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The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

Although a few years old, this vid gives an idea of the problem.

Between the nomadic Bedouin that live in the area and have a tradition of ahem, scrounging and with the gap between the army being busy with training and the police not being involved in policing army training......

Some Bedouin serve in the IDF and this can even lead to situations like this:
Company commander arrested over theft of IDF weapons

I'd have thought a speeding ATV would make an excellent test of a tank gunners skill myself.

whistling.gif
 
My section fullscrew A**y "Wills" W****n (3 AFA early 90's) was brought back to camp ('slightly' under the influence) by two GCP officers who refused to say why they were laughing so much, 'just don't let him out of camp until he is sober, yes?' they said to me.
It turns out he had tried to remove the lights from their police car, while they were sat inside.

Many moons ago, I used to have a mate who - when pissed - thought it was a great joke to find a long line of parked cars and run along them: boot, roof, bonnet, boot, roof, bonnet, etc.

EM got into the act one day and inspired him to run along a particular line of cars. When he reached the last one, Alex stood on the top laughing hysterically and jumping up and down. He was duly surprised to have his ankle grabbed via a hand coming out of a car window. It was plainclothes plod keeping a suspect under surveillance. And distinctly un-amused by young Alex tap dancing on their roof.

However, this was one of the rare occasions when EM's long term planning failed. Alex was one of the first people to get into the business of supplying new fangled PC's to companies wanted to get simple internal computer systems up and running. He retired a multi-millionaire at 55.

But I'm sure EM is biding his time for his revenge.

Wordsmith
 
Although a few years old, this vid gives an idea of the problem.

Between the nomadic Bedouin that live in the area and have a tradition of ahem, scrounging and with the gap between the army being busy with training and the police not being involved in policing army training......

Some Bedouin serve in the IDF and this can even lead to situations like this:
Company commander arrested over theft of IDF weapons

I suppose that it's not quite cricket to issue the fire order:
Detail at your moving target in front, in your own time, go on.
Would sort the matter quite quickly.
 
While thinking about EMs activities in the Middle East I was reminded of his stunts in other areas eg Russia. Now I don't know if there is a Tsar Mong or if all Russians are bat shit crazy or both, but looking at dash cam recordings of incidents if there is a TM (not our PM) he must be on permanent overtime.
A bit nearer to home (my home that is) we have Belgium. A few years ago while returning to Germany from UK there was a stretch of autobahn that was down to a single lane due to road repairs. That meant that the traffic slowed down considerably. Perhaps a bit too slow for one genius. Having no doubt been urged by EM he decided to use the lane being repaired to overtake everyone else. Shitfa had no doubt not considered exactly why one side had been cordoned off, well enlightenment came in due course. Certain stretches had had the concrete surface removed to a depth of around 15 to 20 cms (6 to 8 ins in real currency) and the edges were right angled not chamfered. As it was night time shitfa found a such stretch the hard way, now if going down into the hole was a wake up call trying to get out was a real hoot. He succeeded, well parts of the car did, I think he left the oil sump and few other odds and ends in the hole. Oh dear. Due to the darkness and engine noise etc I didn't notice any one in a purple cape, nor did I hear the laughter, but it no doubt happened. Made a boring trip a bit more interesting, for me at any rate.
I had sort of a similar thing, but not as satisfying, 20+ years ago, when I was on a motorway maintenance scheme at night. It was back in the days when we always fully excavated lane 1 to reconstruct it, with the same treatment being done to adjacent lanes as needed. So there were steps of up to 150mm or so deep as the end of each reconstruction length was tied into the adjacent bits that weren't being dug up, if you can picture that.

So this was a 2 lane motorway with hard shoulder and one carriageway was fully closed, with traffic being put into contraflow on the opposite side of the central reserve. At the entry crossover at the start of the contraflow there were more signs and cones than you could shake a stick at and it was impossible to get it wrong, yes? Well obviously "No".

I was driving on the closed carriageway the "wrong" way from the exit crossover towards the start of the works when ahead of me I could see multiple stationary headlights. "Odd", thinks I and drove towards them, half expecting a load of pikeys on the rob. Thankfully that wasn't the case but I found 4 cars stopped at the edge of a spot where we'd dug out both lanes and the hard shoulder. So there was a hole 600mm or so deep, full width of the road with three 150mm deep steps each about a metre or so long. My car is in the bottom of the hole with it's orange beacon merrily whizzing around.

