The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

Looks like the Emperor has take to the canals
Boater accidentally drains canal
I was just about to post that. Apparently if you leave both sets of lock gates open it's like pulling the plug out of the canal. It's interesting to be reminded of just how shallow most canals are though.
 
I was just about to post that. Apparently if you leave both sets of lock gates open it's like pulling the plug out of the canal. It's interesting to be reminded of just how shallow most canals are though.
It's not the actual gates; it's the paddles/sluices used to fill & empty the lock.
The moron somehow managed to leave both sets open.
 
It's interesting to be reminded of just how shallow most canals are though.
If I remember rightly they were dug to a standard 5' water depth.

Telford's Pontcysyllte Aqueduct cast iron trough is only that depth, anyway.
 
If I remember rightly they were dug to a standard 5' water depth.

Telford's Pontcysyllte Aqueduct cast iron trough is only that depth, anyway.
Most are under 5' these days.
I used to dabble a bit on Fulbourne, a restored 1937 ex GUCCCo boat & we used to run aground in some "interesting" places due to its draught being somewhat greater than most modern stuff.
 
You can't leave both gates open, its physically impossible.
Sounds like a challenge for disciples of our magnificent overlord :)

I've known the bastard 49 years, and if I know anything at all, it is that His Imperial Majesty will waste no effort imploring his disciples to prove you wrong. And he will likely succeed :)
 
You can't leave both gates open, its physically impossible.
According to the link, this disciple of the emperor managed it. Although as Oddbod pointed out it won't have been the gates themselves but the bits in the gates used to equalise the water levels.
 
I was just about to post that. Apparently if you leave both sets of lock gates open it's like pulling the plug out of the canal. It's interesting to be reminded of just how shallow most canals are though.
Bollocks. The claim is that a boater left all 4 paddles up. A lock is inoperable like that; if there was a boat in it, it'd never get out. Some teenagers were seen hanging around by the lock, but CRT like to blame boaters for everything, especially lock failures caused by their lack of maintenance.

Similarly, it's impossible to open both sets of gates at once.
 
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I came across a hire boat full of Norwegians in a llock on the Grand Union last summer, they had been there some time with both sets of paddles open ( that is both water coming in and going out at the same rate ) they're still be there if I hadn't turned up.
 
Maybe next time you should trail some raw meat behind the kayak.

'In 2003 a marine biologist told Mr Peschak about an unusually large number of sharks hanging around off the southern shoreline of South Africa. But when the pair went out to try and track the animals, the noise of the boat engine changed the sharks’ behaviour and scared them off, which was a problem because they wanted to observe them in a natural state. That’s when Mr Peschak remembered he had a kayak they could maybe use.'

0a6642ce541cc1372b0c50d9d9e02a90.jpg


‘Dumbass’ idea behind iconic photo
 
When my mother died we received a number of letters from high street charities telling us to make a significant donation from her estate was what she would have wanted. Liars the lot of them she had never shown the slightest interest in those particular charities or made any form of donation to them in her life. They simply use researchers to look for recently deceased and write this form of begging letter to their relatives hoping to find a soft executor or relative.
Once you are dead you are simply a cash cow to some businesses who have a short time to milk as much as they can from your estate.
I am reminded of a letter I read many years ago, concerning this trait, a chap set up a little business specialising in artistic and voyeuristic and Esoteric books , but with a nice title and name
for many years he used to scan the Church newspapers and broadsheets, and when a member of the clergy had passed away, he sent in an invoice for publications forwarded but not paid for, this scam had been going on for a great many years,, most solicitors paid the small amount and disposed of the invoice without worrying, anxious not to cause offence
it only ended when the letter landed on the desk of a solicitor who was a great personal friend of the recently deceased member of the clergy, and knew that the learned gentleman had been registered blind for a great many years
The Police officer called at the address and it was a nondescript pre war semi in North London, the chap got put away for his fraud and much evidence was found of his earnings, but no sums of money or bank accounts
The Writer of the letter was a car salesman who for many years had sold this nondescript man old classic high end cars, and delivered them to a property well outside of the City
he only found out when arriving at the house with a potential sale, a large met copper grabbed him and questioned him as to why a man with no driving licence would want a motor car
he never revealed the fact that for ten years he had been selling and delivering these cars, and paying his mortgage off, as the chap was so nice, and frankly he thought if he could get away with it for so long good on him, he wrote the letter to the motoring paper many years later and often wondered about the rare pre war motor cars and where they were now
 
The emperor whispered in young Adams lughole, get yourself a top class video camera attached to your bone dome and make some amazing videos showing your large clear LCD display, so that all your friends may marvel at your skill and bravery
the thik Knut doing the rozzers work for them
result a clear image of the instrument panel showing 189 miles per hour on the public highway
a computer full of videos to show the beak
21 months inside without a motorbike is going to chafe a little
and getting insurance afterwards for anything bigger than a pizza bike is going to hurt


https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/local-news/dangerous-driver-jailed-reaching-speeds-1804519
 
Happened to a work colleague a few years back, just before Chrimbo. Left the car on driveway while 'just popping in' to see somebody, it rolled down drive, across road, glancing blow demolished a gatepost, and caused mahoosive damage to a Hertz car parked in the opposite driveway.
Some unfeeling tw@ts at the office went to the scrapyard and bought a handbrake lever for a few pennies, boxed it and giftwrapped it, and left it on his desk...

Back in my diving days, when the weather was bad, we'd dive in Dorothea Quarry in North Wales........ crazy place, 600ft deep.

There was one place where you could drive a car up to a cliff- top, then shove it over....... very popular with dodgy theft insurance claims.

Legend has it that a Scouse diver took advantage of this.

Unfortunately, the car was spotted and recognised by other members of his dive- club, as it hadn't sadly, gone down too deep.

They went down with spanners, took off the wheels, back and front bumpers complete with plates, and built the shape of the car, on his front lawn...........
 

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