The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

NSP

LE
They had to rename it as every time the city came up in a White House security briefing Dubya thought it referred to part of a B-52.
 
View attachment 482991

Blinding purple flash and strong pong of sulphur... E.M appears on the flight deck of the taxying Flybe Dash 8.

EM: Why are you slowing? Are you not a God amongst men, a fanny magnet with four rings on your sleeve and a clearance to taxi?

Capt: Well Your Excellency, if we don‘t stop there could be all manner of forms to be filled in and...
EM: Silence you fool... you are a Flybe pilot, far superior to any Loganair jockey and you have your taxi clearance from the the tower. Keep going.. You know the fool will move out of your way as you make your stately progress towards the runway.
Capt: Well, if you are sure the Loganair chap will move.... arghhhhhhhh E.M. you ****. Why did I listen.
E.M. You fool. I told the Loganair chap to sit fast because you would stop. MWaaaaaaah.

Planes wedged together after collision at airport
That is a proper post to this thread.
 
The Emperor has been in the West Country again
Weston on mud as its affectionately known ( or not)
dopey tourists decide to cross the mud flats to get to the sea
MWHAAAAAAAA
View attachment 485123

Seems to be quite common

 
The Emperor has visited the Gosafe camera people in Gwent today.
Camera van bloke stopped to have a go at one of the lads who's a biker, he told camera boy to fuck off in no uncertain terms.

Camera boy puffs his chest out and states he's a police officer... Uh oh.

Biker is a retired copper who has hit the roof, strongly worded complaint to both the Gosafe people and Gwent police Standards department about public order offences and impersonating a police officer by a Civilian member of staff.

I'm pretty sure that there was a tinge of purple coming out of the camera vans exhaust myself...

The camera van offices are about 80 metres from our office.
 

Le_addeur_noir

On ROPS
On ROPs
This from the beeb article:

" Since their bodies were found forensic officers have been searching a large area of the park including a pond and have trawled through hundreds of thousands of tonnes of rubbish that was accidently cleared from the scene."

My emphasis. Precisely how big was this pile of rubbish and kudos to whoever shifted so much so quickly. I've never heard of anyone shifting so much stuff accidentally before either. Unless the journo writing the piece was talking out of their arse of course.
BBC Journos talking out of their arrses?. No, siree, such a thing will never happen.
 

Londo

LE
Forklift driver, "I'll have to go round"
EM, "no, You'll piss it through there"
Forklift driver, OK

As a forklift driver I had to give that an excellent :rofl:
 

Le_addeur_noir

On ROPS
On ROPs
As a forklift driver I had to give that an excellent :rofl:
Cfuk, that was some accident. The insurance claim must have been interesting reading.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Swmbo. Can you cut my fringe for me.

Whoooosh, pfftt, the smell of sulphur and his Eminence appears.

Me.. Piss off dickhead.
EM. Come on old son, how difficult can it be to cut a straight line with a pair of scissors.

Me... Yeah. I suppose you're right.

Snip snip snip.

Me. Ummmm... That doesn't look very good tbh love.

Swmbo.. Fucking hell, what the fuck have you done to my fringe.

Me. It'll be OK with some hair gel.



Mmmmmwahahahahahaha
 
Swmbo. Can you cut my fringe for me.

Whoooosh, pfftt, the smell of sulphur and his Eminence appears.

Me.. Piss off ********.
EM. Come on old son, how difficult can it be to cut a straight line with a pair of scissors.

Me... Yeah. I suppose you're right.

Snip snip snip.

Me. Ummmm... That doesn't look very good tbh love.

Swmbo.. ******* hell, what the **** have you done to my fringe.

Me. It'll be OK with some hair gel.



Mmmmmwahahahahahaha
Dave Hill walt.

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