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The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

The Emperor has been on holiday for a few weeks
he has been visiting Queensland and dispensing sage advice to the locals
this chap listened and acted
before he sold his F40 Ferrari, he decided to give it a shake down run, on old hardened tyres, oh and dont bother about insurance, whats the worse than can happen ???



View attachment 490830


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Just one last run, for old times...oh fuck!
 

Tyk

LE
Driver, freck it's the police
EM, bang yer foot down they'll never catch you in your beamer
Driver, frecking right on

View attachment 490592View attachment 490593

Delighted to see this, I know that road very well, it's between 2 roundabouts which are pretty busy and they're no more than half a mile apart, probably less. The one they were heading towards has a damn big Tesco off it and plenty of foot traffic.
There is a certain subset of the local population (Pakistani origin youths) who think that haring about in cars like their arses are on fire is a fun way to behave, quite a common sight to see flowers on the railings and lampposts where their lack of talent has come to an abrupt end.
 
There is a certain subset of the local population (Pakistani origin youths) who think that haring about in cars like their arses are on fire is a fun way to behave, quite a common sight to see flowers on the railings and lampposts where their lack of talent has come to an abrupt end.

I'd suggest that's where their lack of talent kicked in.
 
quite a common sight to see flowers on the railings and lampposts
I think that's great, really brightens up the drive into work those cheerful bunches of flowers.
 
I remember seeing a documentary about Albert Pierrepoint, the last British hangman. He conducted a number of hangings of convicted nazis, but was very scathing of the American methods. Albert calculated how far the condemned had to fall before the noose would come tight and snap the spinal cord, he reckoned the Americans just left them to choke to death regardless


The last British hangman was Harry Allan, Pierrepoint resigned in 1956, beacause of monetary issues with the home office. It is reputed he hung 608 people. He was asked for by Monty, to hang NAZI war criminals at Hamlin in Germany, he hung 202. many of them women, the youngest being just 22, Irma Grese. the beast of Belsen.
 

Oops

War Hero
Driver, freck it's the police
EM, bang yer foot down they'll never catch you in your beamer
Driver, frecking right on

View attachment 490592View attachment 490593
Shout out to Calderdale Council Highways Dept.
Without those strategically placed barriers , two trees may have been tragically injured in the incident.
Please refrain from hanging football shirts/ scarves, teddy bears and balloons on said arboreal witnesses, the PTSD could tip em over the edge....

# Bark Leaves Matter
 

Bodenplatte

War Hero
The last British hangman was Harry Allan, Pierrepoint resigned in 1956, beacause of monetary issues with the home office. It is reputed he hung 608 people. He was asked for by Monty, to hang NAZI war criminals at Hamlin in Germany, he hung 202. many of them women, the youngest being just 22, Irma Grese. the beast of Belsen.

You can't really say Harry Allen was the last. He and Bob Stewart carried out the last two judicial hangings in UK at the same time, 0800 on 13 August 1964. Gwynne Evans was topped by Allen at Strangeways, whilst Bob Stewart did for Peter Allen at Walton. Both executed men had been jointly convicted of the capital murder of John West at Workington the previous April. (The 1957 Homicide Act had separated "capital" and "non-capital" murder.)

At the time I had a good Army friend whose brother was a Prison Officer at Strangeways. He told me that the reason both men were hanged concurrently was that there was an official desire to ensure that neither of them gained any post-mortem notoriety for being "the last". Same for the title of "last hangman" - in previous years it would have been quite normal for one hangman to execute two men at the same time, side by side. The same two hangmen who executed Evans and Allen had carried out similar concurrent hangings the previous year, when Russell Pascoe and Dennis Whitty were topped simultaneously at Horfield and Winchester respectively.

Of course, at the time nobody could be certain that Evans and Allen would be the last, but there was such a head of steam for abolition, and so few executions were taking place over the last couple of years, that it was a fair bet that no further executions would take place.

Josef Kramer was the "Beast of Belsen." Irma was the "Beautiful Beast" (according to the press.) As the main source of news at the time was the written word, many of us in UK pronounced her surname as "Grease".

Whilst the overwhelming majority of those topped by Uncle Albert at Hameln (and a few in Austria) were war criminals, there was a smattering of what you might call "normal" murderers, including British servicemen.