I got out of my car and walked up to the first car. The woman driver, (you knew that was coming, didn't you), wound down her window and said in a trembling voice, "The road just stopped. What do I do?". "Wait here", was my response as I went to speak to the other drivers, who had all simply followed the car in front. **** me there are some dozy ******* in this country. For god alone knows what reason the Doris at the front must have gone through the works access from lane 1 onto the hard shoulder, which is a pretty hard thing to do, seeing as the gap in the cone line was only 18m or so and difficult to negotiate if you're doing 50mph.

There was no way these cnuts were going to be allowed to turn around, drive the wrong way through site and then try to pull a U-turn into lane 1 from the hard shoulder at night on an unlit motorway with other traffic coming at them, so the only safe option was for muggins to escort them through site.

My instructions to them were, "Follow me, DO NOT attempt to pass me, you'll be driving down and up some deep steps, take it VERY slowly or you'll rip your sump off or damage your suspension. There's parked up construction vehicles and piles of road stone all over the place for you to run into if you misbehave. When we get to the end of site, wait for a gap in traffic and merge back into the running lanes at speed, accelerating on the hard shoulder first. Next time, pay more attention to the signs." Note the lack of "Please", pretty sure they could tell I was pissed off by my tone of voice.

I must admit to taking the piss by driving through site at no more than 5mph, with these twats following along very obediently. 3km is a loooong way at 5mph. As the site was otherwise almost unoccupied, 20mph or more would have been quite safe, apart from the stepped locations. It's an anti-climatic end to the tale I'm sorry to say but I was totally gutted that none of them damaged their vehicles, gutted I tells ya.
 
I had sort of a similar thing, but not as satisfying, 20+ years ago, when I was on a motorway maintenance scheme at night. It was back in the days when we always fully excavated lane 1 to reconstruct it, with the same treatment being done to adjacent lanes as needed. So there were steps of up to 150mm or so deep as the end of each reconstruction length was tied into the adjacent bits that weren't being dug up, if you can picture that.

So this was a 2 lane motorway with hard shoulder and one carriageway was fully closed, with traffic being put into contraflow on the opposite side of the central reserve. At the entry crossover at the start of the contraflow there were more signs and cones than you could shake a stick at and it was impossible to get it wrong, yes? Well obviously "No".

I was driving on the closed carriageway the "wrong" way from the exit crossover towards the start of the works when ahead of me I could see multiple stationary headlights. "Odd", thinks I and drove towards them, half expecting a load of pikeys on the rob. Thankfully that wasn't the case but I found 4 cars stopped at the edge of a spot where we'd dug out both lanes and the hard shoulder. So there was a hole 600mm or so deep, full width of the road with three 150mm deep steps each about a metre or so long. My car is in the bottom of the hole with it's orange beacon merrily whizzing around.

I got out of my car and walked up to the first car. The woman driver, (you knew that was coming, didn't you), wound down her window and said in a trembling voice, "The road just stopped. What do I do?". "Wait here", was my response as I went to speak to the other drivers, who had all simply followed the car in front. **** me there are some dozy ******* in this country. For god alone knows what reason the Doris at the front must have gone through the works access from lane 1 onto the hard shoulder, which is a pretty hard thing to do, seeing as the gap in the cone line was only 18m or so and difficult to negotiate if you're doing 50mph.

There was no way these cnuts were going to be allowed to turn around, drive the wrong way through site and then try to pull a U-turn into lane 1 from the hard shoulder at night on an unlit motorway with other traffic coming at them, so the only safe option was for muggins to escort them through site.

My instructions to them were, "Follow me, DO NOT attempt to pass me, you'll be driving down and up some deep steps, take it VERY slowly or you'll rip your sump off or damage your suspension. There's parked up construction vehicles and piles of road stone all over the place for you to run into if you misbehave. When we get to the end of site, wait for a gap in traffic and merge back into the running lanes at speed, accelerating on the hard shoulder first. Next time, pay more attention to the signs." Note the lack of "Please", pretty sure they could tell I was pissed off by my tone of voice.

I must admit to taking the piss by driving through site at no more than 5mph, with these twats following along very obediently. 3km is a loooong way at 5mph. As the site was otherwise almost unoccupied, 20mph or more would have been quite safe, apart from the stepped locations. It's an anti-climatic end to the tale I'm sorry to say but I was totally gutted that none of them damaged their vehicles, gutted I tells ya.

Did he say tell everyone a nearly funny story then **** it up?
 

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