• This is a stand-to for an incoming competition, one of our most expensive yet.
    Later this week we're going to be offering the opportunity to Win £270 Rab Neutrino Pro military down jacket
    Visit the thread at that link above and Watch it to be notified as soon as the competition goes live

The Guardian on Sat 05 Jan 08 - Army Fitness Programme

#1
The TV ads are promising that this Saturday's Guardian will deliver the "Official British Army Fitness Training Programme".

I wasn't aware that we had one...

What do Arrsers think it includes...?

Or, what should it include?

Litotes
 
#3
Litotes said:
The TV ads are promising that this Saturday's Guardian will deliver the "Official British Army Fitness Training Programme".

I wasn't aware that we had one...

What do Arrsers think it includes...?

Or, what should it include?

Litotes
Drinking games :wink:
 
#4
Litotes said:
The TV ads are promising that this Saturday's Guardian will deliver the "Official British Army Fitness Training Programme".

I wasn't aware that we had one...

What do Arrsers think it includes...?

Or, what should it include?

Litotes
Its difficult to say what it actually includes, as they appear to be changing every 5 mins. But in order to keep up with todays society - lets have a go.

1. Run a mile and a half in 2 hrs, stopping off at the medical centre for oxygen therapy on the way.
2. Do 60 press ups over a period of 3 weeks (but only if you feel like it)!
3. Do some situps using one of those big blow up ball thingies - choosing the colour you like the best!
4. Some light leg lifts if you can't manage any of the above.

Think that about covers it! :wink: Off the sarcasm wagon now - let's be 'aving ewe! :D

What do our friends in PT corps think? :D
 
#5
First training method is to teach you how to drink ten pints of beer, washed down with a couple of Jack Daniels or Redbull and vodkas followed by a kebab. Theyve then got to ensure they dont sleep until after 2am and be able to get up and do a 6 miler at 8am.

Once you have mastered that ill teach you lesson two.
 
#6
1. Run a mile and a half in 2 hrs, stopping off at the medical centre for oxygen therapy on the way.
2. Do 60 press ups over a period of 3 weeks (but only if you feel like it)!
3. Do some situps using one of those big blow up ball thingies - choosing the colour you like the best!
4. Some light leg lifts if you can't manage any of the above.
Opps, you have inadvertantly revealed Series 2 of the Trilogy....The Official RAF Fitness Training Prrogramme. :D

C_of_J
 
#7
Clerk_of_Jerks said:
1. Run a mile and a half in 2 hrs, stopping off at the medical centre for oxygen therapy on the way.
2. Do 60 press ups over a period of 3 weeks (but only if you feel like it)!
3. Do some situps using one of those big blow up ball thingies - choosing the colour you like the best!
4. Some light leg lifts if you can't manage any of the above.
Opps, you have inadvertantly revealed Series 2 of the Trilogy....The Official RAF Fitness Training Prrogramme. :D

C_of_J
I wondered why it seemed familiar, as I had to work with the crabs a few years ago, and it must have settled into my subconscious! :D

Edited for crap spelling!
 
#8
The_IRON said:
First training method is to teach you how to drink ten pints of beer, washed down with a couple of Jack Daniels or Redbull and vodkas followed by a kebab. Theyve then got to ensure they dont sleep until after 2am and be able to get up and do a 6 miler at 8am.

Once you have mastered that ill teach you lesson two.
Beer, BEER? You drink Guiness, it provides both alchol and food, then you smoke like a trooper and eat lard. Once you are very very good at this you can think about going for THEM.
 
#9
It'll almost certainly contain some useless advice on running and that circuit training program thats in the "git fit for the army" book.

Just a bit of a recruitment thing I would imagine. Surprised Mens Health or some such thing hasnt allready printed the "official squadie training plan" or something.. they printed everyone elses from the guys from 300, to rocky, to james bond...

J.
 

Sixty

ADC
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#10
duffdike said:
Does anyone with any Army connection even read the feckin Guardian?

Yes. Although my connection is tenuous being both a Reservist and a filthy Mover :D

Read the Telegraph and the Scotsman for balance though.
 
#12
It might be Get Fit for Officers.

1. Jumping to conclusions
2. Running round in circles. (programme for Subalterns)
3. Running off at the mouth to the press (Advanced level, Brigadier and above only)
4.Stretching the limits, of belief.
5. Unarmed combat, defeat the knifewielders aiming for the back.
6. Shoulder strengthening, to carry the increased workload.
7. Shoulder flexibility, to allow blame/tasks/ general cr@p to slip off.

if anyone would like to contribute some more to the Sandhurst Curriculum, BMG
 
#13
I thinking w@nking over vast amounts of porn on the sports afternoon is the training sesh the british army relies on mainly.

