The funniest war book I ever read.

Discussion in 'The Book Club' started by mudslinger, Oct 18, 2007.

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  1. A mate of mine has written a satirical account of the 2003 invasion of Iraq, which he was involved in, as a recalled former soldier. It comes from a very sceptical and under-enthused perspective and is very funny. It throws a fresh perspective onto it and he's asked me to post an excerpt from it here. It'll be on Amazon in a week or two but is on the publisher's own website at now. It's called "Nobody's Hero - A Reluctant March Through The Middle East", by LD Jones.
    So, here's a part which for me, sums up the failings of the organisation and the ability of the soldiers on the ground to "adapt and overcome". It's a discussion between the author and another over the lack of kevlar plates in the body armour and goes;

    "...I've managed to find a use for all that treacle pudding we had left over from the ration packs." He exclaimed, joyfully.
    "Yuo should have said, I've been throwing mine away."
    "Yeah, so has everyone else mostly but that's about to stop because it's suddenly become a very important piece of equipment."
    "I'm staggered, do tell."
    "Well, you know that no-one, besides you, for some reason, has managed to get any Kevlar plates for their body armour?" He bagan, patting the newly solid portion of his frontage.
    "F**k me, it's true. It will stop a bullet." I replied, patting the solidly packed treacle puddings in the front of his armour.
    "Aye, it's a bit heavier than Kevlar but I feel safe in the knowledge that rat-pack treacle pudding is the hardest substance known to man." He declared, triumphantly.
    "...I've looked at the Chocolate pudding but that's not as hard. It's pretty tough like but I reckon the treacle's tougher."
    "You can actually eat the Chocolate pudding as well."
    "Aye but it's a bit chewy. Only if I was realy desperate would I stoop so low."

    Now, the humour does get more gutteral and biting but this part, for me, sums up the stupdity of it all, in a nutshell. It's reproduced with the author's permission. Any typing errors are mine. Have a look at it. He's a good lad and deserves a read.
  2. And this was the funniest part for you?

    Look out of the window and you may find a life waiting to be lived in :D
  3. Welcome to the forum Mr LD Jones 8)
  4. Your response goes a long way to confirm what he says about the Americans. Always trying to start trouble. Always better than everybody else. Always right. Glad the Atlantic's nice and wide. Stick with star wars, it's the only good thing I can remeber coming out of America.
  5. No, but I make no secret of the fact that he's a mate of mine and I'm trying to help him promote it.
  6. Not sure if you're talking to me there Muds?

    If you are then what makes you think I am American? Oh, hang on; could it be the name I use?

    If so then can I use the same logic? Are you therefore a Mudslinger by Trade?

    You crazy berk! :)
  7. Got to concede here that I'm only trying to help a mate out and maybe not doing such a good job. Might try a rethink, dunno. It's not aimed at the Andy McNab types, it's more like Dad's Army or something. It's about what really happens when you send untrained idiots to the front line without any gear. Any advice on promoting a book, by any chance?

  8. ............ and to take it one step further: That´s not MWA´s avatar, it´s a copy of his last passport photo :wink:

    Back on subject. Is the book really as funny as Don´t cry for me Sergeant Major and Don´t laugh at me Sergeant Major ?? I have a sneaky feeling that it may not be. I am however quite willing to be persuaded otherwise. (NOT with a bloody baseball bat round the head though)
  9. Not a good start methinks, calling your potential audience idiots; I will not be buying!

  10. Good spot Turfs. Perhaps a quick cse on PR would help?
  11. Don't Cry for me Sergeant Major is the funniest war book I've ever read. That takes some beating.
  12. Just found a copy of Jihad! Right laugh.

    Only a legend like that can drink that many brews.
  13. funniest war book? for me that has to be Spike Milligan - even though it is set in a WW2 battery, I kept thinking "blimey, that is uncannily like "X" or "their battery guide is just like ours!"...

    Second favourite for funny is Catch-22 and I would round it off with the brilliant "How I won the war" - which was made into a screamingly good film with Michael Crawford, Roy Kinnear and John Lennon...
  14. I thought it was made up bollocks, a couple of the stories were okay but imagine a Lantern Swinging Book made up from the stories found right here on ARRSE, would beat the likes of Don't Cry For Me Sgt Major hands down, go back and have a good read through it, pants comes to mind in comparison to what your average Bill Oddie's collection of stories during 'their' time in the Army is like!
  15. George MacDonald Fraser's McAuslan series would certainly take some beating, they're probably the funniest military books I've ever read.