The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

The Emperor (PBUH) visited my son's school yesterday.
"Go on lad," he said to one of the kids. "Throw a stone at that large egyptian goose. What could possibly go wrong?"
Quite a lot actually.
Tell us more ...
 
Breeding season, and the gooses are very territorial and respond to perceived threats.The large gander got airborne and swooped on the lad, pummeling him with its wings, beak and feet.
black eye, various cuts on the head and nack, and a nicely ripped shirt.
Lasted about 30 seconds, apparently, with kid howling and running.
I'm sure my nipper will bring some cellphone footage home later.
 
I get the same naches reading that as I get hearing of bullfighters receiving a colon probe via the groin from an angry bull.
 
Breeding season, and the gooses are very territorial and respond to perceived threats.The large gander got airborne and swooped on the lad, pummeling him with its wings, beak and feet.
black eye, various cuts on the head and nack, and a nicely ripped shirt.
Lasted about 30 seconds, apparently, with kid howling and running.
I'm sure my nipper will bring some cellphone footage home later.
'Geese' mate not 'gooses'...think of the film:

 
There's a local here who has been speaking with the Emperor (PBUH). A kite surfer called Roderick Pijls (plenty about him on various sites). Looks like a surfer twat but that's not all, the Emperor has persuaded him to kite surf across Lake Natron in Tanzania.

There's a good chance he'll collect a Darwin award to boot. If he falls in he's pretty well stuffed although he's planning to wear a skintight rubber suit and a gas mask. The temperature of Lake Natron is something around 40C plus. Some of you will now have that twitch starting up again with memories of a noddy suit, resi and a shed load of kit being humped over an exercise area in the middle of summer. He's already been warned that he could be overcome by the suit and heat. His answer is no problem he'll drink a lot of water before hand. Oh, why is he doing it? To get a photo!
 
Breeding season, and the gooses are very territorial and respond to perceived threats.The large gander got airborne and swooped on the lad, pummeling him with its wings, beak and feet.
black eye, various cuts on the head and nack, and a nicely ripped shirt.
Lasted about 30 seconds, apparently, with kid howling and running.
I'm sure my nipper will bring some cellphone footage home later.
Similar to the 10 year old BaconGrills who thought throwing a brick at a wasps nest out the back alley was a top plan for a Sunday afternoon amusement.
 
New Ugandan Minister for sport opening new sports facility. Minister "Oh this is very good, the people love me!" Woof, smell of sulphur, yes you've guessed it, himself has arrived "Now then minion you are minister for sports, don't you think you should set an example and kick that rather convenient football there?" Minister "Oh but I have a problem with my glands, it makes me put on weight, I'm a little bigger than most people here (about 10 people)" Emperor, because he doesn't like backchat, "Nonsense! Your people will love it, you'll hear them roaring!" "Yes this is true, a kick at that ball there, what could go wrong with a man of my size? Maybe I'll boot it out of the field Ha haha!" "muhahahaha!"

 
New Ugandan Minister for sport opening new sports facility. Minister "Oh this is very good, the people love me!" Woof, smell of sulphur, yes you've guessed it, himself has arrived "Now then minion you are minister for sports, don't you think you should set an example and kick that rather convenient football there?" Minister "Oh but I have a problem with my glands, it makes me put on weight, I'm a little bigger than most people here (about 10 people)" Emperor, because he doesn't like backchat, "Nonsense! Your people will love it, you'll hear them roaring!" "Yes this is true, a kick at that ball there, what could go wrong with a man of my size? Maybe I'll boot it out of the field Ha haha!" "muhahahaha!"

Looks more like a basketball to me!

That'll teach the fat knacker to wear slip-ons to this sort of event.
 

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