The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

NSP

LE
Done the trip a few times this was definitely not the usual route.
In all seriousness, it's not difficult: turn right out of the airport following signs that say "A38" and "Motorway." Even easier if you've done it before!

Your mistake was trying to be clever and modern and turning the infernal splatnav on in the first place!!

My taxes pay for those roadsigns for a reason, grumble harrumph dripping-like-a-broken-tap etc.
 
Nah what you want to do is get into a hire car at an airport and immediately head off into the wastelands of Scotland sharpish because you are late and sort of know they way, stop, have a slash, set your own Statnav up and discover that your son's girlfriend who borrowed it last weekend had set it to her native Italian.
Very dangerous. It will also have changed the settings to tell you to drive on the footpath, ignore pedestrian crossings and traffic lights, while all the while telling you to "take offa da seatbelt."
 
that's why they have such pale skin...it's from tightly grasping that penny they get given at birth
 
that's why they have such pale skin...it's from tightly grasping that penny they get given at birth
Home truths never hurt. It's a little known fact, but some of us honkies started out blacker than the ace of spades. When we were older, we couldn't understand why our grandparents could only be seen on a pitch black night when they smiled. Then we were informed this is what happened to future generations. Simple really.
 
Home truths never hurt. It's a little known fact, but some of us honkies started out blacker than the ace of spades. When we were older, we couldn't understand why our grandparents could only be seen on a pitch black night when they smiled. Then we were informed this is what happened to future generations. Simple really.
I'm sorry, I don't speak Glaswegian :)
 
I just saw a Glaswegian acquaintance in the boozer.
"I see Celtic got a shoeing yesterday..."
"I don't give a f***, I'm Rangers!"
"I know - that's why I'm telling you so you can have a good laugh!"
<--- Not a Celtic supporter. :D
 
On leave over weekend, to go to a wedding.
Had loaded details of where we were going(just by Plymouth) into own sat nav, but when picking up hire car in Bristol airport it was an upgrade with all mod cons, so decided to use inbuilt sat nav.
I suspect previous renter was His Eminence as after half an hour driving we were somewhere deep in the Mendip Hills with the roads getting smaller and smaller.

A quick halt and check of settings (once found) revealed that it was set to avoid motorways (which it would also appear to be any dual carriageway!)

Reset, we headed on our way to be taken in a long loop back to a previous road we had already driven, but this time without turning off into hillbilly country.

Car also had some weird lane keeping assistance which was a fright at the first corner when the steering wheel started to turn in my hands!
ah ha I see you have been to Yoxter then
 
Don't you mean "oop North with your single pony and trap"?

Or the one that got greased on the A470 at Merthyr the other day. When the rozzers, ambulance and vet got there the air was purple and smelled of sulphur.
 
The Emperor has opened the first Church Of Bleach. He actively encourages his congregation to drink bleach, claiming it cures HIV/AIDS, hepatitis, flu, hair loss and autism.


I'm at the point where I believe the planet needs less people and we need to allow these idiots die off. If these idiots actively want to go against years of evolution and want to kill themselves believing this crap, I'll buy the bleach for them and wish them "bottoms up"
 
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