The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

anglo

LE
I'm disappointed, I thought the whole lot would collapse. Where's the action when you need it?
Sometimes you have to grin bear these little trials and tribulations


Think about what was said to the forklift driver,
After they dug him out :rolleyes:

[that should cheer you up]
 

NSP

LE
Think about what was said to the forklift driver,
After they dug him out
“Through this holy anointing may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up"...??
 

Auld-Yin

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“Through this holy anointing may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up"...??
Said before or after they sack him?
 

NSP

LE

Auld-Yin

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If they're administering the last rites I suspect that he's a bit beyond sacking!!
Really! I would never have guessed ;)
 

Auld-Yin

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Swmbo. Can you cut my fringe for me.

Whoooosh, pfftt, the smell of sulphur and his Eminence appears.

Me.. Piss off ********.
EM. Come on old son, how difficult can it be to cut a straight line with a pair of scissors.

Me... Yeah. I suppose you're right.

Snip snip snip.

Me. Ummmm... That doesn't look very good tbh love.

Swmbo.. ******* hell, what the **** have you done to my fringe.

Me. It'll be OK with some hair gel.



Mmmmmwahahahahahaha
A long time ago, in a medical unit far far away....

Twas the night before RSMs parade when and all through the camp,
Not a creature was stirring, not even Hayley (the tramp)

The two tone lightweights were hung near the shirts
In hopes that the Razzman would not go beserk
Us privates were nestled all snug in the bar
When in bursts jakeman, his hair all bizarre


Help me, oh help me, wailed jakeman with woe
I need a haircut but have nowhere to go
"goodness" I said, cos I'm polite like that,
I certainly didn't call Jakeman a twat.

It's nine in the evening and we've all been drinking
this may not turn out quite how you were thinking
quick as a flash, out came the clippers
we were so drunk, our hands were like flippers

"It's wonky," says Smudge we must make it level
so off come some more, "oops that's a bit of a devil"
now its up on the left and low on the right
a little adjustment and no it's the wrong height





in short EM advised him not to bother getting a haircut before RSMs
he only mentioned it when we were already drunk so the hair on the back of his head ended up level with the tops of his ears.
we drew a pair of eyes on the back of his head , which we all forgot about until the RSM spotted him...
 
Last edited:

Helm

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
A long time ago, in a medical unit far far away....

Twas the night before RSMs parade when and all through the camp,
Not a creature was stirring, not even Hayley (the tramp)

The two tone lightweights were hung near the shirts
In hopes that the Razzman would not go beserk
Us privates were nestled all snug in the bar
When in bursts jakeman, his hair all bizarre


Help me, oh help me, wailed jakeman with woe
I need a haircut but have nowhere to go
"goodness" I said, cos I'm polite like that,
I certainly didn't call Jakeman a twat.

It's nine in the evening and we've all been drinking
this may not turn out quite how you were thinking
quick as a flash, out came the clippers
we were so drunk, our hands were like flippers

"It's wonky," says Smudge we must make it level
so off come some more, "oops that's a bit of a devil"
now its up on the left and low on the right
a little adjustment and no it's the wrong height





in short EM advised him not to bother getting a haircut before RSMs
he only mentioned it when we were already drunk so the hair on the back of his head ended up level with the tops of his ears.
we drew a pair of eyes on the back of his head , which we all forgot about until the RSM spotted him...
Does the poem end with
Get that THING off my square
Double him about
Till his head becomes bare.
 

Auld-Yin

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Does the poem end with
Get that THING off my square
Double him about
Till his head becomes bare.
RSM said "There's a distinct smell of shit,
And it seems to be at the end of my stick."
To which Pte Bloggs said, in a manner most outrageous,
"Not at this end!" Most courageous!!
 
Does the poem end with
Get that THING off my square
Double him about
Till his head becomes bare.
Jakeman had a viking burial with full military honours in the washdown, Talbot Barracks, Paderborn. early 90's
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
Dopey yank, could not get laid so decides to blow up some cheerleaders
MWAAAAH
picking his nose is going to be a problem from now on
1593804176812.png



 

wheel

LE
Dopey yank, could not get laid so decides to blow up some cheerleaders
MWAAAAH
picking his nose is going to be a problem from now on
View attachment 486904


Who fingered him ?.
 

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