The hazards of masturbation

Yokel

LE
I suppose he'll claim it as a danger w@nk.

The Michael Hutchence walt.

He knocked one out INXS of a safe amount?

It’s a lot more common than you’d think. I have a few paramedic mates who have stories about being called out to ‘death by wanking’.

Often recorded as a simple cardiac arrest, or if a post-mortem is carried out, a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage.

Surely if they are liable to suffer a heart attack or brain haemorrhage then any sort of exertion could be life threatening?

I suppose it's difficult to dispose of 50cm's worth of sodden Andrex, a random selected copy of New Talent (Vol 3, No 5) and pull your kecks up whilst in the throes of death. It's not unlike falling asleep mid-****, only to wake up to find your mam has left a cup of tea on the side... only worse. The obit in the Telegraph would be worth framing though.

Or being woken up by a shop assistant asking you to put the magazine back if you are not going to buy it.
 
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I suppose it's difficult to dispose of 50cm's worth of sodden Andrex, a random selected copy of New Talent (Vol 3, No 5)

All rather precise: the voice of experience?
 
It’s a lot more common than you’d think. I have a few paramedic mates who have stories about being called out to ‘death by wanking’.

Often recorded as a simple cardiac arrest, or if a post-mortem is carried out, a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage.
If that’s true how come half the avatars in this forum don’t have RIP ribbons on them?
 
It’s a lot more common than you’d think. I have a few paramedic mates who have stories about being called out to ‘death by wanking’.

Often recorded as a simple cardiac arrest, or if a post-mortem is carried out, a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage.
I'm sure that is of great comfort to the family, who have a 'legit' cause of death to pass on, as opposed to 'rubbed himself out'.
However, when amyl, satsumas and suspenders are involved...
 

bazzo

Old-Salt
There was a young man called Peem
Who invented a wanking machine
on the 99th stroke
the f'n thing broke
and wipped his balls into cream.
 
The biggest danger of masturbation is losing control of the bus.
 

Chef

LE
No, just had one, but didn't stop him buffing 'our Kyles' for a while.


0a54fb9c0550202d6830f96ece0ad1ce.jpg
Kylie, Kylie so sweet and smiley
Singing a song in her pop kitten stylie
Kylie, Kylie so pert and twee
Dear Michael Hutchence
Give her one from me.
 

Awol

LE
My mate (honest) got caught out as a teenager knocking one out in the bath by his dear mama. In an absolute flurry of embarrassment all he could think of was blurting out angrily “I’ll wash it as fast as I like”.

Classic.
 

Troy

LE
My mate (honest) got caught out as a teenager knocking one out in the bath by his dear mama. In an absolute flurry of embarrassment all he could think of was blurting out angrily “I’ll wash it as fast as I like”.

Classic.
I once knew a family that had two boys, Joey was about 7 and his brother Kevin was about 14. On a family trip to the zoo they saw one of the monkeys or chimps wanking itself off. Little Joey points and shouts out, "Kevin does that!"
Classic.
 
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Dwarf

LE
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