• This is a stand-to for an incoming competition, one of our most expensive yet.
    Later this week we're going to be offering the opportunity to Win £270 Rab Neutrino Pro military down jacket
    Visit the thread at that link above and Watch it to be notified as soon as the competition goes live

The French go to war!

Is this one fight that they'll win or do we think that they'll pack plenty of white hankies to cover all contingencies?

(c) BBC

France is drafting 400 troops to help fight a mosquito-borne virus spreading on its Indian Ocean island of Reunion.
My feeling is that the cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys will turn tail as soon as they hear buzzing! :D
As soon as the French see the Enemy the white flag will go up and the Excuse that they were abandoned again will come out

French 0
Mossys 1
I am awaiting newsreel footage of a regiment of mosqitoes goose-stepping under the Arch De Triumph.

Edited to add: Don't laugh, we'll probably have to bail the cnuts out again!
I didn't know they had an sort of forward movement ability


War Hero
One of these should do it.... Then drop one on France just in case some frog bought one back to Europe.



War Hero
What about the Chunnel? We should block that as well. Nah it's alright the CESM's excuse will be 'We didn't realise mozzies had an aerial capability"
next the sun will be banging on about how the mozzies have been trained by eastern european economic migrants to fly them across the channel to the land of milk, honey, NHS and free handouts!
Its not a Mosquito problem that is causing this buzzing, more like the Spanish air force.

I think even the Camemberts can deal with the Spanish !


Book Reviewer
Battle of Hastings or Hundred Years War anyone?
Five casualties but how many of them were by the French????


Book Reviewer
Gosh. Makes The Battle of Formigny seem almost inadequate:

300 Frogs for 2500 English. Crikey!
Agincourt, frog calvalry wore armour so heavy horse either died from broken spine or froggy fell off. Froggy then incapacitated due to weight of armour. Brit then laughs at french before/after/during strategically poking frog with long pointy object. Hence it was a slaughter.



Book Reviewer
They won the war though.
The estimates of the French dead at Agincourt vary but were over 10 000. It was a battle fought by a depleted English force consisting of around 900 men at arms (all dismounted) with about 5000 Welsh archers.

Just to put it into context, imagine the scene....

The Englsih have just captured the town of Harfleur on the coat. The flooded surrounding countryside and protracted seige (it went on longer than Henry anticipated) brought about an outbreak of dysentary that killed/ incapacitated between 10-20% of the English force. Many English and Welsh were then Garrisoned in Harfleur, with those injured and very sick left behind to be ferried back to England.

The Englsih then march on Calaise. However, they are shadowed by a sizeable French force screening the far bank of the River. The English, expecting an engagement at any time, had to don armour and travel encumbered in poor weather, many still suffering from the effects of dysentary.

At each crossing point, they see the French. So, they decide to march into the interior of the country, up-river, to out fox the French and force a passage unseen by the enemy. Because of this detour, the English begin to run out of food but eventually reach a point where they force a passage only to be checked a little later on by the presence of a large French Force, which has massed, blocking their route to Calaise. The French have selected their ground at Azincourt and Henry accepts the challenge. The English force forms up that evening, 24 Oct 1415, in battle formation, ready for action, with little food or shelter whilst the rain hammers down. Many are still suffering from dysentary.

In contrast, the French force is well-fed, sheltered and more troops are coming. The cream of the French aristocracy is present.

Imagine waiting there for the massed mounted French men-at-arms to charge whilst you stand there, soaking, having crapped into your armour or if you're an archer, after having litterally ripped the arse out of your trousers to let nature take its course?

Once it got going, the impact of 5000 arrows loosed as one go would have been like listening to 5000 hammers smacking metal in a blacksmiths. The first wave would have been ridden over by the second wave. When the arrows were finished, the archers walked forward and stabbed the wounded/ unhorsed French through their eye-slits or battered them to death with their hammers.

The battlefield was hemmed in by woods on either side and the mud made going forward for the encumbered French. This defeat virtually wiped out the nobility of the surrounding Countryside as well as the Marshal of Franch, Admiral of France, Constable of France, leading members of the Armangac faction (who supported Charles VI) and many of the local Bailli's. Moreover, several generations of the same French family's were wiped out too. It was in short, a catastrophe for the French.

So, don't underestimate the English victory or the fact that a smaller, well-led, motivated force or professionals can do when they really have to!

And, I'm a Scot! And the French are crap!
And of course.... any excuse to post this

WESTMORELAND. O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in England
That do no work to-day!

KING. What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

New Posts

Latest Threads