The Glasgow Disaster Appeal

A bit local for some of you English cnuts (and poofs fae Edinboro)

As you are probably aware a massive earthquake measuring 5.8 on the
Richter scale struck Glasgow in the early hours. At the epicentre in
Easterhouse, victims were seen roaming around aimlessly muttering "wheeys
keeys are theese". The earthquake decimated the entire area causing about
30 quid worth of damage. Several priceless collections of ashtrays from
the Balearics and Tenerife were damaged beyond repair.

Three historic areas of burnt out cars, some over seven years old were
disturbed. Many locals were awoken before their Giro's arrived. The
Glasgow Herald reported that hundreds of locals were confused, bewildered
and still trying to come to terms with the loss of Ladbrokes.

One resident a Miss Sharon MacLafferty, a 15 year old mother of six said
"It was a shock to my little Chardonnay Mercedes. She came into my room
crying and put me and Winston off our stroke but my youngest two Tyler
Morgan and Brooklyn Romeo Rainbow luckily slept through it all. I was
still shaking whilst watching River City the next day".

Apparently looting, mugging and car crime did carry on as normal. The Red
Cross has so far managed to ship 4000 crates of lager into the area to
help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the
rubble and have recovered large amounts of belongings including Benefit
Books, jewellery by Elizabeth Duke at Argos and finest bone china from


This appeal is to raise money for food and clothes parcels for those
caught up in the disaster. Clothing is urgently needed and amongst the
most sought after items are;

Fila or Burberry Baseball Caps Kappa Tracksuit Tops (his and hers) Adidas
Trackie Bottoms 3/4 length, White Socks Rockport Boots and anything else
from the Donnay shop

Food parcels must take into consideration local tastes and should include
Micro Meals, Fried Mars Bars, Pot Noodles, Baked Beanz, Super Noodles,
Sausage Rolls and Greggs pasties for the babies. Special Brew, Aftershock,
or Thunderbird would also be gratefully received.
Every little helps. Remember: 22p buys a biro to help fill in a
compensation form £2.00 buys chips with curry and blue Panda pop for a
family of nine £5.00 buys 20 B&H and a box of Swan Vestas to calm the
nerves of a grieving ten year old. Please don't send tents for shelter as
the sight of posh accommodation is unfair on the residents of Blackhill
and Pollok.


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
I heard that the weegies like the quakes 'cos someone told them they would get After Shocks free.

A-Y fae Embra

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