The Friday joke....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Goatman, Jun 24, 2005.

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  1. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    well?.....I'm waiting.......?..........oh all right:

    That new blonde paint?

    It's not very bright but it's cheap and it spreads easily :lol:



    Erin Dawes ( for it is she) : " Why don't you ever call my name out when we have sex ?"

    ARRSER: " I didn't want to wake you..."

    oh well,

    According to - Holly, Lancashire:

    " what do short-sighted gynaecologists have in common with a Border Collie puppy ?"

    " They both have wet noses ! "

    bonne weekend tous ! ( Meme en Irak)

    Le Chevre
  2. Where are the jokes :D
  3. There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every
    time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
    Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured
    she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while
    they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she
    turned on the lights. She looked down. and saw her husband was
    holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator!
    Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
    She went completely ballistic. "You impotent b@stard," She
    screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years?
    You better explain yourself!"

    The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
    "I'll explain the toy . . you explain the kids."
  4. :D :D :D :D

    Well done

  5. Not a joke, but funny as fcuk!

    Glastonbury Washout

    Check out the submerged tents, bet their kit wasn't sealed in poly bags!
  6. A young boy went up to his father and asked him "Dad, what is the
    difference between potentially and realistically?"

    The father thought for a moment, then answered "Go ask your mother if
    she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask
    your sister if she would sleep with brad pitt for a million dollars then
    ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million
    dollars. Come back and tell me what you have learned."

    So the boy went to his mother and asked "Would you sleep with Robert
    Redford for a million dollars?" the mother replied, "Of course I would!
    I wouldn't pass up on an opportunity like that!" The boy then went to
    his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
    dollars?" The girl replied "Oh my god! I would just love to do that! you
    would be nuts to pass up that chance!" The boy then went to his brother
    and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of
    Course!" The brother replied. "Do you know how much stuff a million
    dollars could buy?" The boy pondered for a few days then went back to
    his dad.

    His father asked him "Did you find out the difference between
    potentially and realistically?" The boy replied "Yes sir. Potentially
    we are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we are
    living with two slu*s and a p0of."
  7. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    Seen....B-....... "ticklishrodent works hard at subjects it is good at but MUST learn to apply itself.....
  8. What is blue and doesn't fit?

    A dead epileptic
  9. G this should get me a D+

    Stud Rooster

    A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his
    chicken coop.
    The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old
    fart, time for you to retire."
    The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of
    these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have
    the two old hens over in the corner?"

    The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking
    The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you
    around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the
    entire chicken coop."

    The young rooster laughs.
    "You know you don't stand a chance old man. So, just to be fair I will give
    you a head start."

    The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young
    rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the
    farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5
    inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

    The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front
    porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and -
    BOOM -
    He Blows the young rooster to bits.

    The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third gay
    Rooster I bought this month."

    Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age and
    treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
  10. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    :lol: (one)
    :lol: (two)
    :lol: (three)

    ...following a rather faltering start, Ticklishrodent has applied itself this term...keep up the good work...

    house point
  11. Nursary teacher: Class, what do your father's do? You first John.
    John: My dad's a Policeman Miss. he goes arround and arrests criminals.
    Nursary teacher: That's good, Adrian, What does your dad do?
    Adrian: He's a Fireman, Miss. He runs into burning buildings and rescues people.
    Nursary teacher: Thankyou Adrian. Chris, What does your dady do.
    Chris: My Dad's dead Miss.
    Nursary teacher: I'm sorry, Chris. What did he do before he died?
    Chris: Turned blue and Sh1t himself Miss.
  12. how do you remove a peanut which is stuck in your ear?

    pour chocolate in your ear and it will come out a 'treat'.

    boom boom.
  13. How do you get a goth out of a tree??

    Cut the rope..

    Sorry was that a bit poor taste???
  14. After a long night of making love, he notices a photo
    of another man on her night stand by the bed. He
    begins to worry.

    "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
    "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

    "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
    "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

    "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping
    to be reassured.

    "No, no, no!!!" she answers.
    "Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

    "That's me before the surgery."
  15. Now he's been found innocent after his long trial Michael Jackson is taking a well earned break away from the lime light

    he's going to Tampa with the kids. :D