I bought the linda lusardi fitness video and now I have a left arm like albert steptoe but my right arm is like schwartzenger's!!!
 
#14
5205Bradders said:
I duno bout us having an official fitness programme, but apparently the US Seals and USMC do, all in a nice little book for £5.53 on amazon.co.uk, lol

CLICKY-MA-BOB
Just read one of the reviews of the book, it contains this little gem:

In addition to the workouts listed here, there are pictures and essay snapshots of what potential SEALs actually endure in training. This book also gives some basic history of the SEALs, and what it takes to be one. The very first page asks the reader - can you swim 500 years in 12.5 minutes, do 42 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, eight pull-ups, and then run 1.5 miles in 11.5 minutes? If so, you've just passed the bare minimum entrance requirements for the SEALs. This is tough stuff!
Right then, after i've worked off the excesses of Christmas i might just give it a bash. I wonder if fat loggies can try?
 
#15
dingerr said:
5205Bradders said:
I duno bout us having an official fitness programme, but apparently the US Seals and USMC do, all in a nice little book for £5.53 on amazon.co.uk, lol

CLICKY-MA-BOB
Just read one of the reviews of the book, it contains this little gem:

In addition to the workouts listed here, there are pictures and essay snapshots of what potential SEALs actually endure in training. This book also gives some basic history of the SEALs, and what it takes to be one. The very first page asks the reader - can you swim 500 years in 12.5 minutes, do 42 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, eight pull-ups, and then run 1.5 miles in 11.5 minutes? If so, you've just passed the bare minimum entrance requirements for the SEALs. This is tough stuff!
Right then, after i've worked off the excesses of Christmas i might just give it a bash. I wonder if fat loggies can try?
Crack on
 

Unknown_Quantity

War Hero
Moderator
#16
The very first page asks the reader - can you swim 500 years in 12.5 minutes, do 42 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, eight pull-ups, and then run 1.5 miles in 11.5 minutes? If so, you've just passed the bare minimum entrance requirements for the SEALs. This is tough stuff!
[/quote]

I never mastered time travel, so that's me out. It seems that the USMC is made up entirely of timelords.
 
#17
duffdike said:
Does anyone with any Army connection even read the feckin Guardian?

Yes, I do at least you know where it is coming from being owned by the Scott Trust with no meglomaniac owners.

What are the alternatives?

The Telegraph? owned by twin brother who live on their own private island? Talk about Dr Evil.

Or Murdoch in bed with the Chinese, quite literally.
 
#18
now all the office worker bum jockeys will be doing it thinking they are fit enough for service hehe.. i bet its just that leaflet pack they give you at the AFCO to prepare for glencorse with!
 
#19
5205Bradders said:
I duno bout us having an official fitness programme, but apparently the US Seals and USMC do, all in a nice little book for £5.53 on amazon.co.uk, lol

CLICKY-MA-BOB
Heh heh - followed the link to Amazon, the first customer review for the book stated:

"The very first page asks the reader - can you swim 500 years in 12.5 minutes, do 42 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, eight pull-ups, and then run 1.5 miles in 11.5 minutes? If so, you've just passed the bare minimum entrance requirements for the SEALs. This is tough stuff!"

Hmmm, other than the swimming bit (500 years in 12.5 minutes sounds a bit tough) the rest doesn't sound too bad at all. 11.5 minutes for the mile and a half? FFS. But then that's probably very difficult for your average cheeseburger-fuelled morbidly obese walt septic on the first day of 'sealection'.
 
#20
Augustus said:
5205Bradders said:
I duno bout us having an official fitness programme, but apparently the US Seals and USMC do, all in a nice little book for £5.53 on amazon.co.uk, lol

CLICKY-MA-BOB
Heh heh - followed the link to Amazon, the first customer review for the book stated:

"The very first page asks the reader - can you swim 500 years in 12.5 minutes, do 42 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, eight pull-ups, and then run 1.5 miles in 11.5 minutes? If so, you've just passed the bare minimum entrance requirements for the SEALs. This is tough stuff!"

Hmmm, other than the swimming bit (500 years in 12.5 minutes sounds a bit tough) the rest doesn't sound too bad at all. 11.5 minutes for the mile and a half? FFS. But then that's probably very difficult for your average cheeseburger-fuelled morbidly obese walt septic on the first day of 'sealection'.

11 mins 30 is awful. I could do it in under 11 back when i was fat and hardly ever ran.
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top