The Ferrari F1 team (joke)

#1
The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Berwick youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Eastcliffe were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.


However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first
practice session, not only was the Berwick pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.
 
#2
There's a Scotsman driving through Europe and an Englishman
driving in the opposite direction. In the middle of the night, with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions.

The Scotsman manages to climb out of his car and survey the
damages.

He looks at his twisted car and says, "Jesus, I am really lucky to
be alive!"

Likewise, the Englishman scrambles out of his car and looks at his
wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this
wreck!"

The Englishman walks over to the Scotsman and says, "You know, I
think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty
differences and live as friends instead of such rivals.

The Scotsman thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're
absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived the wreck."

So, the Scotsman pops open his boot and finds a full
unopened bottle of Whisky. He says to the English fella, "I think
this is another sign from God that we toast to our new found
understanding and friendship."

The Englishman says, "You're d**n right!" and he grabs the bottle
and starts sucking down the Whisky. After putting away nearly half
the bottle, the Englishman hands it back to the Scotsman and says,
"Your turn!"
The Scotsman twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nah, I
think I'll wait for the police to show up."
 

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