On busy hanging days, male prisoners at Hameln were hung in pairs, but the women were hung individually before the men. On some days there was not enough time for the bodies to be left hanging for the customary one hour. It was found that signs of life were frequently still present after half an hour on the rope, and in one case breathing restarted*. On the advice of the Chief Pathologist of Rhine Army a medical officer was standing by in the pit, and administered an injection of chloroform directly into the heart which stopped the heart almost immediately.

*Edited 21/7/20 - in two cases. Breathing started about 7 minutes after the trap had dropped.
 
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You can't really say Harry Allen was the last. He and Bob Stewart carried out the last two judicial hangings in UK at the same time, 0800 on 13 August 1964. Gwynne Evans was topped by Allen at Strangeways, whilst Bob Stewart did for Peter Allen at Walton. Both executed men had been jointly convicted of the capital murder of John West at Workington the previous April. (The 1957 Homicide Act had separated "capital" and "non-capital" murder.)

At the time I had a good Army friend whose brother was a Prison Officer at Strangeways. He told me that the reason both men were hanged concurrently was that there was an official desire to ensure that neither of them gained any post-mortem notoriety for being "the last". Same for the title of "last hangman" - in previous years it would have been quite normal for one hangman to execute two men at the same time, side by side. Doing them in separate prisons at the same moment is, I think, unique.
Of course, at the time nobody could be certain that they would be the last, but there was such a head of steam for abolition, and so few executions were taking place over the last couple of years, that it was a fair bet that no further executions would take place.

Josef Kramer was the "Beast of Belsen." Irma was the "Beautiful Beast" (according to the press.) As the main source of news at the time was the written word, many of us in UK pronounced her surname as "Grease".

Whilst the overwhelming majority of those topped by Uncle Albert at Hameln (and a few in Austria) were war criminals, there was a smattering of what you might call "normal" murderers, including British servicemen.

On busy hanging days, male prisoners at Hameln were hung in pairs, but the women were hung individually before the men. On some days there was not enough time for the bodies to be left hanging for the customary one hour. It was found that signs of life were frequently still present after half an hour on the rope, and in one case breathing restarted. On the advice of the Chief Pathologist of Rhine Army a medical officer was standing by in the pit, and administered an injection of chloroform directly into the heart which stopped the heart almost immediately.

Does history record where in Hameln?


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It was found that signs of life were frequently still present after half an hour on the rope, and in one case breathing restarted.


Pierrepoint states categorically that death is instant, as the 3rd vertebra snaps, severing the spinal cord. It was for this reputation for perfection, that Monty chose Pierrepoint, and had him flown to Germany. You comment on a lingering death seems somewhat apocryphal. There is no mention of a botched hanging in his book, or any other material i have read on the subject. ( American hangings are another thread subject) I stand to be corrected. links please.
 
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Ciggie

GCM
I was right, although if I believed in karma that might apply as well.

As background, someone told me a while ago about the effect of sugar free sweets as a laxative. I got the bright spark idea of buying some and giving them as a gift. Not having decided who would get the sweets but I thought someone would be bound to annoy me.

Last week I went on Amazon, looked through the available sweets and found these - . After I had finished laughing at the reviews I bought them.

On Thursday I tried about a dozen as an experiment. They taste and feel like real sweets, unlike vegetarian sausages compared to real sausages. I don't think anyone would notice the difference so everything is going swimmingly so far.

That night I spent doing a series of long and loud farts but that also lacked any sort of smell. It was like the bears were being converted directly into propellant but without anything in terms of payload. Much amusement.

More importantly, there was no sensation of diarrhoea or imminently shitting myself. The obvious conclusion from that was that those reviews were written by soft idiots who've never experienced a night on vindaloo and Guinness. Clearly my guts are made of stronger stuff, having been toughened by years of spicy food and excess beer. That was, in hindsight, a mistake.

Fast forward to last night, around 10pm. Enter His Imperial Mongness:
EM: Hi Ortho, still hungry after that bowl of brown stuff? Why not have some of those gummy bears?
Me: Fair point, they were quite nice. Better not have too many as they have some interesting effects.
EM: Nonsense, you'll be fine. Go on and have another big handful.
Me: Righto, you're the boss (I may have been slightly inebriated at that point).

