Didn't put it in the Lost and Found then?Garden is too small but for the dogs I'm the local snack bar. Nothing like a tasty finger to chew on for a walk along the woods. It wouldn't be the first time a dog has returned home with some oddity hanging out its jaws.
A while back I was hacking my way through what passes for a front garden jungle and found somebody's dildo. Not your usual cucumber type with a couple of batteries but a rubber veiny thing that must have been quite an experience for the receiver. I should add that it was most certainly not an everyday find and I'm still wondering who was rummaging for their house keys in their handbag and decided to throw away a dildo instead! Bit like the single shoe on the highway. Who are these one legged drivers who, while barreling along the motorway, suddenly look down and think "Oh fcuk it I've just lost my shoe."
Anyways, back to the dildo. Just at that moment one of the locals walked by with her hound on the way home. There are a few in our manor who consider themselves above the rest of us. This was one of them. I tossed the dog the dildo and home he trots. She's about to enter the driveway and turns round, shrieks and calls hubby over who is giving their Renault people carrier the third wash of the day. Mutt is standing proudly with a large pink rubber cock hanging out of his mouth. Husband is called over to remove said disgusting object as the lady of the house isn't going to touch the filthy thing. I'm guessing hubby doesn't get much in the way of jiggy time. He calls dog over, dog remains seated wagging its tail, Hubby approaches dog, wife still protesting, dog is having none of it and starts to growl, "Get yer own feckin cock, this one's mine" and a tug of war starts over the rubber appendage. Dog wins and runs round the back of the house. Sadly out of sight and no doubt to sit and have a chew of his new boner.
A few others in the street heard of the event and there have been tears of laughter when I revealed who had provided the offending article.
15" throbber. Owner must identify." Etc