while giving evidence.
 

Yokel

LE
I once knew a family that had two boys, Joey was about 7 and his brother Kevin was about 14. On a family trip to the zoo they saw one of the monkeys or chimps wanking itself off. Little Joeys points and shouts out, "Kevin does that!"
Classic.

Great story Kev.

I'm sure that is of great comfort to the family, who have a 'legit' cause of death to pass on, as opposed to 'rubbed himself out'.
However, when amyl, satsumas and suspenders are involved...

Conservative Party leaders also feel the loss when another one of their backbenchers is found like that.

I was once right at the end of night duty when the sun was already coming up. It had quietened down, I was bored and had gone slightly off my patch onto the adjoining division. It was a very well to do area consisting of large detached houses next to an exclusive golf club.

It was deadly quiet and unusually there was an ambulance parked up outside a house. Even though I was off my ground, I stopped to see if any assistance was needed. It turned out to be a sudden death. I thought that I'd hang around 'til a local unit took over. I went into an annexe flat in the grounds where I was told that two domestic staff lived; a Portuguese maid and her husband, who was the gardener.

The deceased was in the living room slumped on a sofa, surrounded by a selection of jazz mags. His wife had come down during the night to find her husband in that position. I think that she had probably tidied him up a bit before calling 999. His trousers were just about on and zippered up, but it seemed quite clear what had happened.

He'd nipped downstairs for a quick jodrell while his wife slept and had obviously gone about it with the kind of enthusiasm that had brought about his demise.

It wasn't too long before the local unit turned up and I was quite happy to let them write it up. If there was any Coroner's inquest, I didn't want to be the one trying to keep a straight face while giving evidence.

It does not cause blindness or hairy palms. It causes heart attacks.

Having said that, they do warn people not used to vigorous exercise to take it easy and build up slowly.
 
Wayne Kerr is the name of the manufacturer - why not have a look at the about page?

Wayne Kerr Electronics is acknowledged worldwide for the quality, accuracy and the capability of its component measurement products.

Wayne Kerr began in 1946 in London, UK. Over the past 70 years Wayne Kerr Electronics has became the leading manufacture of the electronic test equipments in the world. Specialized in providing the high accuracy, quality, and capabilities in component testing equipments (LCR Meter, Impedance Analyzer, High Frequency LCR Meter) and satisfactory technical supports and services to its worldwide customers.
But in workshop circles, not as famous as "Megger" which rather for its intended use of insulation integrity was used more during games of "shock" and "hunt the cnut" with a few rapid turns of the handle!

ETA allegedly as such malpractice would certainly be forbidden and against HASAW
 

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