The Emperor Mongs Pronouncements

A few years back I was heading out for a hunting trip with a mate. Thanks to a badly drawn map giving us the directions to where we were staying from the property owner, we got lost somewhere out the back of Bumfuck and ended up stuck at a flooded creek with no idea where the nearest diversion was.

So we crossed it, my mate driving his petrol Mits Outlander. We decided to keep the windows down in case we had to get out in a hurry, which may or may not have been stupid considering the water almost came through the windows. We eventually managed to find a township with mobile reception, give her a call and tried to verify where we were. She asked us why we were at where we were, and after a bit of argy bargy, she put us on the right path while complaining everyone must be thick as no-one can follow her map.

This is my reproduction of the map she gave us with road names changed. This is literally all that was shown on her map. If you think it looks rough, the one we got was rougher thanks to what looked like repeated photocopies of photocopies. Keep in mind, it's about an hour and a half between Nowhere Road and the supposed Fish Lane geographical location.

View attachment 628636

This is my modified map showing what some of the details actually mean.

View attachment 628643


It was all for naught. The conniving bint who owned the place never bothered to tell us it had been raining for weeks solidly before our arrival, which is why the creek was flooded, most of her fields were bogged and had drowned most of the local wildlife. It rain continously after we turned up. We spent two days sitting around inside the house in front of the fire, reading old Footrot Flats and Snake Tales comic books while getting pissed on my mates homebrew and other assorted beverages and left a day early with the rain still pissing down when the alcohol had run out.
Was that in Oz or NZ?

Footrot Flats . . . My basic introduction to Kiwi culture.
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
That was, quite frankly, awful to watch.

Poor guy needs a proper compo coach.

Needless to say there was no mention by the police of "lessons will be learned" because they will carry on in their own way.
And then the powers that be wonder why there is no confidence in the police any more.
 

wheel

LE
Needless to say there was no mention by the police of "lessons will be learned" because they will carry on in their own way.
And then the powers that be wonder why there is no confidence in the police any more.
Simple answer no matter what the business. If you don't look after the shop floor everything else goes tits up.
 

Londo

LE
110% compo kunt.

So traumatised I'll reenact exactly what happened.

Kunt.
To be fair if I had been treated by the police the way he was I would also be making a song and dance about it
and I am one that does support law and order .
The police really cocked up in this instance I'm sorry to say .
 

CC_TA

LE
To be fair if I had been treated by the police the way he was I would also be making a song and dance about it
and I am one that does support law and order .
The police really cocked up in this instance I'm sorry to say .
I would have folded him up in a sports holdall and dropped him outside GCHQ and denied all knowledge.
Nothing to see here.
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
110% compo kunt.

So traumatised I'll reenact exactly what happened.

Kunt.

to be fair to him, if his version is correct, he was tasered for no real reason and no warning. It's not like he would have appeared to be much of a danger.


I'd just like to take this opportunity to point out I'm a massive fan of the Police tasering people who really deserve it. I'd support more tasering with less negotiation beforehand.
 
To be fair if I had been treated by the police the way he was I would also be making a song and dance about it
and I am one that does support law and order .
The police really cocked up in this instance I'm sorry to say .

"Also" be making a song and dance about it? Did you not notice that he was a ballet dancer? There are no songs in ballet. :evil:

To be fair if I had been treated by the police the way he was I would also be making a song and dance about it
and I am one that does support law and order .
The police really cocked up in this instance I'm sorry to say .

To be fair, if I were a policeman and saw a retired ballet dancer, in his dressing-gown, asking me, in his best Noel Coward/Devlin Waugh voice, if he could help me at zero dark o'clock, I'd have probably tasered him too.


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