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The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

Em : for it is he, hello mukka been a while
Me : for it is i , piss off still not talking to you after last time

Em: dont be like that have i not left you alone these past few weeks since you have ripped your rotator cuff muscle/tendon/doo dah

Me: yes you have but its because of you im sat at home on the biff getting fat and grief off work.

Em: i know i know but not to worry. I see you have come off the coediene and naproxen for a day or two and are indeed chilling with prescribed liquid pain killer

Me: indeed as im sick of feeling like a zombie due to the tablets due to me being a dick and listening you once more.

Em: well no worries about that all is forgiven etc. Now seeing as you are imbibing and are indeed peckish why not rustle up some of your world famous nuclear noodles (tm) ?

Me: know what thats not a half bad idea....... ( much crashing banging later)..... bolleux have emptied have the tub of crushed chillis into the pot

Em: no no my young minion eeerrrrrr mean mukka just crack on. Dont you pride yourself on not being defeated by spicy food.

Me: well yea but .....

Em: no buts. Get thine muncheth on


And so it transpired that indeed i did manage to muncheth the nuclear noodles and 4 shits and an arrse like a blood orange after a llama has had a go at it im not listening to that uber cooont again. (Well till next time)
 
Meanwhile Kaiser Mong has been active in Germany. This is a two part tragi-comedy.
Part 1. The Bundeswehr has loads of shagged out gear, including fire fighting appliances.
Senior Bw officer. Unsere Feuerwehrfahrzeuge sind im Arsch. (our fire fighting vehicles are f**cked)
KM. Quatsch! Hat es jemals bei Euch ernsthaft gebrannt? Die Fahrzeuge sind noch in Ordnung. (Rubbish. Have you ever had a serious fire? The vehicles are still OK.)
Years later part two.
The scene an artillery unit in northern Germany, that uses moor land as a range.
KM to the CO of the artillery unit.
KM. Schon lange keine Rakete mehr abgefeuert, wäre wohl Zeit für ein kleine Übung. (you've not fire any rockets for a while, you need to get some range time in.)
CO. Aber der Moor ist furz trocken, es besteht brandgefahr. (but the moor is bone dry, it could start a fire)
KM. Widersprichts du mir? Mach endlich hin, es wird nichts schief gehen (are you contradicting me? get on with it, nothing will go wrong.)
Unit deploys weapons to the range and fires a rocket.
Ach du scheisse, das scheiss Moor brennt. Hol schnelle die Feuerwehr. (Oh shit the moor's on fire, get the fire fighters out here.)
See part one.
Today the civilian fire fighters are still trying to put out the fire, with no end in sight. Interestingly enough there have been reported sightings of some mysterious bloke in a purple cape laughing his nuts off.
 
Em : for it is he, hello mukka been a while
Me : for it is i , piss off still not talking to you after last time

Em: dont be like that have i not left you alone these past few weeks since you have ripped your rotator cuff muscle/tendon/doo dah

Me: yes you have but its because of you im sat at home on the biff getting fat and grief off work.

Em: i know i know but not to worry. I see you have come off the coediene and naproxen for a day or two and are indeed chilling with prescribed liquid pain killer

Me: indeed as im sick of feeling like a zombie due to the tablets due to me being a dick and listening you once more.

Em: well no worries about that all is forgiven etc. Now seeing as you are imbibing and are indeed peckish why not rustle up some of your world famous nuclear noodles (tm) ?

Me: know what thats not a half bad idea....... ( much crashing banging later)..... bolleux have emptied have the tub of crushed chillis into the pot

Em: no no my young minion eeerrrrrr mean mukka just crack on. Dont you pride yourself on not being defeated by spicy food.

Me: well yea but .....

Em: no buts. Get thine muncheth on


And so it transpired that indeed i did manage to muncheth the nuclear noodles and 4 shits and an arrse like a blood orange after a llama has had a go at it im not listening to that uber cooont again. (Well till next time)
A fire breathing Welsh dragon?:-D
 

Auld-Yin

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Em : for it is he, hello mukka been a while
Me : for it is i , piss off still not talking to you after last time

Em: dont be like that have i not left you alone these past few weeks since you have ripped your rotator cuff muscle/tendon/doo dah

Me: yes you have but its because of you im sat at home on the biff getting fat and grief off work.

Em: i know i know but not to worry. I see you have come off the coediene and naproxen for a day or two and are indeed chilling with prescribed liquid pain killer

Me: indeed as im sick of feeling like a zombie due to the tablets due to me being a dick and listening you once more.

Em: well no worries about that all is forgiven etc. Now seeing as you are imbibing and are indeed peckish why not rustle up some of your world famous nuclear noodles (tm) ?

Me: know what thats not a half bad idea....... ( much crashing banging later)..... bolleux have emptied have the tub of crushed chillis into the pot

Em: no no my young minion eeerrrrrr mean mukka just crack on. Dont you pride yourself on not being defeated by spicy food.

Me: well yea but .....

Em: no buts. Get thine muncheth on


And so it transpired that indeed i did manage to muncheth the nuclear noodles and 4 shits and an arrse like a blood orange after a llama has had a go at it im not listening to that uber cooont again. (Well till next time)
Pure poetry. Esp that last para! :cool:
 
Me: Strike a light - that was a good night out, it's half one and it's taken me twice as long to walk home and I've pinballed off the lamp-posts. I may possibly be a tad pished. Sofa and doss bag for me!

EM: Evenin' Dev

Me: F'ck me I must be trousered if the purple clad dispenser of chaos and mayhem can sneak up on me unnoticed.

EM: Naaaahh, you ain't ratted, go to bed normally and you will not wake the spouse, steal the duvet, burp, fart, snore and otherwise cause offence.

Me - OK

Me - [three days later] Thanks EM....I'm STILL in the cuntbook!
 

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