The German Fruit Machine

Discussion in 'Old & Bold' started by WALL!!!!, Mar 12, 2012.

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  1. Being partial to monstering the bandit in the NAAFI, my frequent visits to local German pubs harboured in me a fascination with these wall-mounted contraptions with their myriad spinning wheels, columns of flashing lights and random number sequences.The urge to feed the thing with shiny Deutch Marks was strong, tempered only by the begging question - what the **** was going on? It had a life of its own, the wheels spinning of their own volition with only the slightest glance in the general direction of the wretched thing.

    My curiosity got the better of me and I fed the creature a DM. And so it started - and didn't stop. It played itself for about ten minutes, ignoring my random button pressing and mocking my confused frowning. Eventually, a surly local grunted something at me as he left his seat and hit one of the buttons that had been flashing exactly like all the others. To my astonishment 15 DM dropped into the coin tray. Grateful, I bought the local a beer which he didn't acknowledge and exited the premises utterly confused and bemused.

    I fully appreciate and respect the sterling work performed by the greatest minds this nation possessed at Bletchley Park but I do not believe for one second that Alan Turing could figure out how a boxhead bandit went around its business.

    Any cold war puggy fiends encounter these offspring of the enigma machine?
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  2. Oh yeah, when you won 100 Zonderspiel then it didn't pay out all in one go but would drip feed you the cash. This allowed more locals to get a free drink.
  3. I do remember watching as the machine in the Dummer See Yacht Club paid out a huge winning to an, initially, delighted looking Lance Corporal in the RCT. I say initially, as, once he had started to retrieve his loot his face fell and went from shocked to bemused to furious in a matter of seconds: nearly all of the coins that the machine spat out were one Bob bits (or shillings) and 5 New Pence coins - the shilling/5p coin being exactly the same size as a 1DM!! In those days, I think, we got about 5 or 6 DMs to the Pound.
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  4. I bow to your superior knowledge! I suppose the surly local collected the remains of my winnings after I'd fucked off.
  5. I recall that we were warned that using 5p coins in German slot machines of any sort was a criminal offence. Cant recall anyone ever being prosecuted though.
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  6. Theyve still go one of those in the Schnelly round the back of Normandy Barracks in Sennelager; just before the Unicorn(?) pub on the way to the shiny Courts Martial Centre.

    I've always been bewildered by it but this could largely be due to the fact that I'm always half-cut in that Schnelly after a day at the golf course.
  7. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I can't even work out how to use English fruities let alone Kraut ones.

    I do recall the Simpsons fruit machine in the NAAFI at Collingwood had a special code you could punch in which would reset the wheels and make the machine pay out on the next go allegedly. Other machines of the same make were the same.

    If you imagine the 'Hold' buttons are numbered 1, 2 and 3 from left to right, the code is 123232313. This would cause the machine to shut itself down momentarily and then come back to life. **** knows what was actually going on, but you'd usually win after doing it.

    As a spotty 16 year old wretch, I used to think I was a proper geezer and man of the world for knowing shit like this.
  8. Most pub jukeboxes have a skip switch located on the underside which enables you to bypass shite music and get to your own choices.

    This function is not performed without the considerable risk of physical violence if caught though.
  9. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I was in a dodgy as **** boozer in Plymouth once that was full of inbred meat heads just aching to kick in a matelot's head. In the corner was an internet streaming jukebox which could play pretty much any tune ever recorded no matter how obscure by downloading it first. My oppo (Scouse Dave of roast chicken toe punting fame from the 'my mate Dave' thread) decided the locals would appreciate the extended mix of 'the radiator song' by Aphex Twin, so he whacked it on repeat for 5 goes.

    For those who have never had the pleasure, the song is basically some **** banging on an old cast iron radiator for around 9 minutes, Youtube it.

    We got about 3 minutes into the first repeat of the song before we were 'encouraged' to leave with much haste.
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  10. Seen a couple of old sweats play them quite skilfully a few times, but they tended to be the Estate Warden/Long Service types who'd been in Germany since the last war. Never understood the attraction of the things myself. Same for the shite Eric bar games like 'nails'. How bored do you have to be before the desire to knock nails into a lump of wood creeps up on you?
  11. Brotherton Lad

    Brotherton Lad LE Reviewer

    Never got the hang of them:

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  12. In a similar vein there used to be a pub in Edinburgh Waverley train station called The Talisman Bar. On a Sunday night it was a veritable melting pot of squaddies,students,marines,oil workers and every other variety of waif and stray having a beer while waiting for their trains.

    One night I was in there quite drunk and proceeded to put Get Up by Technotronic and Ya Kid K on 7 times (for my pound); as the song entered its 4th play I noticed a rather large chap say to his mate "Hold my pint for a minute" and at that he walked up and punched the whole jukebox console off the wall.
    Luckily he didnt know it was me that had put it on but he might have realised if he'd seen me trying to shrink-fit into my chair.

    PS I know;Technotronic,but I was only 20 at the time.
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  13. What do you expect from a land where examining ones turds is considered de rigour so they give them their own viewing platform.

    Doing it with a finger or two,eyes scrunched a bit near the screen, trying to make sure I don't make a mess or mistake in the process.
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  14. I used to love putting the shittest song on the jukey on repeat. Small things etc, etc.

    Did you you ever have a weirdo in your unit that was divorced, had no money, no mates and no life and spent hours playing the bandit, convinced his big win was coming at any moment?

    You'd find him squinting into the tiny view port of some obscure corner of the window, checking the counter to "calculate" the next payout.

    After a few hours, he'd invariably go for a lag, someone else would have a cabby to use up their small change and drop the jackpot, only to be confronted by Mr Loser demanding "his" winnings!

    House wins every time.
  15. @ the OP, sorry mate, that was you wasn't it?