Admittedly, I ve had a few, but really only a few, because I was only thinking of this today and yesterday at work, 20 yrs later, totally sober, the places I d been to in the Army, and I wanted to share it with the like-minded amongst us. I ve also been reading a lot lately, about the present and past conflicts. I ve come to the conclusion that the most important places I ve been to with HMF give me great pleasure in our achievements, but also great sorrow. The amount of human suffering that went on, or is still ongoing in those countries has only just hit me, 20-24 yrs later. I dont think we ever really personally recognised, or were informed of the hate, pain, suffering and longing of those we were protecting or attacking at the time, and it has only just appealled to me. I dare not to think of any lives I may have personally saved in NI, purely by being there at the right/wrong moment, nor the lives we took or saved in GW1, against an already beaten Army. In both conflicts, one thing will stay with me forever, whether I saw it with my own eyes or not, it was the purely and unadulterated smell and aurora of death, pain and suffering, destruction and unreconcilable doom, it overwhelmed me. Nothing euphoric was asked of us at the time, or as we thought then, it was expected and we did the work required, and it was righteous, of that I am certain. I do not suffer from PTSD or GWS, however, I do have issues with right and wrong, and without any of you fuckers shouting "Fanny", please give me some constructive debate on my thoughts! Maybe its just a phase.