The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

A vegan LBGT pilot would need a Stephen Hawking-like robot announcer or they'd never be able to use a radio.
You forgot to add 'hipster' and 'liberal'


Edited to add, you win the internet today with a post that I doubt can be beaten.
 
Back when I was driving HGV I picked up a hitchhiker heading for London.
He lifted his massive holdall into the cab, climbed in and off we went.

Just a short while later I asked him what was in the bag, dead body, gold bullion or what?
"Mind your own fcuking business" says the charmer.

So I pulls over, invite him to fcuk off and get a lift with someone else.
Out he jumps, and off I go.

I see him running along the road behind me, waving his arms, can't hear what he's shouting, glance down and there's the holdall he left on the cab floor in his stroppy rush to get out!

No way was I stopping for the bellend, so I carried on and just kept the fcuker.

Result!
So what was in it?
 
I think this could have been handled differently had EM not spoken to a bank employee.

Bank customer told 'vegans should be punched'

although it does beg the question, at what point of the loan application process is it necessary to declare your diet? Oh silly me, she is a vegan, it's compulsory to declare it every 30 minutes. it's the same for pilots.
Probably when they ask you why you want to study nutrition, which is why the lassie wanted the loan.
 
Probably when they ask you why you want to study nutrition, which is why the lassie wanted the loan.
I've taken calls from clients who have started the conversation with 'Hello, I'm a vegan and...'
I train people in software, and assist on the technical support line, at no point has diet been a necessary part of the discussion.

My Aunt is a militant vegan, everyone is entitled to an opinion as long as it's hers.
 
I've taken calls from clients who have started the conversation with 'Hello, I'm a vegan and...'
I train people in software, and assist on the technical support line, at no point has diet been a necessary part of the discussion.

My Aunt is a militant vegan, everyone is entitled to an opinion as long as it's hers.
Stop people from telling you they are a vegan, by staring at the sides of their head and asking "with those ears?".
 
I gather the Vegans can't say "Cheese" for photos now.
 
I had one in the hospital canteen. I had a full English breakfast with EVERYTHING on it , including two big lumps of black pudding.

"Do you mind, eating that near me , I'm a vegan". Said nasally whiny bint on the next table.

Me. " Nope, don't mind a bit as a matter of fact ".
And made a right act of commenting that the black pudding was lovely, and the bacon fat was really lovely and crispy.

All vegans should be fed to the pigs.
 
I had one in the hospital canteen. I had a full English breakfast with EVERYTHING on it , including two big lumps of black pudding.

"Do you mind, eating that near me , I'm a vegan". Said nasally whiny bint on the next table.

Me. " Nope, don't mind a bit as a matter of fact ".
And made a right act of commenting that the black pudding was lovely, and the bacon fat was really lovely and crispy.

All vegans should be fed to the pigs.
Should have told her to go find a vegan cafe/canteen rather than forcing her views onto normal people, the fucking weirdos.
 
I rather loudly discussed with my oppo that I was having steak for tea that night. Nice and rare so that there's loads of juices leaking out . Then discussed the best way of cooking Venison.

Vegan harrumphed ,huffed and puffed until my oppo told her to fuck off.
 
A place where we occasionally eat has just let it be known that it is going to have Vegan only Mondays.

It being Glasgow it should be fun. Not sure whether Mars bars qualify.
 
A place where we occasionally eat has just let it be known that it is going to have Vegan only Mondays.
Vegans won't like that - they'd object to their nut cutlets being cooked anywhere which may have been contaminated by meat.
I wonder if Vegans have a vegan judicial council, which issues vegan-type Halaal certificates? Serious.
 

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