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The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

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Reminds me of when Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P had an exploding codpiece backfire
 
"And a baby alligator" sounds like the purple one had a back up plan ...

It was a while back but perhaps this might help:
Theres cleo and meo and the baby crocodile
we live on the allegenny river
Pittsberg half a mile
when cleo gets freeo and the dancing gets so wild youd swear that the alleghenny river was the river Nile?
 
The emperor went for a hat trick today and got it.

He distracted a driver parking at the railway station today, so that the driver forgot to put his hand brake on. EM then continued chatting to the driver as he walked towards the station entrance, so he completely failed to notice his car rolling out of his parking slot, across the gap between car park spaces and into a car parked on the other side. This resulted in the car park being blocked, so someone called plod. They turned up, inspected the damage then arranged for the errant car to be towed.

When the car owner remains from London, he will find:
  1. A missing car, which he will then report stolen.
  2. He will then find his car is in a police pound, so he'll have to pay to get it out.
  3. By way of a bonus, he's also facing an insurance claim for damage to the other car.
You've got to admire EM (PBUH) for sheer economy of effort. He's ruined someone's day three times from arranging for something as simple as a handbrake to be left off.

Genius....

Wordsmith
 
It would of course be even better if the car had been borrowed or was a hire car.
Happened to a work colleague a few years back, just before Chrimbo. Left the car on driveway while 'just popping in' to see somebody, it rolled down drive, across road, glancing blow demolished a gatepost, and caused mahoosive damage to a Hertz car parked in the opposite driveway.
Some unfeeling tw@ts at the office went to the scrapyard and bought a handbrake lever for a few pennies, boxed it and giftwrapped it, and left it on his desk...
 
Good drills, but it is Nor'fuk.

'Police have reported a motorist "for too many offences to mention" after catching him driving a car which didn't have a steering wheel or a front seat. Officers tweeted their shock after pulling over the car in King's Lynn. The driver was said to be "sitting on a bucket" and "steering with a pair of mole grips".'

http://www.itv.com/news/anglia/upda...out-steering-wheel-while-sitting-on-a-bucket/

The late Paul Thomas "Scotty" Houston of Carrickfergus was nicked for (nearly exactly) that in 1990. Steering with Vise-Grips and sitting on a lemonade crate. Gold mark 4 Cortina. I know the peeler that stopped him: said he did so because Scotty was sitting so low down, he thought it must have been a kid driving.
 
Just sold my canoe for £35.00. How am I going to get it from my mums garage to my house?

Big puff of smoke and a sulphurous pong.

EM- 'Don't mess about with a roof rack young man, just put a blanket on your dashboard and carry it in the car'
Me-' Are you sure, your mightiness, what about the windscreen?'
EM - 'What could possibly go wrong? Get on with it!'

5 minutes and the very first speed hump ....... bump....crack!!!!

' Hi, is that Autoglass?'
 
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