The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

Londo

LE
Bulgarian Bint: " I vonder how I can make myself really attractive to men"

A faint hiss and a purpled robed individual that is oozing confidence appears behind her, a faint whiff of sulphur and brimstone wafts past.

EM: "blow your lips up so they look like a parrot fish on steroids and men will throw themselves at your feet."

BB: "Ah yes, you magnificence I can see the wisdom in your words, I vill do it post haste."

EM: " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.."


Why has she had a cows anus transplanted onto her face ?
 

NSP

LE
Bulgarian Bint: " I vonder how I can make myself really attractive to men"

A faint hiss and a purpled robed individual that is oozing confidence appears behind her, a faint whiff of sulphur and brimstone wafts past.

EM: "blow your lips up so they look like a parrot fish on steroids and men will throw themselves at your feet."

BB: "Ah yes, you magnificence I can see the wisdom in your words, I vill do it post haste."

EM: " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.."


 
Bulgarian Bint: " I vonder how I can make myself really attractive to men"

A faint hiss and a purpled robed individual that is oozing confidence appears behind her, a faint whiff of sulphur and brimstone wafts past.

EM: "blow your lips up so they look like a parrot fish on steroids and men will throw themselves at your feet."

BB: "Ah yes, you magnificence I can see the wisdom in your words, I vill do it post haste."

EM: " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.."


I will volunteer to fcuk its face conventionally first and then punch fcuk its face once the dopamine wears off.
 
Bulgarian Bint: " I vonder how I can make myself really attractive to men"

A faint hiss and a purpled robed individual that is oozing confidence appears behind her, a faint whiff of sulphur and brimstone wafts past.
N
EM: "blow your lips up so they look like a parrot fish on steroids and men will throw themselves at your feet."

BB: "Ah yes, you magnificence I can see the wisdom in your words, I vill do it post haste."

EM: " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.."


Guessing those emails she got were from admiring female baboons.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Trees or bushes? ;-)
Wast du no Flying fae da Tingwall?
Currently sitting in Sumburgh departures having left the hire car as instructed, anywhere in car park, unlocked, with keys in sun visor!
 

jmb3296

Old-Salt
Currently sitting in Sumburgh departures having left the hire car as instructed, anywhere in car park, unlocked, with keys in sun visor!
Visited Orkney on business met at airport, handed car keys and asked to call at garage next day to complete paper work, insurance etc

me "wait aren't you worried I'll fuck off and prang it?"
Answer "where the fuck do you think you are going to be able to go, call at the garage tomorrow, sign for it then and stop being a dick,
When you are finished, park it up at the airport and leave it with the keys under the sun visor"

Good point well made.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Visited Orkney on business met at airport, handed car keys and asked to call at garage next day to complete paper work, insurance etc

me "wait aren't you worried I'll **** off and prang it?"
Answer "where the **** do you think you are going to be able to go, call at the garage tomorrow, sign for it then and stop being a dick,
When you are finished, park it up at the airport and leave it with the keys under the sun visor"

Good point well made.

A few years ago Mrs F came off ferry in Orkney, picked up hire car, left on pier, keys in visor, left it a few days later in same state, never met anyone from the hire folk
 

jmb3296

Old-Salt
A few years ago Mrs F came off ferry in Orkney, picked up hire car, left on pier, keys in visor, left it a few days later in same state, never met anyone from the hire folk
They certainly do things differently there. I have never been to Shetland but have been back to Orkney a good few times.

If you get a chance I would recommend a visit to the Lynnfield Hotel in the shadow of Highland Park distillery.

The restaurant is very good and the owner runs a very small but absolutely outstanding whisky bar. On learning I had a slight knowledge of whisky he produced what appeared to be a lemonade bottle with a black liquid, poured a glass and invited comment.

" I am really sorry, it is absolutely lovely, it may be the nicest whisky I have ever tasted but beyond saying it is really old I cannot say anything more about it"

"it's a 45 year old Highland Park now try this"

He wouldn't take a penny from me and I tried some spectacular whisky.

Of such evenings are memories made.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
They certainly do things differently there. I have never been to Shetland but have been back to Orkney a good few times.

If you get a chance I would recommend a visit to the Lynnfield Hotel in the shadow of Highland Park distillery.

The restaurant is very good and the owner runs a very small but absolutely outstanding whisky bar. On learning I had a slight knowledge of whisky he produced what appeared to be a lemonade bottle with a black liquid, poured a glass and invited comment.

" I am really sorry, it is absolutely lovely, it may be the nicest whisky I have ever tasted but beyond saying it is really old I cannot say anything more about it"

"it's a 45 year old Highland Park now try this"

He wouldn't take a penny from me and I tried some spectacular whisky.

Of such evenings are memories made.
Merkister out in Harray is far better.

Well aware of the Lynnfield. Known the owner since he was out in Cleaton House on Westray. Lorna was the head chef there too.
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
a Jamaican national whispers in their ear ( he must be a mate of the Emperor)

Hey old people get out of your council flat

take a cruise to St Lucia , buy some new suitcases and smuggle exotic fruit home for big money


odd that the retired couple were found to have taken many many expensive overseas trips, while having a very small income


 
a Jamaican national whispers in their ear ( he must be a mate of the Emperor)

Hey old people get out of your council flat

take a cruise to St Lucia , buy some new suitcases and smuggle exotic fruit home for big money


odd that the retired couple were found to have taken many many expensive overseas trips, while having a very small income


We were on a cruise to the Amazon with this couple. He was a bit of a gobshite and did an awful 'comedy' set in the passenger show. Thought he was a bit dodgy at the time - had a bit of a giggle when I saw he had been arrested a year or so later (probably smuggling on our cruise as well).
 
Bulgarian Bint: " I vonder how I can make myself really attractive to men"

A faint hiss and a purpled robed individual that is oozing confidence appears behind her, a faint whiff of sulphur and brimstone wafts past.

EM: "blow your lips up so they look like a parrot fish on steroids and men will throw themselves at your feet."

BB: "Ah yes, you magnificence I can see the wisdom in your words, I vill do it post haste."

EM: " HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.."


It looks like whoever was being the lip procedure missed and injected some into her chest as well . . . . . . . . . several times.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Visited Orkney on business met at airport, handed car keys and asked to call at garage next day to complete paper work, insurance etc

me "wait aren't you worried I'll **** off and prang it?"
Answer "where the **** do you think you are going to be able to go, call at the garage tomorrow, sign for it then and stop being a dick,
When you are finished, park it up at the airport and leave it with the keys under the sun visor"

Good point well made.
Crikey.
If only we could do the same in the rest of UK.
 

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