That, in hindsight, was a bigger mistake. I woke up at around 3am with the sensation that is your body saying "You've got 5 seconds to get to a toilet or you will shit yourself". I jumped up and ran to the khazi where I discovered someone had replaced my ******** with a fire hose. After I finished pressure washing the toilet with fizzy gravy I noticed a different sensation in my stomach.

While the laxative effect was clearly not a lie, the fart inducing qualities hadn't yet made themselves known. All of that gas had to go somewhere and, since my arse had apparently been stockpiling rusty water for 5 hours, the gas had been trapped up near my stomach. This was rather uncomfortable and I decided not to get off the khazi until said fart had been delivered. That did not happen.

Eventually I gave up and went back to bed. Shortly after lying down there was an ominous rumbling in my guts as the buildup of gas started to move and I realised I had turned myself into a human spirit level. Several long, loud farts later and the situation was much more comfortable.

The bears hadn't finished though and there was then another urgent rush to the toilet, followed by lying down and letting off some questionable farts to relieve the pressure. The rest of the night continued in the same way.

I have lost count of the number of times I've had a shit, soiled two pairs of boxers when twisting on nineteen and my poor nipsy feels like I've been using sandpaper for bog roll.

I've still got about 850g left of the satanic confectionery. I would give them to an irritating child at work but I might be sacked for attempted poisoning. I think I'll save them until Halloween.
That sir was a work of pure brilliance. Nicking it for the edification of mates who don't come on here !
 

Bodenplatte

War Hero
Pierrepoint states categorically that death is instant, as the 3rd vertebra snaps, severing the spinal cord. It was for this reputation for perfection, that Monty chose Pierrepoint, and had him flown to Germany. You comment on a lingering death seems somewhat apocryphal. There is no mention of a botched hanging in his book, or any other material i have read on the subject. ( American hangings are another thread subject) I stand to be corrected. links please.

Apocryphal - no. Sorry.

Hangmen/Home Offices/Governments/Prison authorities had a vested interest in convincing themselves and the public that death was instantaneous in the case of well-conducted Long Drop hangings.
Albert Pierrepoint had a very high regard for his own work, and I do not doubt that he thought death was instantaneous. The dying men/women would certainly be unconscious, and after an hour on the rope they'd be dead. However, the Hameln experience, verified by Colonel F E Buckland the Chief Pathologist BAOR (he served on until the 1960s IIRC*) is quite specific about vital signs being shown for up to half an hour after the trap dropped.

"Experiments were carried out by F.E. Buckland, the assistant director of pathology, British Army of the Rhine, on some of the war criminals executed at Hameln and these found, that although the prisoners were rendered unconscious by the drop, the heart could continue to beat for up to 25 minutes after execution. This created a problem because it meant that it would take far longer to carry out the batches of executions if each prisoner had to be left on the rope for an hour, as was standard British practice. It was thus proposed that the medical officer present would inject 10cc of chloroform into the prisoner 30 seconds after the drop had been given. It was found that if the chloroform was injected directly into the heart, it immediately stopped beating and if injected intravenously into the arm the heart would stop in seconds. This procedure was first used at the execution of the 10 men and three women on the 13th of December 1945.
On the 8th of March 1946 when eight men were hanged it was decided not to inject chloroform. The medical officer listened to their hearts with a stethoscope in the normal way and recorded his results. These showed that it took between 10 and 15 minutes for audible heart beats to cease. On the 15th of May 1946 a further ten executions were carried out and this time the condemned were wired up to an electrocardiograph, which recorded the electrical activity of the heart. It showed that impulses were produced for a further ten minutes; taking the total time to 25 minutes. During this series of executions, two men started breathing and had to be injected with chloroform. In one case, this took place 7 1/2 minutes after execution. It is thought that this was the last time chloroform was used."

Despite evidence of heart activity for up to 25 minutes, Buckland concluded that, in future executions, bodies should be left hanging for 15 minutes, or until a heartbeat was no longer audible, instead of the customary hour. This would make it "possible to effect dual executions at half hourly intervals".


* Edited 27/07/20. Buckland retired from the Army in December 1962.
 
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